Is private school an option for a child with mild SN?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It absolutely can work. We went to a small private for our child that had severe language delays and some social. It was a great year for him. He was in small classes where the teachers could give him lots of attention until he as ok on his own. They also carefully matched him with a few other boys they thought he'd do well with and it was a great match for all the boys. My son has rapidly progressed, finally and we're stay for another year just to give him more time before a public. Our insurance covers speech so we continued it privately - some before school and he'd be late and some after school. My child had severe speech delays but no learning. Its generally assumed these kids have other disabilities, but its not always the case. He was a bit behind in writing/fine motor but we work on it at home and they work on it at school and its catching up too. It really depends on what you think is best for your child. I would not place a child with severe to moderate speech delays, especially receptive in a large classroom. Mild is ok.

We found it very hard to find a school that would take my child as many only focused on the negative and could not see past it or any positive. Obviously in the end, it was a blessing as we made it to the right school.

This is so close to our experience I half-wondered if I wrote it and forgot.

We went the SN route first and then after some progress took the leap to a small mainstream private and it's been great. After first encountering the closed-mindedness that the PP describes. But also as PP says, it's about finding the RIGHT school. A private might be the right one or it could be very, very wrong.

Not every school has a flawless sense of whether they can help a particular child -- but many do have a good sense. In our case we had a school that was looking us in the eye and saying, "We think your child would thrive here, and here's why, etc." And they were so, so right. Best decision we ever made.

[Anonymous]

OP, since you are in DC PS and have a bad inbound preschool, I would definitely take the charger. We are at a charter and did not know that our childhood special needs before enrolling. So I guess you could say they were mild. Or that your child's needs may change over time. With a private school they could kick you out at any time. And then where would you be? If you name the charter, we might be able to help more. But in general the charters that are popular on this board are pretty good with special needs needs as far as I can tell.

[Anonymous]

Apologies for my typos on my phone. I hope my point was clear.

[Anonymous]

Many schools both SN and mainstream offer ST during the day.

Can you please name any DC independent school that provides speech therapy during the school day?

. . . . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It absolutely can work. We went to a small private for our child that had severe language delays and some social. It was a great year for him. He was in small classes where the teachers could give him lots of attention until he as ok on his own. They also carefully matched him with a few other boys they thought he'd do well with and it was a great match for all the boys. My son has rapidly progressed, finally and we're stay for another year just to give him more time before a public. Our insurance covers speech so we continued it privately - some before school and he'd be late and some after school. My child had severe speech delays but no learning. Its generally assumed these kids have other disabilities, but its not always the case. He was a bit behind in writing/fine motor but we work on it at home and they work on it at school and its catching up too. It really depends on what you think is best for your child. I would not place a child with severe to moderate speech delays, especially receptive in a large classroom. Mild is ok.

We found it very hard to find a school that would take my child as many only focused on the negative and could not see past it or any positive. Obviously in the end, it was a blessing as we made it to the right school.

This is so close to our experience I half-wondered if I wrote it and forgot.

We went the SN route first and then after some progress took the leap to a small mainstream private and it's been great. After first encountering the closed-mindedness that the PP describes. But also as PP says, it's about finding the RIGHT school. A private might be the right one or it could be very, very wrong.

Not every school has a flawless sense of whether they can help a particular child -- but many do have a good sense. In our case we had a school that was looking us in the eye and saying, "We think your child would thrive here, and here's why, etc." And they were so, so right. Best decision we ever made.

Most schools I found didn't even want to take the time to be bothered. I found that often they assume SN is behavioral problems and most privates except those who specialize in it are not able reasonably to deal with it but why exclude kids with speech, fine mother and other mild delays that look far worse than they really are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Many schools both SN and mainstream offer ST during the day.

Can you please name any DC independent school that provides speech therapy during the school day?

. . . . .

They may be referring to some that bring a private speech therapist in or allow speech therapists to come to the school but even very few have that. I have yet to see any that offer individual speech during the day. I tried many in MD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your child is almost 6 so your child is in K or 1st grade? Do you ever intend to go to public school?

