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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here - I love how this thread exploded, and I'm learning so much from the responses!

As far as behavior, no issues.  It's quite the opposite, actually.  My biggest concern is that because he is quiet and passive, he'll be ignored.  A small classroom environment is a huge draw for us.  It can be hard to hold his attention, but he's three so I don't blame the delays entirely.  Can get fixated on things; right now it's elephants and our sprinkler.  He saves his worst stuff for home.

Intelligence is normal by all current indications.  He shows some ASD-like behaviors, but he's been evaluated three times and all said that an ASD diagnosis just doesn't fit.

Social - He has several friends he is very close to, but tends to avoid big groups until he knows them well and understands his "role," so to speak.  At his current daycare, he participates in group activities and even takes a more assertive role in certain situations.  He's very slow to warm up to new people, but develops strong attachments in time.  He is very social and joyful with those he cares about, but mostly tolerates everyone else.  He did a shadow day at the private, and was well-behaved but petrified to the point that he participated in very little and was anxious and sad.

Bilingual piece - he's been in immersion since birth and we can support it at home.  He' been tested in both English and Spanish and shows equal proficiency.  He understands some things better in each language, so he speaks a lot of Spanglish to fill in the gaps.  He also has friends who speak Spanish with him during play.  It's very important to us that he continue on this path, and it's one of the biggest reasons we're torn.

It feels like that either one of these could be a good choice, it's just a matter of lost opportunity.  We're not going to be able to get back in to whatever school we reject.  And while nothing is certain, I really want to avoid changing schools once he's settled in.  At this point, I'm really wondering if I should just flip a coin!

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OP, your son sounds like he is doing very well.  Far further along than my son (I'm the one with the kid at private).  The difference between 3 and 6 has been huge for us.  A lot of the quirks we had like you are saying are now gone.  The language is catching up and its very hard to tell the difference between my child and his peers.  I know there is a huge push for social at three but to me its overrated and work on the bigger concerns like language and the rest, like social will fall into place.

If your son was anxious and sad at the visit day, I'd go to the public school.  When we looked at schools (a few times different years for different needs), even though my son could not verbally tell me, he told me with his behavior.  That would be a huge red flag for me.  For some schools, he was either clinging to me for dear life (some good reason) or trying to pull me out the door to others he wanted to join in to ours that when he did a shadow day, he didn't want to leave.  If I saw him anxious and sad, not a chance I'd choose it just because the school was ok with his delays.  There is more than just the delays to look at as hopefully in the next few years he'll catch up.

We have been told that immersions and montessori are not great for kids with language delays - I would consider it more of a concern with receptive delays over expressive.  When the kids just don't get it with receptive delays, that is one of the bigger struggles as often they are misunderstood.  We avoided them although one Montessori seemed open and fine and we would have chosen them if we did not go to the school we picked.   If you can give him the support of the the language immersion, then that is a benefit some of us do not have.  Our child's private has daily Spanish classes and that is one of his favorite classes, so for me, it could clearly work, especially when you speak the language.

Three is a difficult age with or without delays.  But, do reread the post you just made - this really concerns me "He did a shadow day at the private, and was well-behaved but petrified to the point that he participated in very little and was anxious and sad."  You clearly know your child, and if this is his reaction during the visit, is this the best choice?  There are other privates if the charter does not work out.  Why spend the extra money on a private that your child's initial reaction was not so positive.  We are only spending the money as its affordable (under $12,000 a year) and we are ready there and happy - otherwise we'd be at public. [/quote]

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