Disagreement with DW over non-athletic 8yo

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

DS is more nerd than jock. He is into science and superheroes. He is also a regular kid with some social quirks. He doesn't have a passion for any sport, though he does enjoy it when he is out there, as long as he isn't being teased. He would always choose video games over going outside to play. We have had him in a variety of sports for good health habits, social opportunities and to see if there is a sport that he might enjoy. This summer he is in a very non-competitive sports camp. The camp has lots of non-sports activities. He has complained about getting teased and picked last for teams, and is now being excluded from games organized by other kids.

DW thinks that it is cruel to keep putting him in sporty environments, and that it will negatively effect his self esteem. I think it is important for DS to maintain a baseline, even if low level, relationship to sports, and to help him improve, rather than pull him out altogether. I have no fantasy of him being great at sports. I do think that sports are an important part of being a well-rounded person, and that we need to expose him to regular physical activity and the lessons to be learned from sports.

Anyone BTDT?

I agree with you. Have him choose a sport and agree to stick with it for the full season. Encourage and praise him for every little triumph he has, get as involved as you can, especially supporting him.

Don't do your child a disservice by allowing them to form lazy habits and social awkwardness so young.

This very last sentence and the attitude it expresses is exactly why team sports are unnecessary and how tue everyone must do team sports or be a loser attitude is so damaging.

People who do not do team sports are not lazy and awkward. You have a poor attitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of guys don't play sports and are perfectly fine. You don't need to do team sports to be a proper male.

Working with a team, sportmanship, learning to be a good winner and loser, physical fitness/being active - are all things that will take you far in life. Male or female.

True, but sports is one of many ways to achieve those goals.

What are your suggestions for achieving all of those goals?

Dance.

Scouts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Haven't read all the responses, but I would like to add my own personal experience.

I'm not a good "team player." I'm not coordinated, and not all that graceful. That said, I excelled when my parents stopped (after nearly a decade) with the f*&#ing soccer team and put me in swimming. I did really well. Then they introduced me to dance, which led me to yoga - now I own a thriving yoga studio in Southern California.

So, yes, encourage your son to do individual sports. He'll find something he likes, I'm sure.

What if someday he says.

I sucked at team sports when I was 8... Then my parents gave up on me and I did yoga and dance until I was 15.... Fucking yoga!!!!!!

Then I played rugby and crew in HS and loved it.

Forcing him to do team sports now when he hates it, is bad at it and feels badly about himself doing the team sports is most likely to turn him completely off from sports completely.

Letting him build confidence and learn teamwork and leadership through other non team sports activities while remaining fit through general activity or individual sports is much more likely to result in a kid who is confident to try sports when he is ready.

Your approach is all wrong PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

DS is more nerd than jock. He is into science and superheroes. He is also a regular kid with some social quirks. He doesn't have a passion for any sport, though he does enjoy it when he is out there, as long as he isn't being teased. He would always choose video games over going outside to play. We have had him in a variety of sports for good health habits, social opportunities and to see if there is a sport that he might enjoy. This summer he is in a very non-competitive sports camp. The camp has lots of non-sports activities. He has complained about getting teased and picked last for teams, and is now being excluded from games organized by other kids.

DW thinks that it is cruel to keep putting him in sporty environments, and that it will negatively effect his self esteem. I think it is important for DS to maintain a baseline, even if low level, relationship to sports, and to help him improve, rather than pull him out altogether. I have no fantasy of him being great at sports. I do think that sports are an important part of being a well-rounded person, and that we need to expose him to regular physical activity and the lessons to be learned from sports.

Anyone BTDT?

I agree with you. Have him choose a sport and agree to stick with it for the full season. Encourage and praise him for every little triumph he has, get as involved as you can, especially supporting him.

Don't do your child a disservice by allowing them to form lazy habits and social awkwardness so young.

This very last sentence and the attitude it expresses is exactly why team sports are unnecessary and how tue everyone must do team sports or be a loser attitude is so damaging.

People who do not do team sports are not lazy and awkward. You have a poor attitude.

You have poor reading comprehension skills. I didn't say people who do not do team spots are lazy and awkward. OP was voicing concerns about his son needing physical activities and being socially awkward. My suggestion was to have the child choose a sport and make a pact to stick to it and for the father to really get involved with him and make it is supportive and fun as possible.

So show me where I said anything about competitive spots, loser attitude or that people who don't do team sports are lazy and awkward? I'll wait.

[Anonymous]

"Don't do your child a disservice by allowing them to form lazy habits and social awkwardness so young. "

When you are responding to a thread about letting a child choose not to participate in team sports with a sentence like this, it is clear that you are associating not doing team sports with "lazy" and "social awkwardness".

Your words, no one else's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Don't do your child a disservice by allowing them to form lazy habits and social awkwardness so young. "

When you are responding to a thread about letting a child choose not to participate in team sports with a sentence like this, it is clear that you are associating not doing team sports with "lazy" and "social awkwardness".