Yes, our school only goes to 3nd grade so we'll either change for 1st or second. My kid missed the school cut off so going into K. Academically should be 1st grade so we supplement at home. He's probably be fine this year its affordable so we'd rather give him an extra year to fully catch up and avoid an IEP so he isn't labeled long term. And, he's happy there and wants to stay.

It doesn't necessarily work this way. I have a 12 year old and I've seen with him and other children with SN that we know--some school years everything goes smoothly and other years, the kid really needs some extra support. I hope that whatever issues your son had are resolved permanently but be prepared if that isn't the case. Finally, an IEP doesn't label a child with a scarlet letter for the rest of his life and isn't something you should be desperate to avoid. That is a pretty negative statement on a board full of people with children with IEPs.

+1. Please come back and update after your child has finished K.

He's already passed all the academic markers for K and some of 1st and 2nd, so that's not an issue. The bigger concern will be middle school if there are still some language deficits.

Special needs in some areas does not always translate into issues across the board as some are making it. The topic at hand is can OP child with mild SN be ok at a private. It is not about a 12 year old or even an 8 year old. It is about a 3 year old who has the potential to catch up.

Issues do not have to be academic. My 8 yr old never had academic issues.

Does he have friends at school? Does your child participate and is he fully engaged in the classroom? When there are group activities, is he a participant or is he off in a corner by himself?

Our public charter provides excellent supports for my kid's social communication issues which a private school won't since DS does great academically if they'll recognize his issues at all.

It really depends on the school - most privates will not but the one we are at did for my child. My child has several good friends, does participate and does engage in group activities (he's never in a corner himself but if any child is, the teachers step-in and they tend to build the classes around each child having at least one friend in the classroom).

It really depends on the diagnosis and actual needs as to where they'd do best. I don't think my child would have done well in a large public school classroom even with an IEP and supports. But, for another child, I do think that environment would be best. If OP feels her child's needs are mild, then either school can work. For us the difference between 3 and 6 was huge. At 3, no way would my child survive a public school. At 6, probably would be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your child is almost 6 so your child is in K or 1st grade? Do you ever intend to go to public school?

Yes, our school only goes to 3nd grade so we'll either change for 1st or second. My kid missed the school cut off so going into K. Academically should be 1st grade so we supplement at home. He's probably be fine this year its affordable so we'd rather give him an extra year to fully catch up and avoid an IEP so he isn't labeled long term. And, he's happy there and wants to stay.

It doesn't necessarily work this way. I have a 12 year old and I've seen with him and other children with SN that we know--some school years everything goes smoothly and other years, the kid really needs some extra support. I hope that whatever issues your son had are resolved permanently but be prepared if that isn't the case. Finally, an IEP doesn't label a child with a scarlet letter for the rest of his life and isn't something you should be desperate to avoid. That is a pretty negative statement on a board full of people with children with IEPs.

+1. Please come back and update after your child has finished K.

He's already passed all the academic markers for K and some of 1st and 2nd, so that's not an issue. The bigger concern will be middle school if there are still some language deficits.

Special needs in some areas does not always translate into issues across the board as some are making it. The topic at hand is can OP child with mild SN be ok at a private. It is not about a 12 year old or even an 8 year old. It is about a 3 year old who has the potential to catch up.

Issues do not have to be academic. My 8 yr old never had academic issues.

Does he have friends at school? Does your child participate and is he fully engaged in the classroom? When there are group activities, is he a participant or is he off in a corner by himself?

Our public charter provides excellent supports for my kid's social communication issues which a private school won't since DS does great academically if they'll recognize his issues at all.

It really depends on the school - most privates will not but the one we are at did for my child. My child has several good friends, does participate and does engage in group activities (he's never in a corner himself but if any child is, the teachers step-in and they tend to build the classes around each child having at least one friend in the classroom).

It really depends on the diagnosis and actual needs as to where they'd do best. I don't think my child would have done well in a large public school classroom even with an IEP and supports. But, for another child, I do think that environment would be best. If OP feels her child's needs are mild, then either school can work. For us the difference between 3 and 6 was huge. At 3, no way would my child survive a public school. At 6, probably would be fine.

