Who are all these people getting divorced?

[Anonymous]

Mid-30s wife here with a mid-40s husband.

I'd say that 25-30% of my mid-30s circle of friends have divorced; most married in their early 20s. One or two were quickies (met, engaged, married in 6-9 months, no baby) and probably did not know each other too well.

About 50-60% of our friends in my husband's mid-40s age range are divorced, including him. Went to three weddings this year that were first time marriages for 30s girls and second time for their 30s-40s husbands; looking at my ten closest girlfriends, all in their 30s and 40s, about half are second wives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People with graduate degrees who get married for the first time after the age of thirty only have a fifteen percent chance of getting divorced.

But they dream about it constantly

[Anonymous]

I don't know that many, either. I know almost as many who have been widowed at a young age, which you would think is pretty rare.

My DH is a biglaw partner. We are now just hitting 50, and I have noticed a pattern among his partners. When he started as an associate, the partners were almost all on their second wives. DH and his peers are now the ages of those partners, but only one of them has gotten divorced. The rest have very accomplished wives or husbands in their own rights (graduate degrees and successful careers), and these are really marriages between equals.

[Anonymous]

I think it isn't as common because women will lose a lot of their enviable lifestyle. They will be the ones who post in the money forum that they just want live on $250K when they are used to living on much more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, the 50% divorce rate includes all marriages. The rate for first marriages is lower, because the rates for second, third, etc. marriages is sky high.

I wish someone said this every time the 50 percent stat is trotted out.

[Anonymous]

It depends on the circle of friends. Of my bridesmaids, all 4 are divorced. But at my last job, out of about 50 people I worked with in my department over the course of almost 20 years, only 4 were divorced. And for 3 of them it was the other party that wanted the divorce. This department was a quality control group whose job it was to enforce standards across the company.

[Anonymous]

Of my circle of close friends, and my wife's circle of close friends...the people we've know for years and years...zero divorces. I'm including about 15 couples total. These are people who married (generally) around 26-32 and are now early 50's.

I have a few co-workers and acquaintances who are divorced and knowing some of them (or their spouses) I can see why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, my circle is mid to upper 30's, with kids late preschool and elementary. Maybe 60% have graduate degrees, UMC.

My experience is the first wave of divorces are when the kids are in grade school...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When your kids are in high school or college lots divorce. The men that are the most financially successful are often the first ones to divorce and/or cheat.

I don't think this is correct. Most likely to divorce are those who have already been divorced and those you marry young prior to obtaining a college degree. In my circle of people who are financially successful (and well educated) there are very few divorces. Divorce destroys wealth; there is a lot of incentive to stay married if you are doing well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, my circle is mid to upper 30's, with kids late preschool and elementary. Maybe 60% have graduate degrees, UMC.

My experience is the first wave of divorces are when the kids are in grade school...

Yes. Then again when kids leave for college

[Anonymous]

"People with graduate degrees who get married for the first time after the age of thirty only have a fifteen percent chance of getting divorced.

But they dream about it constantly."

+1. I have two girlfriends right now who are essentially living separate lives from their husbands - no sex, one not sleeping in the same bed, reserving the right to sleep with other men, traveling with family or friends rather than their husbands. A third can't afford to get divorce and is waiting to get a new job.

[Anonymous]

When the kids head to college lots of divorces.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's what I thought, too: none of my friends have divorced. Then my sister announced that she was leaving her (awesome) husband of 20 years. She's 40. She doesn't match the poorly educated stereotype but yeah, clearly she was young. I think getting married at 20 is not advisable.

Most of my friends married in their mid-30s. I guess by then you know what you want.

I am not so sure that it's necessarily a bad thing. Getting married at 20 means that kids are done with college by 45. Parents are still relatively young and attractive and have enough productive years ahead of them but have completed their key obligations. It's different from a couple marrying at 30 and having kids by mid- 30s. By time first kid is 25, the younger parent is already 60. Sure can divorce at 60 and many people do, but retirement is close and more health issues. So think the empty nest and end of responsibilities age makes more of difference than starting age.

[Anonymous]

A bunch of couples from our local elementary are in various stages of separation/divorce. Most are in their late 30s/early 40s. All have advanced degrees, great jobs, nice homes. Some involved cheating, and at least one involved abuse.

[Anonymous]

Most people do not announce their divorce on Facebook. On Facebook it's weddings, births of babies, vacations etc. Amazed how many of my kids parents and work contacts I see on the dating sites. Would never have known if didn't see it there.