Has anyone on here found their spouse on the Ashley Madison list?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I suppose this is easy to say since neither I nor spouse are on the list.

What these lists show is how common infidelity is. 30 million members in the U.S. Now add in all the people who have or attempted to cheat through old fashioned communication, Craigslist, Facebook. People aren't good at monogamy.

I can't tell you what to do, but I have a hard time believing all of these families are going to be better off with public humiliation, divorce, broken homes, etc. I have a ton of sympathy for spouses caught up in this. Perhaps it helps those who found their spouses names to know that many many more of your friends have also been cheated on and the only difference is they get to go on with life blissfully unaware.

It might be common, and monogamy is tough but cheating sucks. Makes the other person feel like a complete mess. It's just not right putting another person through that pain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I found my husband. He cheated on me before and I thought we worked through it. We have 2 very small children. The last credit card payment happened when I was 8 months pregnant. I confronted him last night. I'm devastated. I can't see this going anywhere but divorce. I think he is a sex addict or something.

I can't tell you how to react. But every single man and probably most women struggle with monogamy. Every single man wants to have sex with other women. Your spouse unfortunately took a step towards making that happen, which puts him in company with most (not all but most) men at some point in a long marriage. He is human. Only you can assess whether the marriage is otherwise good to remain with him and work through it. You can leave him but there is no guarentee the next man in your life will be faithful.

Good luck, I feel for you, a tough situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

What is an explanation for why an address and name wouldn't match? My neighbor's address is on this map, but the name is wrong. I thought the addresses came from credit card info, so seems unlikely someone can use a fake name.

Could have used a pre-paid credit card and used any name he wanted. Lots of Fred Flintstones on the list.

But then why would they need to give an address at all? Why not give a fake address? I can't really imagine being paranoid enough to get a prepaid card and use a fake name and then put down your correct address.

Explains why people are saying someone else signed them up. Your neighbor could have looked across the street and put your address in instead dreading possible mail to his/hers. If they are paranoid enough to get a prepaid card, yes, I can imagine it.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I didn't find my spouse, but found a few neighbors.

Question: If someone's name is listed multiple times, what does that mean? One neighbor has his name listed once. Another has his name listed at least 5 times (listed twice in a row, then a few other peoples name in between, then listed again 3 times in a row.) I saw other names (not people I know) listed even more than that.

Also, the only comprehensive list I've seen is for Northern VA. If anyone happens to know of a similar list/site that shows the names for Paulding county, GA, I would love to see it. Thank you.

You have too much time on your hands.

? It took all of 5 minutes to look at the site and see all the names for my city...How is that "too much time?"

That you even care to know after seeing your spouse is not in it, you'd take even 5 minutes to check out your neighborhood. Why do you care?

I think you are projecting your own insecurities here and making assumptions about my motives.

I looked through my neighborhood to see if my spouse's name was on it. I was on my phone and I didn't know of another way to search other than to just look though every name. The list that I saw has all addresses within the same city together, so it did not take long to scroll down to my city and look through all the names. While looking, I did happen to notice the names of several neighbors. I noticed after the fact that the list also appeared to be in alphabetical order (by first name.)

Ha. You can 'think' all you want. Why are people insecure enough to look for their spouses on there? Then, scroll through to find others! I don't care about your motives at all. Clearly, you took the time to search people out. It's OK. Everybody is doing it. It's the cool thing to do.

Yes, I do think, which is apparently not possible for you. Once I scrolled through the names and didn't see my own spouse there, I was done. No "Searching" or "scrolling" beyond that. I do have a reason to look up someone in Paulding Co. Georgia---but beyond that, I don't care who is on the list.

So spouse was smart enough not to pay! scrolled=searching. Keep kidding yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's your place to inform spouses or fiances. It's between them. This whole thing is painful enough that people don't need the added embarrassment of having their friends in on this painful moment.

I think this is an opportunity for good and many of these people on that website are going to make significant changes in their lives. I think anyone meddling in someone else's relationship may make things more difficult for these couples to mend.