You are very lucky that you found a private school that serves your child so well. Good luck and hope it stays that way.

My child is at an immersion language school, Mandarin, where he was doing great in prek4, K, and 1st. The charter is 100% Mandarin in prek and DS had zero exposure to the language prior. DH and I don't know it. He has an IEP for ASD. No behavioral or academic issues. Everything going great. Starting in 2nd, we had a lot of behavioral issues. Not at home, just at school. He had a new Sp Ed teacher with zero experience as a Sp Ed teacher and a "brittle" personality (she didn't get along with many adults either). DS behavior got so bad the school was talking about giving us public funding for private placement without us even asking or filing for due process.

Anyway, before funding us the school has to bring in a behaviorist for a FBA/BP - part of the administrative process in getting funded - and everything became good again so much so that DS no longer needs the behavioral plan after 3 months.

I know had we been at a private school even the very good one we turned down for our charter, we would have been "counseled out". Most private schools don't have the resources or incentive to provide this kind of supports and services.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It absolutely can work. We went to a small private for our child that had severe language delays and some social. It was a great year for him. He was in small classes where the teachers could give him lots of attention until he as ok on his own. They also carefully matched him with a few other boys they thought he'd do well with and it was a great match for all the boys. My son has rapidly progressed, finally and we're stay for another year just to give him more time before a public. Our insurance covers speech so we continued it privately - some before school and he'd be late and some after school. My child had severe speech delays but no learning. Its generally assumed these kids have other disabilities, but its not always the case. He was a bit behind in writing/fine motor but we work on it at home and they work on it at school and its catching up too. It really depends on what you think is best for your child. I would not place a child with severe to moderate speech delays, especially receptive in a large classroom. Mild is ok.

We found it very hard to find a school that would take my child as many only focused on the negative and could not see past it or any positive. Obviously in the end, it was a blessing as we made it to the right school.

This is so close to our experience I half-wondered if I wrote it and forgot.

We went the SN route first and then after some progress took the leap to a small mainstream private and it's been great. After first encountering the closed-mindedness that the PP describes. But also as PP says, it's about finding the RIGHT school. A private might be the right one or it could be very, very wrong.

Not every school has a flawless sense of whether they can help a particular child -- but many do have a good sense. In our case we had a school that was looking us in the eye and saying, "We think your child would thrive here, and here's why, etc." And they were so, so right. Best decision we ever made.

Most schools I found didn't even want to take the time to be bothered. I found that often they assume SN is behavioral problems and most privates except those who specialize in it are not able reasonably to deal with it but why exclude kids with speech, fine mother and other mild delays that look far worse than they really are.

Agree, we had exactly the same infuriating experience. Fortunately you only need to find one good school to make dealing with the closed-minded ones worth it.

[Anonymous]

OP here - I love how this thread exploded, and I'm learning so much from the responses!

As far as behavior, no issues. It's quite the opposite, actually. My biggest concern is that because he is quiet and passive, he'll be ignored. A small classroom environment is a huge draw for us. It can be hard to hold his attention, but he's three so I don't blame the delays entirely. Can get fixated on things; right now it's elephants and our sprinkler. He saves his worst stuff for home.

Intelligence is normal by all current indications. He shows some ASD-like behaviors, but he's been evaluated three times and all said that an ASD diagnosis just doesn't fit.

Social - He has several friends he is very close to, but tends to avoid big groups until he knows them well and understands his "role," so to speak. At his current daycare, he participates in group activities and even takes a more assertive role in certain situations. He's very slow to warm up to new people, but develops strong attachments in time. He is very social and joyful with those he cares about, but mostly tolerates everyone else. He did a shadow day at the private, and was well-behaved but petrified to the point that he participated in very little and was anxious and sad.

Bilingual piece - he's been in immersion since birth and we can support it at home. He' been tested in both English and Spanish and shows equal proficiency. He understands some things better in each language, so he speaks a lot of Spanglish to fill in the gaps. He also has friends who speak Spanish with him during play. It's very important to us that he continue on this path, and it's one of the biggest reasons we're torn.

