Fourth Date Silence

[Anonymous]

The real advice is that everyone is different. You never know what the other person is truly thinking. Creepy to call or weak to send texts. Its ridiculous. These are games/preferences of people. A women could say a guy was way to direct or not direct enough. Who knows.

Lesson is there is no set of rules to follow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey similar thing happened to me last week. I didn't sleep with this girl, but we went on 3 dates. My question is I truly did like hanging out with her. She and I went salsa dancing as well. Even though she ignored my last text can I send her one in a few days inviting her out to dance with a few of my friends. Stating that we can hang out just as friends. Not sure if that is a weird thing to do?

So, doesn't anyone actually call women anymore? Is it all by text?

No wonder no one ever has any idea what the other one is thinking.

This seems to be the case. I've had some of the under 30 set say (on here at least) it's creepy when a guy actually calls them.

That's too bad. I met DW in 1990, before cell phones and texting. When we couldn't see each other we'd spend hours on the phone in the evening just talking. Now everything is short one-sentence blurbs.

NP here. I met DH in 1994, also no cell phones or texting. We talked a lot on the phone as well. OP, you think it's over because she didn't respond to a text message within 1 day? Good grief. Just call her and ask her for a date for next week or next weekend. She is busy getting ready for her trip, etc for this coming weekend.

[Anonymous]

To OP that is definitely a blow off. If anyone is interested with the other person they will make an effort to see each other again. You asked her in person and she said she is busy all week. Didn't offer any alternates. Did not respond to your text today per you. You also said she usually responds relatively quickly to your messages. I don't understand why people are telling you to keep chasing. Am I wrong?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To OP that is definitely a blow off. If anyone is interested with the other person they will make an effort to see each other again. You asked her in person and she said she is busy all week. Didn't offer any alternates. Did not respond to your text today per you. You also said she usually responds relatively quickly to your messages. I don't understand why people are telling you to keep chasing. Am I wrong?

+1

I'm currently a woman, 30, in the dating scene. The 3rd or 4th is a fade point for some women. She likes you but either isn't attracted to you or doesn't see that you have enough in common (or both). Good luck OP, keep trying!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're not a kid anymore, then I'd take the straight-talk, say-it-like-it-is approach. In other words, be honest.

You can tell her you're really interested in seeing her again, you think you both have a good time together, but you're not sure if she's interested or maybe needs some more time to think about it? You can say that really, her feelings are none of your business unless she wants to make them your business but if she would like to go out again, she shouldn't hesitate to say so. You don't have any specific expectations on a date except to both have a good time. You're not on any particular timeline, deadline, or agenda, and you just feel lucky you found someone smart, beautiful, charming and funny who strikes your fancy.

You can also invite her to just say whatever it is she's thinking. If she's thinking that she doesn't see a date in the future, she can tell you this because you can take this news like a mature man. Yes, you'd be disappointed, but you'd wish her well and hope she finds the kind of happiness she wants and deserves.

As a grown woman, I would appreciate this kind of conversation. I would feel like I didn't have to drop hints, knowing that the adult man I canoodled can handle straight-talkin' women!

THIS. A thousand times this.

OP, I followed the advice laid out in this post and you know what? Yes, on the whole, it definitely cost me some opportunities to have sex with beautiful, interesting women. Because if I'd 'played the game' more, I could have gotten things to a sexual point before the mutual interest wasn't there anymore, and being forthright shut that off.

But you know what? I don't give a damn, because this very same approach led me to the love of my life, a woman who's every bit as enthusiastic and communicative as I am. That was in my early 20s and I'm 29 now and I have absolutely no regrets.

Be forthright. Fuck everyone who tells you to play games instead.

Bingo. All this other "subtle" (aka texting, guessing, inferring) stuff is a bunch of amateur, teenage BS. The man I married was direct and to the point, and so was I. Other men I didn't marry also tended to be direct and to the point, which was really great: I knew where we stood and didn't have to guess and wring my hands about it. All polite, so it's not like being direct means you have to be a jerk or weirdly pushy. But it does mean you kind of put yourself out there! And it does signal to the other person that you're someone who likes and can handle clear communication. I think that's an attractive quality and a sign of having your sh!t together.

[Anonymous]

I dunno, I also try to keep weeknight activities to one per week. So maybe she's not screwing with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey similar thing happened to me last week. I didn't sleep with this girl, but we went on 3 dates. My question is I truly did like hanging out with her. She and I went salsa dancing as well. Even though she ignored my last text can I send her one in a few days inviting her out to dance with a few of my friends. Stating that we can hang out just as friends. Not sure if that is a weird thing to do?

So, doesn't anyone actually call women anymore? Is it all by text?

No wonder no one ever has any idea what the other one is thinking.

This seems to be the case. I've had some of the under 30 set say (on here at least) it's creepy when a guy actually calls them.

That's too bad. I met DW in 1990, before cell phones and texting. When we couldn't see each other we'd spend hours on the phone in the evening just talking. Now everything is short one-sentence blurbs.

NP here. I met DH in 1994, also no cell phones or texting. We talked a lot on the phone as well. OP, you think it's over because she didn't respond to a text message within 1 day? Good grief. Just call her and ask her for a date for next week or next weekend. She is busy getting ready for her trip, etc for this coming weekend.