As someone who found their spouse I agree. We are trying to reconcile. Get counseing. I don't know if I can handle friends and family telling me. I might just give up. I'm not that strong.

So sorry to hear that, PP. What do you say to posters on here who says "what's the big deal about a spouse having affairs - this is 2015!"?

[Anonymous]

I found the (very recent) ex of a friend- friend is approaching one year sober, not going to tell friend as the divorce is now final and don't want to send friend into downward spiral when things are going well (as compared to last year) for friend.

[Anonymous]

Prostitutes should be safe and legal. In Thailand, guys stop by the brothel on the way home to their families. Just a release, and they are in a much better mood when they get home. No emotional connection.

[Anonymous]

Is there a search where you can look for someone by last name?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I found my husband. He cheated on me before and I thought we worked through it. We have 2 very small children. The last credit card payment happened when I was 8 months pregnant. I confronted him last night. I'm devastated. I can't see this going anywhere but divorce. I think he is a sex addict or something.

I can't tell you how to react. But every single man and probably most women struggle with monogamy. Every single man wants to have sex with other women. Your spouse unfortunately took a step towards making that happen, which puts him in company with most (not all but most) men at some point in a long marriage. He is human. Only you can assess whether the marriage is otherwise good to remain with him and work through it. You can leave him but there is no guarentee the next man in your life will be faithful.

Good luck, I feel for you, a tough situation.

Such presumptions. I would say I encounter more men than not (like a lot more) who seem alright with it then men who are being internally torn apart by the impossible sexual restriction marriage has (voluntarily) imposed on them.

[Anonymous]

Found DH but not on cc list. His story checked out. He signed up before we met out of curiosity and never did anything on site. Hasn't been on since we met. Gave me full access to all his accounts. I know he could have hidden accounts so I paid someone to check out his story. He also reimbursed me for the private investigator I hired. Men do stupid things, not always easily explained. I feel kinda bad for him. I was never angry, withheld all that so I could get the facts. Glad I held it together aside from a few laughs at the idiocy of the whole thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't find my spouse, but found a few neighbors.

Question: If someone's name is listed multiple times, what does that mean? One neighbor has his name listed once. Another has his name listed at least 5 times (listed twice in a row, then a few other peoples name in between, then listed again 3 times in a row.) I saw other names (not people I know) listed even more than that.

Also, the only comprehensive list I've seen is for Northern VA. If anyone happens to know of a similar list/site that shows the names for Paulding county, GA, I would love to see it. Thank you.

You have too much time on your hands.

? It took all of 5 minutes to look at the site and see all the names for my city...How is that "too much time?"

That you even care to know after seeing your spouse is not in it, you'd take even 5 minutes to check out your neighborhood. Why do you care?

I think you are projecting your own insecurities here and making assumptions about my motives.

I looked through my neighborhood to see if my spouse's name was on it. I was on my phone and I didn't know of another way to search other than to just look though every name. The list that I saw has all addresses within the same city together, so it did not take long to scroll down to my city and look through all the names. While looking, I did happen to notice the names of several neighbors. I noticed after the fact that the list also appeared to be in alphabetical order (by first name.)

Ha. You can 'think' all you want. Why are people insecure enough to look for their spouses on there? Then, scroll through to find others! I don't care about your motives at all. Clearly, you took the time to search people out. It's OK. Everybody is doing it. It's the cool thing to do.

Yes, I do think, which is apparently not possible for you. Once I scrolled through the names and didn't see my own spouse there, I was done. No "Searching" or "scrolling" beyond that. I do have a reason to look up someone in Paulding Co. Georgia---but beyond that, I don't care who is on the list.

So spouse was smart enough not to pay! scrolled=searching. Keep kidding yourself.

NP here, let it go you sound ridiculous. You are way too invested in this woman's five minute search.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't find my spouse, but found a few neighbors.

