Disagreement with DW over non-athletic 8yo

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

DS is more nerd than jock. He is into science and superheroes. He is also a regular kid with some social quirks. He doesn't have a passion for any sport, though he does enjoy it when he is out there, as long as he isn't being teased. He would always choose video games over going outside to play. We have had him in a variety of sports for good health habits, social opportunities and to see if there is a sport that he might enjoy. This summer he is in a very non-competitive sports camp. The camp has lots of non-sports activities. He has complained about getting teased and picked last for teams, and is now being excluded from games organized by other kids.

DW thinks that it is cruel to keep putting him in sporty environments, and that it will negatively effect his self esteem. I think it is important for DS to maintain a baseline, even if low level, relationship to sports, and to help him improve, rather than pull him out altogether. I have no fantasy of him being great at sports. I do think that sports are an important part of being a well-rounded person, and that we need to expose him to regular physical activity and the lessons to be learned from sports.

Anyone BTDT?

I agree with you. Have him choose a sport and agree to stick with it for the full season. Encourage and praise him for every little triumph he has, get as involved as you can, especially supporting him.

Don't do your child a disservice by allowing them to form lazy habits and social awkwardness so young.

[Anonymous]

Lots of guys don't play sports and are perfectly fine. You don't need to do team sports to be a proper male.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of guys don't play sports and are perfectly fine. You don't need to do team sports to be a proper male.

Working with a team, sportmanship, learning to be a good winner and loser, physical fitness/being active - are all things that will take you far in life. Male or female.

[Anonymous]

I would not send a non-sporty kid to a sporty camp. I have a fairly sporty kid who doesn't like sporty camps because they're too intense and competitive. Keep your son in regular rec sports, especially where you can keep an eye out and make sure he's learning what you want him to learn - perseverance, good sportsmanship, being part of a team. But for summer camps, let him pick things that cater more to his interests. My sporty kid does arty summer camps.

If you want him to continue with athletics in the summer, rather than have it be a season off, do swim team, or go on hikes. Go geocaching and ride bikes.

[Anonymous]

Have him choose a physical activity that he enjoys and wants to pursue. Is there a reason it has to be a team sport?

[Anonymous]

Reading this thread makes me feel so sad for the OP's son. There's no doubt that he's already feeling pressure from his dad to be someone he is not and that he's feeling his dad's disappointment. Disappointment will later turn to resentment.

Dad, tread very, very carefully here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Raise the child you have, not the child you want.

If you must insist on trying to keep active in athletics, perhaps choose non-team activities.

E.g. Fencing, martial arts, etc. Sports that don't involve a ball.

I think it's important for nerdy kids to have some sport or activity that is physical. They need to develop good physical fitness so they are healthy for life. My nerdy kids are in karate and take a parkour class. Karate is a very hard class, BTW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of guys don't play sports and are perfectly fine. You don't need to do team sports to be a proper male.

Working with a team, sportmanship, learning to be a good winner and loser, physical fitness/being active - are all things that will take you far in life. Male or female.

True, but sports is one of many ways to achieve those goals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son sounds a lot like yours and after talking to a professional she recommended that we pursue team sports that are more individually focused such as baseball, tennis, golf or swimming. I didn't fully appreciate it, but the chaos or soccer and basketball drive him crazy because he can't anticipate what others are going to do. Needless to say, at 8 I am convinced he is going to be an engineer like his father! He really likes baseball so we are focusing on ensuring he has the skills to succeed.

Also, I think 8 is way too young to just stop playing sports all together. In most areas kids don't start playing sports until 3rd grade.

+1

[Anonymous]

When my kid was in elementary my goals for him were that across a week he did something that got his body moving and his heart pumping, he did something that had him working as a team with other kids, and he did something that exposed him to the arts. At different points that combo looked different so it might be:

Tae Kwon Do (got his body moving), Being in the school musical (team/ arts)

Soccer (body moving, team), piano lessons (arts)

Hanging out at the pool or playground (body moving), summer robotics program (team), going to a show at the Kennedy Center (arts)

Hiking with the family (body moving),

I would also say that whether or not your kid is into sports at 8 is not a predictor on whether or not they'll be into sports down the road. One of my kid's geekiest friends just went to the state finals for Ultimate Frisbee. The spaciest kid on his soccer team lettered in wrestling his freshman year. The entire crew team at my kid's school is made up of kids you wouldn't think would be athletes.

My kid enjoyed low key sports, very rec level, and then discovered a sport he loved in middle school, and now does it very intensely.

[Anonymous]

He needs physical activity and practice working together with people but doesn't necessarily need that in the form of team sports.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We do play up his strengths and non-athletic talents. I guess I just think basic physical abilities are important to have. He has weaknesses in academic areas that we keep working on so that he has basic competence. I feel we should do that with sports too, rather then closing it out early. If he isn't playing recreational, non-competitive sports later, I want it to be because he doesn't want to, not because he doesn't feel he can. I would want the same for my daughter.

I sincerely admire his strengths and encourage his passions. But i do think part of my job is helping to round out his skills and interests. I will look into more individualized physical activities.

I agree that it is also worth talking to the camp about the teasing to see if it has gone too far.

OP, I think it is important for people to be physically active. Not to have physical abilities.

I have a son who is not coordinated and has associated problems with e.g. handwriting.. We kept him moving when he was young via hiking, biking, scooter ing, walking. He was on a rec swim team for a time.

He joined his high school cross-country team two years ago and now runs varsity. He runs for his own enjoyment every day. And he swims laps at our pool club a few times a week.

Focus on keeping your son active. The rest will follow.

[Anonymous]

Gymnastics. Swimming. Tennis. Golf. Lots of sports where he can push himself physically but not be teased.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of guys don't play sports and are perfectly fine. You don't need to do team sports to be a proper male.

Working with a team, sportmanship, learning to be a good winner and loser, physical fitness/being active - are all things that will take you far in life. Male or female.

True, but sports is one of many ways to achieve those goals.

What are your suggestions for achieving all of those goals?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Raise the child you have, not the child you want.

If you must insist on trying to keep active in athletics, perhaps choose non-team activities.

E.g. Fencing, martial arts, etc. Sports that don't involve a ball.

Except, at this age, you don't fully know the child you have. So making decisions based on a cliched saying is not advisable.