Who are all these people getting divorced?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know it happens and I've heard the statistics but I literally don't know one couple who is divorced in my large circle of acquaintances. I know of a few distant relatives, but none in our education/socioeconomic level. Has anyone else had this experience? Do all the divorces just happen later in life?

Maybe your circle is part of the group that pretends all is perky in lalaland, the ones that post pure joy on FB. I'm in McLean and know at least four couples divorcing in DS class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mid-30s wife here with a mid-40s husband.

I'd say that 25-30% of my mid-30s circle of friends have divorced; most married in their early 20s. One or two were quickies (met, engaged, married in 6-9 months, no baby) and probably did not know each other too well.

About 50-60% of our friends in my husband's mid-40s age range are divorced, including him. Went to three weddings this year that were first time marriages for 30s girls and second time for their 30s-40s husbands; looking at my ten closest girlfriends, all in their 30s and 40s, about half are second wives.

Do you live in Loudoun County?

[Anonymous]

I have 3 couple friends currently divorcing. All late 30s early 40s, well educated, nice people. It happens.

[Anonymous]

I'm 49. Only have one close friend who divorced among probably 10-15 close friends from college/grad school. One was divorced from an early marriage. Another married someone who was divorced.

A lot of people I work with are divorced however. Workaholics.

[Anonymous]

In my circle, one friend has divorced. Marriage was definitely a mistake for them because they were divorced less than a year after they were married. I have another friend who had an affair, moved out but now has reconciled with her husband so they are still together for now. Both couples were childless.

Most of my married friends have kids between the ages of 3-10. None of my close friends with kids have divorced.

[Anonymous]

Several immediately-after-college-graduation weddings didn't last two years. now in my mid 40s there are indeed a surprisingly high number of friends who've told me that they had a brief, childless first marriage,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When your kids are in high school or college lots divorce. The men that are the most financially successful are often the first ones to divorce and/or cheat.

I don't think this is correct. Most likely to divorce are those who have already been divorced and those you marry young prior to obtaining a college degree. In my circle of people who are financially successful (and well educated) there are very few divorces. Divorce destroys wealth; there is a lot of incentive to stay married if you are doing well.

My best friend's parents split up senior year of HS. My parents split shortly after my brother started college (I was living at home going to community college). In both cases, it was after 20 years plus of marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People with graduate degrees who get married for the first time after the age of thirty only have a fifteen percent chance of getting divorced.

That is still a significant number! That about matches what I see in my classmates from grad school that I keep up with (I'm now 50): about 1 in 5 couples I think of divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, my circle is mid to upper 30's, with kids late preschool and elementary. Maybe 60% have graduate degrees, UMC.

My experience is the first wave of divorces are when the kids are in grade school...

Yes. Then again when kids leave for college

I think a PP was onto something about there being popular divorce milestones. I knew a few people that waited until kids were heading to kindergaten before filing for financial/logistical reasons. Paying childcare for two kids under five is pretty expensive in this area. Surprisingly none of my Dh's guy friends have divorced and all are on their first marriage. A lot more divorces or never been married among my friends.

[Anonymous]

I have two friends who were divorced before I met them--one married right after college (too young) and the other one was married to an alcoholic.

Otherwise, it's just my brother, who divorced at 51 after 20 yrs of marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People with graduate degrees who get married for the first time after the age of thirty only have a fifteen percent chance of getting divorced.

I couldn't find the data to support this assertion of 15%. Do you have a source? The Bureau of Labor Statistics doesn't quantify using these categories at this time.

http://www.bls.gov/opub/mlr/2013/article/marriage-and-divorce-patterns-by-gender-race-and-educational-attainment.htm

[Anonymous]

The only person in my close circle who is divorced is my brother who is a MD after 15 yrs of marriage. He's the only one I know who got married, eloped in their case, in their twenties. I can't think of one other person who got married in their twenties except him.

He left his wife for a blond, S. CA, yoga instructor. That relationship did not last either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know it happens and I've heard the statistics but I literally don't know one couple who is divorced in my large circle of acquaintances. I know of a few distant relatives, but none in our education/socioeconomic level. Has anyone else had this experience? Do all the divorces just happen later in life?

Maybe your circle is part of the group that pretends all is perky in lalaland, the ones that post pure joy on FB. I'm in McLean and know at least four couples divorcing in DS class.

OP again. People do act like everything is wonderful. But even if its an act, people are NOT getting divorced....yet. I just find the statistic interesting. If the rate around me is 5%, what must it be elsewhere to level out at 50% nationwide!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know it happens and I've heard the statistics but I literally don't know one couple who is divorced in my large circle of acquaintances. I know of a few distant relatives, but none in our education/socioeconomic level. Has anyone else had this experience? Do all the divorces just happen later in life?

Maybe your circle is part of the group that pretends all is perky in lalaland, the ones that post pure joy on FB. I'm in McLean and know at least four couples divorcing in DS class.

Or maybe they're simply mature adults who realize that real like isn't going to be a "perky la la land" all the time and subsequently don't race off to divorce court every time someone leaves a sock on the floor. Marriage is hard for everyone at times. Some people work at it, and some people simply bail when things seem difficult. My crowd (I'm not the PP you quoted) is another with zero divorces. It's not la la land.

[Anonymous]

I am 40, DH is 45, grad degrees, most friends married late-ish. None of the e.g. 20-25 couples we know fairly well have divorced. I think this is not atypical for this type of cohort. A couple acquaintances/friends-of-friends have got divorced but I (obviously given the nature of the "relationship") do not know the details.