It feels like that either one of these could be a good choice, it's just a matter of lost opportunity. We're not going to be able to get back in to whatever school we reject. And while nothing is certain, I really want to avoid changing schools once he's settled in. At this point, I'm really wondering if I should just flip a coin!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your child is almost 6 so your child is in K or 1st grade? Do you ever intend to go to public school?

Yes, our school only goes to 3nd grade so we'll either change for 1st or second. My kid missed the school cut off so going into K. Academically should be 1st grade so we supplement at home. He's probably be fine this year its affordable so we'd rather give him an extra year to fully catch up and avoid an IEP so he isn't labeled long term. And, he's happy there and wants to stay.

It doesn't necessarily work this way. I have a 12 year old and I've seen with him and other children with SN that we know--some school years everything goes smoothly and other years, the kid really needs some extra support. I hope that whatever issues your son had are resolved permanently but be prepared if that isn't the case. Finally, an IEP doesn't label a child with a scarlet letter for the rest of his life and isn't something you should be desperate to avoid. That is a pretty negative statement on a board full of people with children with IEPs.

+1. Please come back and update after your child has finished K.

He's already passed all the academic markers for K and some of 1st and 2nd, so that's not an issue. The bigger concern will be middle school if there are still some language deficits.

Special needs in some areas does not always translate into issues across the board as some are making it. The topic at hand is can OP child with mild SN be ok at a private. It is not about a 12 year old or even an 8 year old. It is about a 3 year old who has the potential to catch up.

Issues do not have to be academic. My 8 yr old never had academic issues.

Does he have friends at school? Does your child participate and is he fully engaged in the classroom? When there are group activities, is he a participant or is he off in a corner by himself?

Our public charter provides excellent supports for my kid's social communication issues which a private school won't since DS does great academically if they'll recognize his issues at all.

It really depends on the school - most privates will not but the one we are at did for my child. My child has several good friends, does participate and does engage in group activities (he's never in a corner himself but if any child is, the teachers step-in and they tend to build the classes around each child having at least one friend in the classroom).

It really depends on the diagnosis and actual needs as to where they'd do best. I don't think my child would have done well in a large public school classroom even with an IEP and supports. But, for another child, I do think that environment would be best. If OP feels her child's needs are mild, then either school can work. For us the difference between 3 and 6 was huge. At 3, no way would my child survive a public school. At 6, probably would be fine.

You are very lucky that you found a private school that serves your child so well. Good luck and hope it stays that way.

My child is at an immersion language school, Mandarin, where he was doing great in prek4, K, and 1st. The charter is 100% Mandarin in prek and DS had zero exposure to the language prior. DH and I don't know it. He has an IEP for ASD. No behavioral or academic issues. Everything going great. Starting in 2nd, we had a lot of behavioral issues. Not at home, just at school. He had a new Sp Ed teacher with zero experience as a Sp Ed teacher and a "brittle" personality (she didn't get along with many adults either). DS behavior got so bad the school was talking about giving us public funding for private placement without us even asking or filing for due process.

Anyway, before funding us the school has to bring in a behaviorist for a FBA/BP - part of the administrative process in getting funded - and everything became good again so much so that DS no longer needs the behavioral plan after 3 months.

I know had we been at a private school even the very good one we turned down for our charter, we would have been "counseled out". Most private schools don't have the resources or incentive to provide this kind of supports and services.

You've posted about your experience and its very unfortunate but its a bit different than OP. We would never have considered a language immersion given we knew we could not provide the support and the areas our child struggled in would make it hard for them to be successful in a program that was an immersion. He clearly needed simple, straight forward traditional teaching. And, even so based on your post, your child did great early on, so by OP topic, hers can do well anywhere. It sounds like the issue you had was a poor school and teacher fit, which is a bit different than OP questions or others experiences. The private school, given you had a behavioral issue, may have been better for your child if he had the right teacher who understood and was able to manage his needs. Also, ASD isn't something outgrown and as a child's needs change, so do their academic, home and other needs. Not all kids who have delays, even severe delays are ASD and its frustrating that it is the fall back assumption. While who knows what the future holds, bottom line is most kids can do well in either public or private depending on the teacher, supports provided, outside resources available and parental involvement.