Question: If someone's name is listed multiple times, what does that mean? One neighbor has his name listed once. Another has his name listed at least 5 times (listed twice in a row, then a few other peoples name in between, then listed again 3 times in a row.) I saw other names (not people I know) listed even more than that.

Also, the only comprehensive list I've seen is for Northern VA. If anyone happens to know of a similar list/site that shows the names for Paulding county, GA, I would love to see it. Thank you.

It probably means they created multiple accounts at varios times. i.e. Created an account, found someone and didn't keep up that account, lost interest in the person they were banging, couldn't get into old account, created new account, etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Prostitutes should be safe and legal. In Thailand, guys stop by the brothel on the way home to their families. Just a release, and they are in a much better mood when they get home. No emotional connection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't find my spouse, but found a few neighbors.

Question: If someone's name is listed multiple times, what does that mean? One neighbor has his name listed once. Another has his name listed at least 5 times (listed twice in a row, then a few other peoples name in between, then listed again 3 times in a row.) I saw other names (not people I know) listed even more than that.

Also, the only comprehensive list I've seen is for Northern VA. If anyone happens to know of a similar list/site that shows the names for Paulding county, GA, I would love to see it. Thank you.

You have too much time on your hands.

? It took all of 5 minutes to look at the site and see all the names for my city...How is that "too much time?"

That you even care to know after seeing your spouse is not in it, you'd take even 5 minutes to check out your neighborhood. Why do you care?

I think you are projecting your own insecurities here and making assumptions about my motives.

I looked through my neighborhood to see if my spouse's name was on it. I was on my phone and I didn't know of another way to search other than to just look though every name. The list that I saw has all addresses within the same city together, so it did not take long to scroll down to my city and look through all the names. While looking, I did happen to notice the names of several neighbors. I noticed after the fact that the list also appeared to be in alphabetical order (by first name.)

Ha. You can 'think' all you want. Why are people insecure enough to look for their spouses on there? Then, scroll through to find others! I don't care about your motives at all. Clearly, you took the time to search people out. It's OK. Everybody is doing it. It's the cool thing to do.

Yes, I do think, which is apparently not possible for you. Once I scrolled through the names and didn't see my own spouse there, I was done. No "Searching" or "scrolling" beyond that. I do have a reason to look up someone in Paulding Co. Georgia---but beyond that, I don't care who is on the list.

So spouse was smart enough not to pay! scrolled=searching. Keep kidding yourself.

NP here, let it go you sound ridiculous. You are way too invested in this woman's five minute search.

You miss the point entirely. I don't see how searching for people on these lists gives anyone relief. Nothing good can come from it. I have zero invested in this, and I may sound ridiculous, because I don't see it your way.

i.e.. Anyone who has to pay a private investigator to search for their husband has already lost trust in them, for whatever reason IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's your place to inform spouses or fiances. It's between them. This whole thing is painful enough that people don't need the added embarrassment of having their friends in on this painful moment.

I think this is an opportunity for good and many of these people on that website are going to make significant changes in their lives. I think anyone meddling in someone else's relationship may make things more difficult for these couples to mend.

As someone who found their spouse I agree. We are trying to reconcile. Get counseing. I don't know if I can handle friends and family telling me. I might just give up. I'm not that strong.

So sorry to hear that, PP. What do you say to posters on here who says "what's the big deal about a spouse having affairs - this is 2015!"?

I am not the PP. However, I am in the camp that says "what's the big deal about an affair" and I say this from the standpoint that affairs are common and we need to have some other model that monogamy or divorce. I say that partly as a message of support to those wrestling with the question of should I stay or go now that I see my spouse on Ashley Madison, since there are many people out here who wouldn't look down on either part of the couple in an affair - they happen and will happen to most of us, whether our spouses get caught or not.

And I also know that if it was my spouse who cheated, I would be extremely hurt. So I can recognize the individual pain of an affair while also recognizing that people cheat because we are all flawed humans.

Good luck.