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[quote=Anonymous]OP here - I love how this thread exploded, and I'm learning so much from the responses!

As far as behavior, no issues.  It's quite the opposite, actually.  My biggest concern is that because he is quiet and passive, he'll be ignored.  A small classroom environment is a huge draw for us.  It can be hard to hold his attention, but he's three so I don't blame the delays entirely.  Can get fixated on things; right now it's elephants and our sprinkler.  He saves his worst stuff for home.

Intelligence is normal by all current indications.  He shows some ASD-like behaviors, but he's been evaluated three times and all said that an ASD diagnosis just doesn't fit.

Social - He has several friends he is very close to, but tends to avoid big groups until he knows them well and understands his "role," so to speak.  At his current daycare, he participates in group activities and even takes a more assertive role in certain situations.  He's very slow to warm up to new people, but develops strong attachments in time.  He is very social and joyful with those he cares about, but mostly tolerates everyone else.  He did a shadow day at the private, and was well-behaved but petrified to the point that he participated in very little and was anxious and sad.

Bilingual piece - he's been in immersion since birth and we can support it at home.  He' been tested in both English and Spanish and shows equal proficiency.  He understands some things better in each language, so he speaks a lot of Spanglish to fill in the gaps.  He also has friends who speak Spanish with him during play.  It's very important to us that he continue on this path, and it's one of the biggest reasons we're torn.

It feels like that either one of these could be a good choice, it's just a matter of lost opportunity.  We're not going to be able to get back in to whatever school we reject.  And while nothing is certain, I really want to avoid changing schools once he's settled in.  At this point, I'm really wondering if I should just flip a coin!

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