At least at this point, our private is more than able to handle our child's needs which at this point are catching up and pretty similar to his peers. If anything, I need them to speed up the academics to keep him at an age appropriate level given he had to stay back a year due to the age cut off. I can see him acting out as he's bored and knows what is being taught as they are teaching to the children who aren't getting supports at home/need foundation work vs. those who have that strong foundation and ready to move forward. The ability of more individualized teaching is the only reason we will not stay longer at our private. Our school can do it but chooses not to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I love how this thread exploded, and I'm learning so much from the responses!

As far as behavior, no issues. It's quite the opposite, actually. My biggest concern is that because he is quiet and passive, he'll be ignored. A small classroom environment is a huge draw for us. It can be hard to hold his attention, but he's three so I don't blame the delays entirely. Can get fixated on things; right now it's elephants and our sprinkler. He saves his worst stuff for home.

Intelligence is normal by all current indications. He shows some ASD-like behaviors, but he's been evaluated three times and all said that an ASD diagnosis just doesn't fit.

Social - He has several friends he is very close to, but tends to avoid big groups until he knows them well and understands his "role," so to speak. At his current daycare, he participates in group activities and even takes a more assertive role in certain situations. He's very slow to warm up to new people, but develops strong attachments in time. He is very social and joyful with those he cares about, but mostly tolerates everyone else. He did a shadow day at the private, and was well-behaved but petrified to the point that he participated in very little and was anxious and sad.

Bilingual piece - he's been in immersion since birth and we can support it at home. He' been tested in both English and Spanish and shows equal proficiency. He understands some things better in each language, so he speaks a lot of Spanglish to fill in the gaps. He also has friends who speak Spanish with him during play. It's very important to us that he continue on this path, and it's one of the biggest reasons we're torn.

It feels like that either one of these could be a good choice, it's just a matter of lost opportunity. We're not going to be able to get back in to whatever school we reject. And while nothing is certain, I really want to avoid changing schools once he's settled in. At this point, I'm really wondering if I should just flip a coin!

OP, your son sounds like he is doing very well. Far further along than my son (I'm the one with the kid at private). The difference between 3 and 6 has been huge for us. A lot of the quirks we had like you are saying are now gone. The language is catching up and its very hard to tell the difference between my child and his peers. I know there is a huge push for social at three but to me its overrated and work on the bigger concerns like language and the rest, like social will fall into place.

If your son was anxious and sad at the visit day, I'd go to the public school. When we looked at schools (a few times different years for different needs), even though my son could not verbally tell me, he told me with his behavior. That would be a huge red flag for me. For some schools, he was either clinging to me for dear life (some good reason) or trying to pull me out the door to others he wanted to join in to ours that when he did a shadow day, he didn't want to leave. If I saw him anxious and sad, not a chance I'd choose it just because the school was ok with his delays. There is more than just the delays to look at as hopefully in the next few years he'll catch up.

We have been told that immersions and montessori are not great for kids with language delays - I would consider it more of a concern with receptive delays over expressive. When the kids just don't get it with receptive delays, that is one of the bigger struggles as often they are misunderstood. We avoided them although one Montessori seemed open and fine and we would have chosen them if we did not go to the school we picked. If you can give him the support of the the language immersion, then that is a benefit some of us do not have. Our child's private has daily Spanish classes and that is one of his favorite classes, so for me, it could clearly work, especially when you speak the language.

Three is a difficult age with or without delays. But, do reread the post you just made - this really concerns me "He did a shadow day at the private, and was well-behaved but petrified to the point that he participated in very little and was anxious and sad." You clearly know your child, and if this is his reaction during the visit, is this the best choice? There are other privates if the charter does not work out. Why spend the extra money on a private that your child's initial reaction was not so positive. We are only spending the money as its affordable (under $12,000 a year) and we are ready there and happy - otherwise we'd be at public.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I love how this thread exploded, and I'm learning so much from the responses!

