Disagreement with DW over non-athletic 8yo

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of guys don't play sports and are perfectly fine. You don't need to do team sports to be a proper male.

Working with a team, sportmanship, learning to be a good winner and loser, physical fitness/being active - are all things that will take you far in life. Male or female.

True, but sports is one of many ways to achieve those goals.

What are your suggestions for achieving all of those goals?

NP. Boy Scouts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Raise the child you have, not the child you want.

If you must insist on trying to keep active in athletics, perhaps choose non-team activities.

E.g. Fencing, martial arts, etc. Sports that don't involve a ball.

+1

My mom is super athletic and loves all sorts of sports, but she let me be my nerdy bookish self. As an adult, I've grow to appreciate activities like running and yoga, but team/ball sports will never be my thing.

Also consider: would you raise a girl the same way, or do you feel like a boy in particular needs to know sports?

I think that, with girls, it is just as important to expose them to sports. But at the end of the day, if a girl is not interested in or good at, sports that issocially ok. She can eschew sports altogether and few people will judge her. It's tougher with boys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of guys don't play sports and are perfectly fine. You don't need to do team sports to be a proper male.

Working with a team, sportmanship, learning to be a good winner and loser, physical fitness/being active - are all things that will take you far in life. Male or female.

True, but sports is one of many ways to achieve those goals.

What are your suggestions for achieving all of those goals?

NP. Boy Scouts.

Or orchestra, robotics, theater, choir, or other team activities combined board games, and an individual or non competitive physical activity such as swimming, dance, karate, fencing, hiking, running around at the playground, running a dog walking business, etc . . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of guys don't play sports and are perfectly fine. You don't need to do team sports to be a proper male.

Working with a team, sportmanship, learning to be a good winner and loser, physical fitness/being active - are all things that will take you far in life. Male or female.

True, but sports is one of many ways to achieve those goals.

What are your suggestions for achieving all of those goals?

NP. Boy Scouts.

Or orchestra, robotics, theater, choir, or other team activities combined board games, and an individual or non competitive physical activity such as swimming, dance, karate, fencing, hiking, running around at the playground, running a dog walking business, etc . . .

Orchestra, robotics, theater, choir and board games don't teach sportmanship and are not physical activities. Non competitive activities don't teach sportmanship or learning how to be a gracious winner/loser.

Boy scouts, eh 0- I'll give the pp that one, but this child doesn't seem motivated to be that active and its not like they go on daily hikes for exercise... so

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of guys don't play sports and are perfectly fine. You don't need to do team sports to be a proper male.

Working with a team, sportmanship, learning to be a good winner and loser, physical fitness/being active - are all things that will take you far in life. Male or female.

True, but sports is one of many ways to achieve those goals.

What are your suggestions for achieving all of those goals?

NP. Boy Scouts.

Or orchestra, robotics, theater, choir, or other team activities combined board games, and an individual or non competitive physical activity such as swimming, dance, karate, fencing, hiking, running around at the playground, running a dog walking business, etc . . .

Orchestra, robotics, theater, choir and board games don't teach sportmanship and are not physical activities. Non competitive activities don't teach sportmanship or learning how to be a gracious winner/loser.

Boy scouts, eh 0- I'll give the pp that one, but this child doesn't seem motivated to be that active and its not like they go on daily hikes for exercise... so

Which is why I said AND, between the different categories. If you want your kid to learn to be part of a team, you can put them in orchestra or choir, and play board games at home for sportsmanship. You don't need one activity that does everything, particularly given that many kids' sports don't teach any of those things particularly well. Your kid can benefit from a variety of activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son sounds a lot like yours and after talking to a professional she recommended that we pursue team sports that are more individually focused such as baseball, tennis, golf or swimming. I didn't fully appreciate it, but the chaos or soccer and basketball drive him crazy because he can't anticipate what others are going to do. Needless to say, at 8 I am convinced he is going to be an engineer like his father! He really likes baseball so we are focusing on ensuring he has the skills to succeed.

Also, I think 8 is way too young to just stop playing sports all together. In most areas kids don't start playing sports until 3rd grade.

+1

+2

Age 8 is the age when kids really compare and notice others in sports. Like anything, some are more gifted than others. But it can be a developmental issue. Please change camps, not do away with sports. You need to talk to the camp director ASAP.

I had a kid who was not good in soccer, but in 4th grade, it finally clicked. And there are so many sports to like. My bad knees and I are still getting into canoes and I'm 55.

[Anonymous]

Our boy has zero athletic ability, but he has some interest. We dropped team sports because he hated them. Swimming is the sport he does almost all year-some individual lessons, some small group. He also loves running. We run together on bog fields and he races friends a lot. I guess I should find out if there are any track teams for 8 year olds? We also informally play soccer with him and he does the same when he has playdates.

