Is private school an option for a child with mild SN?

[Anonymous]

My son will be entering PK3 this fall. We have a spot at a well-regarded charter and have recently been offered a spot at a small private school. Each offers its advantages and disadvantages regarding cost, commute, curriculum, and long-term potential. We have an IEP, and the charter school will provide the services. The private school cannot provide the services, but have said they will work with his differences within the class. My son's delays are primarily in social, sensory, and speech. They are not severe; he has remained in normal day care and is fully able to participate in normal classroom activities. He's made great progress with his OT and SLP, and we plan on maintaining all of his private services regardless of where he goes to school.

Given all of this, does anyone have experience with sending a mild SN child to a private? I understand the IEP requirement in't there, but we will maintain outside services and I think my son will benefit from the smaller community and classes. We love the school and see it as having much more long-term potential for us than the charter. We may be able to get into this private school again in a couple of years, but who knows? The charter is very well-regarded, very convenient, and I think will be able to provide wonderful support, but we still don't have a great feel for the future and it offers little in the way of foreign language (important to us; our son is currently bilingual).

Not sure either is a bad choice, but not sure which is better. Would love to get some insight from others who have been there or know more about the private side than I do. TIA!

[Anonymous]

I think it's almost impossible to advise b/c we don't know your kid or the schools or what the future will hold. But you may want to think about some things.

1. What would happen if for some reason, it didn't work out for your kid at the mainstream private? Where would he go?
2. Would transitioning to the mainstream private be an option in a few years?
3. Given commutes, tuition, etc. are you able to fit in whatever therapies/support your kid may need that he may not get during the day at the private?

Sometimes, kids react differently when the social and academic demands increase. So, it may be preferable to stick with the charter especially in the early years so you know those are needs are being met and supported.

[Anonymous]

My child attends private and I would say she started PreK with 3 boys who fit a similar profile. By first grade, they had all left. In older grades, it didn't work any better.

I realize that the smaller environment and the idea that private schools might be better about social/emotional curriculum make them appealing and make parents think that with those supports in place that it will be enough combined with outside help. The reality is that the majority of students are NT with higher than average learning abilities and some behavior challenges that can be redirected by the teacher and a child who doesn't fit that mold sticks out - quite a bit. in such a small environment, that one child that doesn't fit the mold gets labeled as the child who doesn't fit the mold and it's hard to get past that.

[Anonymous]

My concern for you, OP, is that you go with the small private school, it doesn't work out for whatever reason, and then you have lost your spot at the good charter school and are stuck with DCPS special ed services.

Are you in a good public boundary for a back up plan?

[Anonymous]

We started, pre-diagnosis, at a small mainstream private. Although we did not have a diagnosis, it was clear that he needed more social support than your typical kid; hence, our decision not to enroll in our (well-regarded) neighborhood public. From the beginning, it was clear that the private did not know what to do with him -- they were well-meaning and wanted to help, but we were still getting weekly phone calls asking for advice on how to handle certain things (i.e. hyper-focus, not engaging with other kids at lunch). I didn't know any better than they did -- they were the educators!

Ultimately, even though we were not at all asked to leave, we decided that he (and we!) needed more support and we switched to a SN private (having gotten a diagnosis in the meantime).

My lesson from that is even the most well-meaning private school teachers can lack the actual skills and knowledge necessary to support our kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My child attends private and I would say she started PreK with 3 boys who fit a similar profile. By first grade, they had all left. In older grades, it didn't work any better.

I realize that the smaller environment and the idea that private schools might be better about social/emotional curriculum make them appealing and make parents think that with those supports in place that it will be enough combined with outside help. The reality is that the majority of students are NT with higher than average learning abilities and some behavior challenges that can be redirected by the teacher and a child who doesn't fit that mold sticks out - quite a bit. in such a small environment, that one child that doesn't fit the mold gets labeled as the child who doesn't fit the mold and it's hard to get past that.

+1

This has been our experience at a nwdc private school that is occasionally suggested on DCUM as a good place for SN parents to try. I wish they wouldn't do this, for the reasons PP describes.

[Anonymous]

OP here - thank you all SO much for your insights. To answer some questions - our inbound school is terrible, so if things didn't work out we'd be looking at the lottery. The charter we got this year is a great catch, and I only see it getting harder to win a spot. Finances and commute can be flexible to accommodate whatever. My gut is leaning towards the charter, while keeping fingers crossed that if my son reaches a point where he doesn't need the additional support, we'll consider other options. We're still trying to dial down what exactly the "right" environment would be; my son gets along fine in most environments and his issues primarily manifest themselves as profound shyness. He ends up blending well into any environment with time and is great at following rules. But the reasons so many of you cited above are exactly why I'm just not sure if a mainstream program is right for him at this time.