As far as behavior, no issues. It's quite the opposite, actually. My biggest concern is that because he is quiet and passive, he'll be ignored. A small classroom environment is a huge draw for us. It can be hard to hold his attention, but he's three so I don't blame the delays entirely. Can get fixated on things; right now it's elephants and our sprinkler. He saves his worst stuff for home.

Intelligence is normal by all current indications. He shows some ASD-like behaviors, but he's been evaluated three times and all said that an ASD diagnosis just doesn't fit.

Social - He has several friends he is very close to, but tends to avoid big groups until he knows them well and understands his "role," so to speak. At his current daycare, he participates in group activities and even takes a more assertive role in certain situations. He's very slow to warm up to new people, but develops strong attachments in time. He is very social and joyful with those he cares about, but mostly tolerates everyone else. He did a shadow day at the private, and was well-behaved but petrified to the point that he participated in very little and was anxious and sad.

Bilingual piece - he's been in immersion since birth and we can support it at home. He' been tested in both English and Spanish and shows equal proficiency. He understands some things better in each language, so he speaks a lot of Spanglish to fill in the gaps. He also has friends who speak Spanish with him during play. It's very important to us that he continue on this path, and it's one of the biggest reasons we're torn.

It feels like that either one of these could be a good choice, it's just a matter of lost opportunity. We're not going to be able to get back in to whatever school we reject. And while nothing is certain, I really want to avoid changing schools once he's settled in. At this point, I'm really wondering if I should just flip a coin!

OP, your son sounds like he is doing very well. Far further along than my son (I'm the one with the kid at private). The difference between 3 and 6 has been huge for us. A lot of the quirks we had like you are saying are now gone. The language is catching up and its very hard to tell the difference between my child and his peers. I know there is a huge push for social at three but to me its overrated and work on the bigger concerns like language and the rest, like social will fall into place.

If your son was anxious and sad at the visit day, I'd go to the public school. When we looked at schools (a few times different years for different needs), even though my son could not verbally tell me, he told me with his behavior. That would be a huge red flag for me. For some schools, he was either clinging to me for dear life (some good reason) or trying to pull me out the door to others he wanted to join in to ours that when he did a shadow day, he didn't want to leave. If I saw him anxious and sad, not a chance I'd choose it just because the school was ok with his delays. There is more than just the delays to look at as hopefully in the next few years he'll catch up.

We have been told that immersions and montessori are not great for kids with language delays - I would consider it more of a concern with receptive delays over expressive. When the kids just don't get it with receptive delays, that is one of the bigger struggles as often they are misunderstood. We avoided them although one Montessori seemed open and fine and we would have chosen them if we did not go to the school we picked. If you can give him the support of the the language immersion, then that is a benefit some of us do not have. Our child's private has daily Spanish classes and that is one of his favorite classes, so for me, it could clearly work, especially when you speak the language.

Three is a difficult age with or without delays. But, do reread the post you just made - this really concerns me "He did a shadow day at the private, and was well-behaved but petrified to the point that he participated in very little and was anxious and sad." You clearly know your child, and if this is his reaction during the visit, is this the best choice? There are other privates if the charter does not work out. Why spend the extra money on a private that your child's initial reaction was not so positive. We are only spending the money as its affordable (under $12,000 a year) and we are ready there and happy - otherwise we'd be at public.

OP here - he'd do this anywhere. New kids, new group, new location under any conditions would require a rough transition. The first couple of weeks are going to suck no matter where we go. But he does adapt, just a little slower!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I love how this thread exploded, and I'm learning so much from the responses!

As far as behavior, no issues. It's quite the opposite, actually. My biggest concern is that because he is quiet and passive, he'll be ignored. A small classroom environment is a huge draw for us. It can be hard to hold his attention, but he's three so I don't blame the delays entirely. Can get fixated on things; right now it's elephants and our sprinkler. He saves his worst stuff for home.

