Disagreement with DW over non-athletic 8yo

[Anonymous]

I agree that you need to keep him physically active, but subjecting him to that toxic environment doesn't seem great and will probably backfire. Besides, involvement in sports helps grades. You could tell your DW that.

[Anonymous]

Try a kids climbing team, general adventure camp, cycling with you, get a dog and start dog sports such as agility---this and climbing are wonderful supportive communities that will teach him to work for a goal, to push his limits, and help with his physical state and co-ordination.

I'm 53 and I still remember the sting of listening to my classmates fight over who had to put me on their team this time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We do play up his strengths and non-athletic talents. I guess I just think basic physical abilities are important to have. He has weaknesses in academic areas that we keep working on so that he has basic competence. I feel we should do that with sports too, rather then closing it out early. If he isn't playing recreational, non-competitive sports later, I want it to be because he doesn't want to, not because he doesn't feel he can. I would want the same for my daughter.

I sincerely admire his strengths and encourage his passions. But i do think part of my job is helping to round out his skills and interests. I will look into more individualized physical activities.

I agree that it is also worth talking to the camp about the teasing to see if it has gone too far.

What kinds of weaknesses in academic areas? Are you working with him on reading and math basics because those are global things that he'll need to be able to pursue what interests him, or are you drilling him on the details of the civil war even though he doesn't care for history and doesn't have a great head for remembering facts and dates? To give him a basic competence in sports, expose him to different things so he understands what's involved, but then back off. If a sport piques his interest, then he'll be motivated to work harder on the necessary skills (throwing a football, passing a soccer ball, fielding a baseball, etc.) because *he* wants to do it. And make sure you're exposing him to non-team sports, where he can progress at his own pace without the pressure of letting down a team if he's not as skilled as other players.

But then you need to let him decide who he is. He doesn't need to learn how to shoot a free throw in order to decide he's just not interested in basketball.

[Anonymous]

8...3rd grade is too young to give up on him being able to bond with other boys through sports.

I know multiple boys (my boys are in all boys school) that became competent in a sport or two by 8th grade.

Get some friends together and play flag football. Play pickup basketball. Compete in low level sports.

Basketball is good because all of his friends will be cut in 9th grade and they can learn to just play for fun. My son plays in a fun Bb league in high school, he was cut in 6th grade (ouch) but he can easily play a pickup game because he learned to just play for fun.

He continued to go to camps and found out he is good at long jump, who knew. Now he wants to do track.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:8...3rd grade is too young to give up on him being able to bond with other boys through sports.

I know multiple boys (my boys are in all boys school) that became competent in a sport or two by 8th grade.

Get some friends together and play flag football. Play pickup basketball. Compete in low level sports.

Basketball is good because all of his friends will be cut in 9th grade and they can learn to just play for fun. My son plays in a fun Bb league in high school, he was cut in 6th grade (ouch) but he can easily play a pickup game because he learned to just play for fun.

He continued to go to camps and found out he is good at long jump, who knew. Now he wants to do track.

3rd grade is the age where really unathletic boys realize they are not good at team sports. Keeping him involved in team sports is the worst thing for him if he is an "always picked last" kind of kid. Not everyone needs team sports and plenty of boys can have wonderful, fulfilled lives full of fitness and team camraderie without ever being a part of team sports.

Your post sounds like someone whose perspective is of a sporty family where everyone is at least competent in team sports. OPs son is not that kid. Tewm sports do not sound healthy for him. Individual fitness based activities sound like the way to go with teamwork coming from otuer non sport activities.

[Anonymous]

My son sounds a lot like yours and after talking to a professional she recommended that we pursue team sports that are more individually focused such as baseball, tennis, golf or swimming. I didn't fully appreciate it, but the chaos or soccer and basketball drive him crazy because he can't anticipate what others are going to do. Needless to say, at 8 I am convinced he is going to be an engineer like his father! He really likes baseball so we are focusing on ensuring he has the skills to succeed.

Also, I think 8 is way too young to just stop playing sports all together. In most areas kids don't start playing sports until 3rd grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:8...3rd grade is too young to give up on him being able to bond with other boys through sports.

I know multiple boys (my boys are in all boys school) that became competent in a sport or two by 8th grade.