[Anonymous]

I would pick one sport he likes and only do that sport for the next year to see if he improves. Don't sign him up for any other sport? Jack of all trades, master of nine. It he isn't athletic then trying too many sports doesn't give him enough time to get better at any of them. Is he tall, then try basketball. Short them try soccer. Is he not aggressive at all? Then try baseball if he can hit a pitch (take him to the batting cages five times to see if he can start hitting and has decent bat speed. He might not hit any the first two visits but keep trying). Whatever you pick work with him to practice those skills at the park or backyard. My nephew was not athletic but was tall. My brother decided to have him only do basketball for a year. He did basketball summer camps, fall basketball skills class, winter basketball league, spring skills class, and another round of basketball summer camps. My nephew was really awful last year at 9 but I just watched him play last week and he has gotten so much better. Last year at camp the kids literally groaned out loud when he was placed on their teams. Now kids are fine and talk and interact with him. He still isn't the best but he is now an average player and can play pick up games at recess at school. There were times he got discouraged but I think he loves all the time my brother spends with him shooting hoops in the backyard.

[Anonymous]

I think it is a parents job to nudge children to explore outside of their comfort zones. Shy? Something performance oriented. Inactive? Sport. Obsessed with that one thing? Direct them towards another.

You want to raise an adult who is well rounded and comfortable in their ability to adapt and try new things.

[Anonymous]

I disagree with the PP - think a parent's job is to play to your child's strengths. And to the OP, I have two amazing boys - neither do team sports. One does only individual sports (gymnastics) and the other does chorus/theater, which is amazingly team and group oriented. It's OK (although it was hard for us when my older DS quit the neighborhood soccer team). It wasn't hard for my son (who didn't like soccer) but my neighbors couldn't believe we weren't making him do it just to stay friends with everyone. My DS is quite happy doing what he picked though.

[Anonymous]

I have an 8 yo DS who also chooses video games over sports but he does love to play outside at the playground and scoot. He also loves doing kids parkour and basic rock climbing so we allow him to engage in those as his physical activities. He's a wicked smart kid who has an engineering outlook and parkour/rock climbing fit in well with that outlook.

I echo what an earlier PP said - raise the kid you have not the one you want

[Anonymous]

Haven't read all the responses, but I would like to add my own personal experience.

I'm not a good "team player." I'm not coordinated, and not all that graceful. That said, I excelled when my parents stopped (after nearly a decade) with the f*&#ing soccer team and put me in swimming. I did really well. Then they introduced me to dance, which led me to yoga - now I own a thriving yoga studio in Southern California.

So, yes, encourage your son to do individual sports. He'll find something he likes, I'm sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Haven't read all the responses, but I would like to add my own personal experience.

I'm not a good "team player." I'm not coordinated, and not all that graceful. That said, I excelled when my parents stopped (after nearly a decade) with the f*&#ing soccer team and put me in swimming. I did really well. Then they introduced me to dance, which led me to yoga - now I own a thriving yoga studio in Southern California.

So, yes, encourage your son to do individual sports. He'll find something he likes, I'm sure.

What if someday he says.

I sucked at team sports when I was 8... Then my parents gave up on me and I did yoga and dance until I was 15.... Fucking yoga!!!!!!

Then I played rugby and crew in HS and loved it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with the PP - think a parent's job is to play to your child's strengths. And to the OP, I have two amazing boys - neither do team sports. One does only individual sports (gymnastics) and the other does chorus/theater, which is amazingly team and group oriented. It's OK (although it was hard for us when my older DS quit the neighborhood soccer team). It wasn't hard for my son (who didn't like soccer) but my neighbors couldn't believe we weren't making him do it just to stay friends with everyone. My DS is quite happy doing what he picked though.

I'll agree to disagree, while yes encouraging what your child is good at and praising this is important it is equally important to show them that putting themselves out there and trying something new isn't something to be afraid of. You should also try to steer/nudge them away from unhealthy choices, like laziness, social shyness, etc. I'm not talking about pushing them off a ledge...just some guidance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of guys don't play sports and are perfectly fine. You don't need to do team sports to be a proper male.

Working with a team, sportmanship, learning to be a good winner and loser, physical fitness/being active - are all things that will take you far in life. Male or female.

You can get the teamwork and sportsmanship skills from plenty of other activities that are not team sports: robotics, mathletes, theater, choir, ropes type courses, scouting, etc.

All of tyese non sports activities will teach the same skills and more, and help you to go far in life. Team sports are nice when a kid enjoys them but are completely unnecessary.

Physical fitness can come from many other forms than teamsports.