Intelligence is normal by all current indications. He shows some ASD-like behaviors, but he's been evaluated three times and all said that an ASD diagnosis just doesn't fit.

Social - He has several friends he is very close to, but tends to avoid big groups until he knows them well and understands his "role," so to speak. At his current daycare, he participates in group activities and even takes a more assertive role in certain situations. He's very slow to warm up to new people, but develops strong attachments in time. He is very social and joyful with those he cares about, but mostly tolerates everyone else. He did a shadow day at the private, and was well-behaved but petrified to the point that he participated in very little and was anxious and sad.

Bilingual piece - he's been in immersion since birth and we can support it at home. He' been tested in both English and Spanish and shows equal proficiency. He understands some things better in each language, so he speaks a lot of Spanglish to fill in the gaps. He also has friends who speak Spanish with him during play. It's very important to us that he continue on this path, and it's one of the biggest reasons we're torn.

It feels like that either one of these could be a good choice, it's just a matter of lost opportunity. We're not going to be able to get back in to whatever school we reject. And while nothing is certain, I really want to avoid changing schools once he's settled in. At this point, I'm really wondering if I should just flip a coin!

OP, your son sounds like he is doing very well. Far further along than my son (I'm the one with the kid at private). The difference between 3 and 6 has been huge for us. A lot of the quirks we had like you are saying are now gone. The language is catching up and its very hard to tell the difference between my child and his peers. I know there is a huge push for social at three but to me its overrated and work on the bigger concerns like language and the rest, like social will fall into place.

If your son was anxious and sad at the visit day, I'd go to the public school. When we looked at schools (a few times different years for different needs), even though my son could not verbally tell me, he told me with his behavior. That would be a huge red flag for me. For some schools, he was either clinging to me for dear life (some good reason) or trying to pull me out the door to others he wanted to join in to ours that when he did a shadow day, he didn't want to leave. If I saw him anxious and sad, not a chance I'd choose it just because the school was ok with his delays. There is more than just the delays to look at as hopefully in the next few years he'll catch up.

We have been told that immersions and montessori are not great for kids with language delays - I would consider it more of a concern with receptive delays over expressive. When the kids just don't get it with receptive delays, that is one of the bigger struggles as often they are misunderstood. We avoided them although one Montessori seemed open and fine and we would have chosen them if we did not go to the school we picked. If you can give him the support of the the language immersion, then that is a benefit some of us do not have. Our child's private has daily Spanish classes and that is one of his favorite classes, so for me, it could clearly work, especially when you speak the language.

Three is a difficult age with or without delays. But, do reread the post you just made - this really concerns me "He did a shadow day at the private, and was well-behaved but petrified to the point that he participated in very little and was anxious and sad." You clearly know your child, and if this is his reaction during the visit, is this the best choice? There are other privates if the charter does not work out. Why spend the extra money on a private that your child's initial reaction was not so positive. We are only spending the money as its affordable (under $12,000 a year) and we are ready there and happy - otherwise we'd be at public.

OP here - he'd do this anywhere. New kids, new group, new location under any conditions would require a rough transition. The first couple of weeks are going to suck no matter where we go. But he does adapt, just a little slower!

I'd still be a bit concerned. Were you able to observe or did he go alone?

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Anonymous wrote:Your child is almost 6 so your child is in K or 1st grade? Do you ever intend to go to public school?

Yes, our school only goes to 3nd grade so we'll either change for 1st or second. My kid missed the school cut off so going into K. Academically should be 1st grade so we supplement at home. He's probably be fine this year its affordable so we'd rather give him an extra year to fully catch up and avoid an IEP so he isn't labeled long term. And, he's happy there and wants to stay.

It doesn't necessarily work this way. I have a 12 year old and I've seen with him and other children with SN that we know--some school years everything goes smoothly and other years, the kid really needs some extra support. I hope that whatever issues your son had are resolved permanently but be prepared if that isn't the case. Finally, an IEP doesn't label a child with a scarlet letter for the rest of his life and isn't something you should be desperate to avoid. That is a pretty negative statement on a board full of people with children with IEPs.