Get some friends together and play flag football. Play pickup basketball. Compete in low level sports.

Basketball is good because all of his friends will be cut in 9th grade and they can learn to just play for fun. My son plays in a fun Bb league in high school, he was cut in 6th grade (ouch) but he can easily play a pickup game because he learned to just play for fun.

He continued to go to camps and found out he is good at long jump, who knew. Now he wants to do track.

3rd grade is the age where really unathletic boys realize they are not good at team sports. Keeping him involved in team sports is the worst thing for him if he is an "always picked last" kind of kid. Not everyone needs team sports and plenty of boys can have wonderful, fulfilled lives full of fitness and team camraderie without ever being a part of team sports.

Your post sounds like someone whose perspective is of a sporty family where everyone is at least competent in team sports. OPs son is not that kid. Tewm sports do not sound healthy for him. Individual fitness based activities sound like the way to go with teamwork coming from otuer non sport activities.

No. My perspective is from a mom of a kid who would rather code on his computer but was still challenged to do things that make him feel uncomfortable and he is now able to face adversity and hang with friends.

Also, he is dyslexic and smart kids are way more cruel when you read aloud incorrectly than kids on the Bb court when you airball.

I am not saying to put him on a tackle football team, I am saying play flag football in your back yard, go to the park and shoot hoops.

The idea that smart bookish kids are automatically nice and athletic kids are automatically mean is just plain wrong.

Keep at it, learn to deal, find the right fit.

[Anonymous]

Have him try sports classes instead of a camp or a competitive team. A sports class has less pressure to do well.

Btdt with sports camp. My son quit the first day. Sports camps aren't for beginners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have him try sports classes instead of a camp or a competitive team. A sports class has less pressure to do well.

Btdt with sports camp. My son quit the first day. Sports camps aren't for beginners.

My son is the same age and we are dealing with the same thing. I am not ready to give up on exposing him to team sports, I think regular exercise is especially important for him since his first inclination is always to stay inside and play video games. I agree that the sports classes (offered by the rec centers) are a less intimidating way to get familiar with sports. I feel like this area is insane in terms of its expectations of kids and sports, but I'm hoping that he will actually have an easier time as he gets older and the better athletes leave for travel teams.

[Anonymous]

Also, make sure your son can play golf and ski.

I am the mom of the dyslexic coder.

He gets invited to these two things by friend all the time. He should at least be competent enough to go with friends. Also my colleges age son does these two things at college often.

[Anonymous]

If you don't accept your child for who he is, he is going to end up with huge self esteem issues. You didn't get an athlete. Accept it and move on. You may want him to bond through basketball, but there are a lot of boys in this area bonding through robotics, or chess or whatever. Telling a child that they need to stay physically active, and helping them find a good fit is one thing (and another vote for fencing for nerdy unathletic kids). Demanding that they do it through team sports is another-- especially since boys with ADD and SPDs can have huge problems in this area.

[Anonymous]

Have him try sports classes instead of a camp or a competitive team. A sports class has less pressure to do well.

I agree with this. My son is not exactly unathletic, but super unaggressive, so team sports do not work well for him at all. He does really love a basketball skills clinic that he is in at our YMCA, though, where the focus is more on drills and skills than competition. He also swims (not on a team, but rather an advanced group lesson and then just some laps).

[Anonymous]

Do camps he enjoys. To keep active, try open swim or gym.

[Anonymous]

I have a boy who sounds a lot like your son OP. Mine is now 11yo and still loves superheroes and science. He hates competitive anything, just hates it. He's happy enough to play sports in the backyard, but he won't run out of bed in the morning like his younger brother desperate to get his hands on a ball of some kind. It's got to be innate, especially bc the younger emulates his older brother in every way other than a love of sports.

Fwiw both my kids spent 6 weeks at Valley Mill this summer and both loved it. Plenty of sports (soccer, basketball, rock wall) as well as just lots of water sports and spending all days tramping around the woods. But the emphasis wasn't on winning a game or obsessing about a single sport, so it was great for a nonathletic kid.

[Anonymous]

8 years old. Third grade. Please. There is no way to tell whether he will enjoy sports when he's older. He's 8. Let him be who he is. My DS didn't start enjoying or becoming even partially decent at sports until he was around 12. That poor kid.