All these people commenting that didn't have to date in this century need to realize things are done differently now, I know it is strange but the judgments you have made about OP when you have no idea what it is like are obnoxious. People met online, we text because it is easier to accommodate everyone's schedule, Ghosting is a thing..sorry you can't relate but you can't help OP with your "good griefs" and "in my day back in the 90's" shit

[Anonymous]

Hey OP, for next time. If you are interested in a woman and want to see her. make sure to ask her to go out on Fridays/Saturdays. Weekdays are considered not prime time, old school I guess?
But I think you handled well, so don't worry, it was her lost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're not a kid anymore, then I'd take the straight-talk, say-it-like-it-is approach. In other words, be honest.

You can tell her you're really interested in seeing her again, you think you both have a good time together, but you're not sure if she's interested or maybe needs some more time to think about it? You can say that really, her feelings are none of your business unless she wants to make them your business but if she would like to go out again, she shouldn't hesitate to say so. You don't have any specific expectations on a date except to both have a good time. You're not on any particular timeline, deadline, or agenda, and you just feel lucky you found someone smart, beautiful, charming and funny who strikes your fancy.

You can also invite her to just say whatever it is she's thinking. If she's thinking that she doesn't see a date in the future, she can tell you this because you can take this news like a mature man. Yes, you'd be disappointed, but you'd wish her well and hope she finds the kind of happiness she wants and deserves.

As a grown woman, I would appreciate this kind of conversation. I would feel like I didn't have to drop hints, knowing that the adult man I canoodled can handle straight-talkin' women!

As a grown woman, I would hate this conversation and feel the need to back off even if I was initially interested. This feels like a therapy session to me.

+1. I'm with this pp. I'm all for straight talk, but that's just too many words.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she wanted to get laid and you did not initiate any action - you said you made out and that was it.

So she has moved on.

Many guys figure that if a woman does not put out by the third date it is time to move on. Perhaps some women have a similar expectation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP, for next time. If you are interested in a woman and want to see her. make sure to ask her to go out on Fridays/Saturdays. Weekdays are considered not prime time, old school I guess?
But I think you handled well, so don't worry, it was her lost.

Wait I only scheduled a weekday date since she has been telling me for weeks that she is going on a all girls trip for three days this weekend leaving early Saturday morning. Hence I suggested lets meet Thursday night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she wanted to get laid and you did not initiate any action - you said you made out and that was it.

So she has moved on.

Many guys figure that if a woman does not put out by the third date it is time to move on. Perhaps some women have a similar expectation.

Hahaha I've been pushing. She keeps pushing back and smirking like I have to work harder. Hence I am not too crushed if she doesn't respond. I was getting a bit tired, but I liked her so I kept going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're not a kid anymore, then I'd take the straight-talk, say-it-like-it-is approach. In other words, be honest.

You can tell her you're really interested in seeing her again, you think you both have a good time together, but you're not sure if she's interested or maybe needs some more time to think about it? You can say that really, her feelings are none of your business unless she wants to make them your business but if she would like to go out again, she shouldn't hesitate to say so. You don't have any specific expectations on a date except to both have a good time. You're not on any particular timeline, deadline, or agenda, and you just feel lucky you found someone smart, beautiful, charming and funny who strikes your fancy.

You can also invite her to just say whatever it is she's thinking. If she's thinking that she doesn't see a date in the future, she can tell you this because you can take this news like a mature man. Yes, you'd be disappointed, but you'd wish her well and hope she finds the kind of happiness she wants and deserves.

As a grown woman, I would appreciate this kind of conversation. I would feel like I didn't have to drop hints, knowing that the adult man I canoodled can handle straight-talkin' women!

As a grown woman, I would hate this conversation and feel the need to back off even if I was initially interested. This feels like a therapy session to me.

+1. I'm with this pp. I'm all for straight talk, but that's just too many words.

Agreed. Fewer words. The point is, direct, not pushy, polite, considerate.

[Anonymous]

I think you knew in your gut what the answer was before posting. We can all guess and suppose what might be happening but you know what's happening, you knew when she begged off.

There was no harm in texting once more though. Now, leave it alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey similar thing happened to me last week. I didn't sleep with this girl, but we went on 3 dates. My question is I truly did like hanging out with her. She and I went salsa dancing as well. Even though she ignored my last text can I send her one in a few days inviting her out to dance with a few of my friends. Stating that we can hang out just as friends. Not sure if that is a weird thing to do?

So, doesn't anyone actually call women anymore? Is it all by text?

No wonder no one ever has any idea what the other one is thinking.

This seems to be the case. I've had some of the under 30 set say (on here at least) it's creepy when a guy actually calls them.

That's too bad. I met DW in 1990, before cell phones and texting. When we couldn't see each other we'd spend hours on the phone in the evening just talking. Now everything is short one-sentence blurbs.

NP here. I met DH in 1994, also no cell phones or texting. We talked a lot on the phone as well. OP, you think it's over because she didn't respond to a text message within 1 day? Good grief. Just call her and ask her for a date for next week or next weekend. She is busy getting ready for her trip, etc for this coming weekend.

All these people commenting that didn't have to date in this century need to realize things are done differently now, I know it is strange but the judgments you have made about OP when you have no idea what it is like are obnoxious. People met online, we text because it is easier to accommodate everyone's schedule, Ghosting is a thing..sorry you can't relate but you can't help OP with your "good griefs" and "in my day back in the 90's" shit

You're wrong. Recently married. My husband is a successful business man and he picked up the phone to ask me out. Why? He is a real man.