+1. Please come back and update after your child has finished K.

He's already passed all the academic markers for K and some of 1st and 2nd, so that's not an issue. The bigger concern will be middle school if there are still some language deficits.

Special needs in some areas does not always translate into issues across the board as some are making it. The topic at hand is can OP child with mild SN be ok at a private. It is not about a 12 year old or even an 8 year old. It is about a 3 year old who has the potential to catch up.

Issues do not have to be academic. My 8 yr old never had academic issues.

Does he have friends at school? Does your child participate and is he fully engaged in the classroom? When there are group activities, is he a participant or is he off in a corner by himself?

Our public charter provides excellent supports for my kid's social communication issues which a private school won't since DS does great academically if they'll recognize his issues at all.

It really depends on the school - most privates will not but the one we are at did for my child. My child has several good friends, does participate and does engage in group activities (he's never in a corner himself but if any child is, the teachers step-in and they tend to build the classes around each child having at least one friend in the classroom).

It really depends on the diagnosis and actual needs as to where they'd do best. I don't think my child would have done well in a large public school classroom even with an IEP and supports. But, for another child, I do think that environment would be best. If OP feels her child's needs are mild, then either school can work. For us the difference between 3 and 6 was huge. At 3, no way would my child survive a public school. At 6, probably would be fine.

You are very lucky that you found a private school that serves your child so well. Good luck and hope it stays that way.

My child is at an immersion language school, Mandarin, where he was doing great in prek4, K, and 1st. The charter is 100% Mandarin in prek and DS had zero exposure to the language prior. DH and I don't know it. He has an IEP for ASD. No behavioral or academic issues. Everything going great. Starting in 2nd, we had a lot of behavioral issues. Not at home, just at school. He had a new Sp Ed teacher with zero experience as a Sp Ed teacher and a "brittle" personality (she didn't get along with many adults either). DS behavior got so bad the school was talking about giving us public funding for private placement without us even asking or filing for due process.

Anyway, before funding us the school has to bring in a behaviorist for a FBA/BP - part of the administrative process in getting funded - and everything became good again so much so that DS no longer needs the behavioral plan after 3 months.

I know had we been at a private school even the very good one we turned down for our charter, we would have been "counseled out". Most private schools don't have the resources or incentive to provide this kind of supports and services.

You've posted about your experience and its very unfortunate but its a bit different than OP. We would never have considered a language immersion given we knew we could not provide the support and the areas our child struggled in would make it hard for them to be successful in a program that was an immersion. He clearly needed simple, straight forward traditional teaching. And, even so based on your post, your child did great early on, so by OP topic, hers can do well anywhere. It sounds like the issue you had was a poor school and teacher fit, which is a bit different than OP questions or others experiences. The private school, given you had a behavioral issue, may have been better for your child if he had the right teacher who understood and was able to manage his needs. Also, ASD isn't something outgrown and as a child's needs change, so do their academic, home and other needs. Not all kids who have delays, even severe delays are ASD and its frustrating that it is the fall back assumption. While who knows what the future holds, bottom line is most kids can do well in either public or private depending on the teacher, supports provided, outside resources available and parental involvement.

At least at this point, our private is more than able to handle our child's needs which at this point are catching up and pretty similar to his peers. If anything, I need them to speed up the academics to keep him at an age appropriate level given he had to stay back a year due to the age cut off. I can see him acting out as he's bored and knows what is being taught as they are teaching to the children who aren't getting supports at home/need foundation work vs. those who have that strong foundation and ready to move forward. The ability of more individualized teaching is the only reason we will not stay longer at our private. Our school can do it but chooses not to.

That is not what I am saying at all. My son DID NOT have behavioral issues, was better behaved than most NT classmates, until 2nd grade. The bad behavior lasted about 4 months until the school did a FBA/BP.

My point is the same as yours, that kids can change especially younger ones and just bc you have a well behaved 3 or almost 6 yr old does not mean that you will ALWAYS be issue free and that public schools are better able to deal with behavioral issues than private.