Who are all these people getting divorced?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know it happens and I've heard the statistics but I literally don't know one couple who is divorced in my large circle of acquaintances. I know of a few distant relatives, but none in our education/socioeconomic level. Has anyone else had this experience? Do all the divorces just happen later in life?

Maybe your circle is part of the group that pretends all is perky in lalaland, the ones that post pure joy on FB. I'm in McLean and know at least four couples divorcing in DS class.

OP again. People do act like everything is wonderful. But even if its an act, people are NOT getting divorced....yet. I just find the statistic interesting. If the rate around me is 5%, what must it be elsewhere to level out at 50% nationwide!!!

Several of my friends fathers have been married and divorced two or three times... So that helps boost the 50% stat. So it's not 5/10 people...it's 5/10 marriages. Get two of these men in a group and that's 6 divorces between them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know it happens and I've heard the statistics but I literally don't know one couple who is divorced in my large circle of acquaintances. I know of a few distant relatives, but none in our education/socioeconomic level. Has anyone else had this experience? Do all the divorces just happen later in life?

Maybe your circle is part of the group that pretends all is perky in lalaland, the ones that post pure joy on FB. I'm in McLean and know at least four couples divorcing in DS class.

OP again. People do act like everything is wonderful. But even if its an act, people are NOT getting divorced....yet. I just find the statistic interesting. If the rate around me is 5%, what must it be elsewhere to level out at 50% nationwide!!!

I would also consider that a few of your acquaintances may have had starter marriages that are not brought up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know it happens and I've heard the statistics but I literally don't know one couple who is divorced in my large circle of acquaintances. I know of a few distant relatives, but none in our education/socioeconomic level. Has anyone else had this experience? Do all the divorces just happen later in life?

Maybe your circle is part of the group that pretends all is perky in lalaland, the ones that post pure joy on FB. I'm in McLean and know at least four couples divorcing in DS class.

OP again. People do act like everything is wonderful. But even if its an act, people are NOT getting divorced....yet. I just find the statistic interesting. If the rate around me is 5%, what must it be elsewhere to level out at 50% nationwide!!!

Several of my friends fathers have been married and divorced two or three times... So that helps boost the 50% stat. So it's not 5/10 people...it's 5/10 marriages. Get two of these men in a group and that's 6 divorces between them.

My dad and stepdad are both on marriage #3, as are 2 of my aunts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know it happens and I've heard the statistics but I literally don't know one couple who is divorced in my large circle of acquaintances. I know of a few distant relatives, but none in our education/socioeconomic level. Has anyone else had this experience? Do all the divorces just happen later in life?

Maybe your circle is part of the group that pretends all is perky in lalaland, the ones that post pure joy on FB. I'm in McLean and know at least four couples divorcing in DS class.

OP again. People do act like everything is wonderful. But even if its an act, people are NOT getting divorced....yet. I just find the statistic interesting. If the rate around me is 5%, what must it be elsewhere to level out at 50% nationwide!!!

Several of my friends fathers have been married and divorced two or three times... So that helps boost the 50% stat. So it's not 5/10 people...it's 5/10 marriages. Get two of these men in a group and that's 6 divorces between them.

True. I'm one with no divorced friends, but have a couple of divorced co-workers. Both twice divorced, one now single and one on his third marriage. I'll not be shocked in the least if that guy ends up divorced again.

So just with these two there are 4 out of 5 failed marriages, and probably 5 of 5 before they're done.

[Anonymous]

I am in my mid 30's and the majority of the people in my circle are Mid 30's to Mid 40's. We all are educated with advanced degrees and are middle to upper class. Although no one in our circle is divorced yet, more than half of the couples are living in miserable marriages. It only has to be a matter of time before someone is the first to make the plunge. When we all get together the women all complain about the husbands and the husbands all complain about the wives (according to my DH). Many of the marriages are sexless an emotionally lonely. I honestly only know of one happily married couple in the group! I think many of them don't see anyway out of it, financially or because kids are involved. The situations I hear about really do make me very sad, as we all are fairly young to be living such miserable lives. It is really amazing to me how much my view of marriage has changed the older I have gotten and the more I see. The bottom line is that just because you are not seeing the divorces happening in your group, does not mean these couples don't dream about divorcing daily!