Our primary concern is what's going to be best, and I think I have a much clearer picture now. Thank you all so much!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thank you all SO much for your insights. To answer some questions - our inbound school is terrible, so if things didn't work out we'd be looking at the lottery. The charter we got this year is a great catch, and I only see it getting harder to win a spot. Finances and commute can be flexible to accommodate whatever. My gut is leaning towards the charter, while keeping fingers crossed that if my son reaches a point where he doesn't need the additional support, we'll consider other options. We're still trying to dial down what exactly the "right" environment would be; my son gets along fine in most environments and his issues primarily manifest themselves as profound shyness. He ends up blending well into any environment with time and is great at following rules. But the reasons so many of you cited above are exactly why I'm just not sure if a mainstream program is right for him at this time.

Our primary concern is what's going to be best, and I think I have a much clearer picture now. Thank you all so much!

Take the charter spot. It is really, really, really hard to know how he's going to do in school when you have a 3 year old. In a few years, you can switch him to the private if you think he can handle it.

[Anonymous]

Another thing to think about is that kids with language delays as preschoolers are (statistically) more likely to have learning disabilities when they get older. At 3, you probably don't have any sense of his academic needs, so you should make choices now that keep options open as you learn more about his academic profile.

[Anonymous]

It absolutely can work. We went to a small private for our child that had severe language delays and some social. It was a great year for him. He was in small classes where the teachers could give him lots of attention until he as ok on his own. They also carefully matched him with a few other boys they thought he'd do well with and it was a great match for all the boys. My son has rapidly progressed, finally and we're stay for another year just to give him more time before a public. Our insurance covers speech so we continued it privately - some before school and he'd be late and some after school. My child had severe speech delays but no learning. Its generally assumed these kids have other disabilities, but its not always the case. He was a bit behind in writing/fine motor but we work on it at home and they work on it at school and its catching up too. It really depends on what you think is best for your child. I would not place a child with severe to moderate speech delays, especially receptive in a large classroom. Mild is ok.

We found it very hard to find a school that would take my child as many only focused on the negative and could not see past it or any positive. Obviously in the end, it was a blessing as we made it to the right school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My child attends private and I would say she started PreK with 3 boys who fit a similar profile. By first grade, they had all left. In older grades, it didn't work any better.

I realize that the smaller environment and the idea that private schools might be better about social/emotional curriculum make them appealing and make parents think that with those supports in place that it will be enough combined with outside help. The reality is that the majority of students are NT with higher than average learning abilities and some behavior challenges that can be redirected by the teacher and a child who doesn't fit that mold sticks out - quite a bit. in such a small environment, that one child that doesn't fit the mold gets labeled as the child who doesn't fit the mold and it's hard to get past that.

Not all kids with delays have behavioral issues. You are confusing different needs. Kids with delays, like mine can be very smart.

[Anonymous]

I would stick with the charter for now. At the charter, they should be equipped to handle mild needs and you can still continue to receive special education services through the school. Privates will most likely not be equipped to handle SN and you will not get the special education services. You can always pull your child from the charter if it is not working - especially since he is still young. If your child does end up having a learning disability - kids who do tend to struggle more as they get into 2nd grade. I would save your money for the later years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's almost impossible to advise b/c we don't know your kid or the schools or what the future will hold. But you may want to think about some things.

1. What would happen if for some reason, it didn't work out for your kid at the mainstream private? Where would he go?
2. Would transitioning to the mainstream private be an option in a few years?
3. Given commutes, tuition, etc. are you able to fit in whatever therapies/support your kid may need that he may not get during the day at the private?

Sometimes, kids react differently when the social and academic demands increase. So, it may be preferable to stick with the charter especially in the early years so you know those are needs are being met and supported.

This is good advice. We had to choose between a very well regarded private and a highly regarded charter and are so glad that we chose the charter. DS was not diagnosed until he was 4 and had we chosen the private school, we would have had to leave.

No behavioral or learning issues other than not engaging with other kids... That is until 2nd grade when we had a ton of behavioral issues. If we did not have the IEP, DS would have been expelled or suspended.

All behavioral issues were resolved within a few month with the IEP and DS will be entering 3rd grade at the same charter.

We will be looking at mainstream private schools for middle schools and beyond but am soooooo glad we chose the charter for elementary.

[Anonymous]

^our charter is an immersion language charter and the private school did not provide anything near that level of instruction in another language.

[Anonymous]

OP - You are making the right choice with the most options for your DS. If you lived in a DC area with a good neighborhood school, it would be entirely different. It makes the most sense to keep going with the services in place in school division as well as the private therapies. Keeping these going is definitely key to having your young son continue to progress. He will also have the benefit of the language immersion program. In three or four years time you will have a much clearer idea of how your son is doing across the board including academically, and perhaps an even broader range of very good private schools to consider if the charter school should not remain a strong program or the right fit for him. Front-loading the therapies really is key for many young children AND especially if you like the therapists you are working with. Also once he gets into school should you go to a private school setting, you could consider putting some enrichment opportunities with say a native language speaker sitter, a tutor , or language classes.