Your words, no one else's.

No, it is not clear. I was not "associating not doing team sports" with 'lazy' and 'social awkwardness'". I explained this once, do I really have to again?

Not encouraged about physically activity young can cause a child to form lazy habits as an adult. Not encouraging small doses of social settings and allowing them to build confidence is a disservice to them.

Sometime people write a post that might have a sentence in it that doesn't have anything to do with the title of the thread, you know that right? Sometimes people respond to the advice the OP is asking for.

Clear?

[Anonymous]

OP - I have not fully read this thread but please, please do not keep your kid in team sports where he is the last kid picked for the team if he does not enjoy it. That was the situation my brother and I were both in growing up and I think it really shook our confidence. There are other ways to learn teamwork, leadership, etc. If you are the worst on the team and everyone is being mean to you and you are miserable, I sought you are learning the positive lessons from sports anyway.

In terms of other options, I think things like fencing or martial arts or hiking/scouts might work. Have you thought of Outward Bound or something similar for next summer? A camp where physician activity is more of the hiking/rafting variety might be a better fit since it's not competitive.

I still remember how much it sucked to know that when it was my turn at softball everyone was rolling their eyes and expecting me to strike out.

I am now very physically active (much more than friend played variety sports in high school) doing things like marathon running, spinning, weights so I don't necessarily think being uncoordinated dooms you child to sedentary life.

Good luck with everything - you both clearly love your kid and wants what is best for him.

[Anonymous]

My son is the same age and doesn't really enjoy sports. Lots of his friends are now playing in competitive soccer leagues, and we're just sticking with the church team. There are lots of other outdoor activities that DS loves, so we're fostering those instead--swimming, camping, canoeing, hiking, etc. I think it's more important that he learn to be active than to play sports.

[Anonymous]

Kids need to be active. Do a sport any sport regardless if he sucks at it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids need to be active. Do a sport any sport regardless if he sucks at it.

NP. There are ways to be physically active without organized sports.

My kids need to be physically active to keep their bodies healthy, however there is no reason they need to do an organized sport that they dislike and do not want to do.

[Anonymous]

If he has any interest in horses at all, try riding. The secret of equestrian sports is that there are so few men riders that basically any man who rides, no matter how unathlethletic, can have his pick of females. I've never understood why more men haven't figured this out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would pick one sport he likes and only do that sport for the next year to see if he improves. Don't sign him up for any other sport? Jack of all trades, master of nine. It he isn't athletic then trying too many sports doesn't give him enough time to get better at any of them. Is he tall, then try basketball. Short them try soccer. Is he not aggressive at all? Then try baseball if he can hit a pitch (take him to the batting cages five times to see if he can start hitting and has decent bat speed. He might not hit any the first two visits but keep trying). Whatever you pick work with him to practice those skills at the park or backyard. My nephew was not athletic but was tall. My brother decided to have him only do basketball for a year. He did basketball summer camps, fall basketball skills class, winter basketball league, spring skills class, and another round of basketball summer camps. My nephew was really awful last year at 9 but I just watched him play last week and he has gotten so much better. Last year at camp the kids literally groaned out loud when he was placed on their teams. Now kids are fine and talk and interact with him. He still isn't the best but he is now an average player and can play pick up games at recess at school. There were times he got discouraged but I think he loves all the time my brother spends with him shooting hoops in the backyard.

We have a son like OP and followed this advice. It has worked out well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he has any interest in horses at all, try riding. The secret of equestrian sports is that there are so few men riders that basically any man who rides, no matter how unathlethletic, can have his pick of females. I've never understood why more men haven't figured this out.

His pick of females for what? Half the classes in this area won't even take boys for riding so this may be part of why boys shy away from riding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids need to be active. Do a sport any sport regardless if he sucks at it.

NP. There are ways to be physically active without organized sports.

My kids need to be physically active to keep their bodies healthy, however there is no reason they need to do an organized sport that they dislike and do not want to do.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Don't do your child a disservice by allowing them to form lazy habits and social awkwardness so young. "

When you are responding to a thread about letting a child choose not to participate in team sports with a sentence like this, it is clear that you are associating not doing team sports with "lazy" and "social awkwardness".

Your words, no one else's.

No, it is not clear. I was not "associating not doing team sports" with 'lazy' and 'social awkwardness'". I explained this once, do I really have to again?

Not encouraged about physically activity young can cause a child to form lazy habits as an adult. Not encouraging small doses of social settings and allowing them to build confidence is a disservice to them.

Sometime people write a post that might have a sentence in it that doesn't have anything to do with the title of the thread, you know that right? Sometimes people respond to the advice the OP is asking for.

Clear?

NP but your original post read like the other PP's interpretation to me as well.