[Anonymous]

divorce rate is not 50%. folks still spewing that lie


http://www.nytimes.com/2014/12/02/upshot/the-divorce-surge-is-over-but-the-myth-lives-on.html?_r=0&abt=0002&abg=0

[Anonymous]

Lots of people stay together for the kids, so expect some marriages to end once the kids are older or off to college. Mid-life crises will claim a few marriages when you all get into your 40s. But in general, people who married later in life and have more education tend to get divorced a lot less often. They seem to skip over the starter marriage problem you see when you get married in your 20s.

[Anonymous]

You know how when some people get married and you think to yourself, "this will never last" because the people or the relationship are dysfunctional? Yeah, most of those marriages in my circle are still going. And the ones who have divorced have actually surprised me - they were couples who seemed sane and rock-solid. But often, something happens that throws one person for a loop (often the death or illness of a parent, extended job loss, etc.), they spin out and the marriage fails.

I've also seen a few couples who were together for ages (7-8 years) get married and then divorce a year later. I figure these are people who probably should have broken up at some point, but inertia kept them together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People with graduate degrees who get married for the first time after the age of thirty only have a fifteen percent chance of getting divorced.

Guess I can chill about worrying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my circle, one friend has divorced. Marriage was definitely a mistake for them because they were divorced less than a year after they were married. I have another friend who had an affair, moved out but now has reconciled with her husband so they are still together for now. Both couples were childless.

Most of my married friends have kids between the ages of 3-10. None of my close friends with kids have divorced.

Her DH is a pathetic wuss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am in my mid 30's and the majority of the people in my circle are Mid 30's to Mid 40's. We all are educated with advanced degrees and are middle to upper class. Although no one in our circle is divorced yet, more than half of the couples are living in miserable marriages. It only has to be a matter of time before someone is the first to make the plunge. When we all get together the women all complain about the husbands and the husbands all complain about the wives (according to my DH). Many of the marriages are sexless an emotionally lonely. I honestly only know of one happily married couple in the group! I think many of them don't see anyway out of it, financially or because kids are involved. The situations I hear about really do make me very sad, as we all are fairly young to be living such miserable lives. It is really amazing to me how much my view of marriage has changed the older I have gotten and the more I see. The bottom line is that just because you are not seeing the divorces happening in your group, does not mean these couples don't dream about divorcing daily!

This sounds like a good plot for a Lifetime movie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 40, DH is 45, grad degrees, most friends married late-ish. None of the e.g. 20-25 couples we know fairly well have divorced. I think this is not atypical for this type of cohort. A couple acquaintances/friends-of-friends have got divorced but I (obviously given the nature of the "relationship") do not know the details.

Same here among my circle of friends and my kids' friends. I only know a couple people who divorced and in all cases the DH was cheating (or so I was told).

My family, however, has more divorces -- brother divorced after a stupid marriage when he was 20. Sister divorced in her 40s when she learned her DH was gay. Counting up among my siblings and 1st cousins, among the 14 of us who've married, there are 6 divorces so that's close to the 50%. Most of those divorces were people who married in their early 20s. My sister is the only one who married in her 30s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People with graduate degrees who get married for the first time after the age of thirty only have a fifteen percent chance of getting divorced.

Hmmm, interesting.
This might be why our circle is (so far) divorce free.

I wish I would have known this before I got married.

[Anonymous]

I'm 43, married for 16 years, and on the verge of divorce. It's too complicated to imagine juggling the logistics of kids all by myself and figuring out how to live solo to really seriously consider taking such a drastic step right now. Not at all happy with marriage. Dialing it in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, the 50% divorce rate includes all marriages. The rate for first marriages is lower, because the rates for second, third, etc. marriages is sky high.

The 50% divorce rate is a complete myth.

The actual rate of divorce is under 30% and falling.