I'm sick with a chest infection and DH told me that "I'm not living up to my obligations"

[Anonymous]

taking the ridiculous money/chores out of the equation:

what kind of person makes demands--rather than helps and cares for--his sick partner?

he is showing you who he is--and whatever rationalization you might be using to try to explain this away, it really can't be excused or ignored.

I would start seeing a therapist and double up on birth control and figure out whether this man is worth sticking around for.

and yes, having kids magnifies these things a million times. I can already see you staying up all night with the sick kids and your husband demanding why you didn't cook him a hot breakfast....because that is part of your 'obligation.'

also, you should not be "OK" with doing all the cooking, shopping and cleaning. If he makes more $, he should use some of it to outsource. It sets up a very, very bad dynamic, unless you are willing to be a SAHM with no say.

[Anonymous]

Let go of the brainwashing that told you you have to do everything and be a martyr. You work full time? Your partner should split the household responsibilities equally with you. You're sick? Take a sick day, if you have it. I know not everyone is allowed sick days, sadly. But your partner should at least step up and do things so you can rest while you're home.

You married a selfish, entitled, sexist, lazy user who doesn't respect you. What are you going to do about it? There is no reward in this life for being a martyr. Don't allow people to treat you badly. Maybe he can see the light. If not, you need to find a solution.

[Anonymous]

My husband pays 100% of the bills and he never treated me like that. Matter of fact, not only does he cook his own meals when I'm sick, he cooks for the week and grocery shops too. We have no kids either.

Your husband is being a dick. Your obligation is to rest and get better because if you don't, that bronchitis could easily turn into pneumonia and land you in the hospital. Is that what he wants ?

[Anonymous]

OP: My husband makes 2.5 times what I make but the point is, it is irrelevant when you are a family. I was sick with bronchitis last 2 weeks (this thing has been making a lot of folks sick), I continued to work on days I felt better but my husband either cooked dinner or made plans for a takeout and we have 2 small kids. My husband is generally nice but can have his episodes but even he knew that after work I did not have it in me to do anything at home. Your husband's behavior is unacceptable, if there is no genuine care for each other, then marriage is a sham. I am sorry I couldn't find something encouraging to say, I do hope you feel better soon. Hugs!

[Anonymous]

OP, did you go to the doctor?

[Anonymous]

Print out this picture and leave in on the counter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have to add, I'm usually not this dramatic, but I really, really don't feel well.

You're not being dramatic. You're feeling really unwell. What an asshole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's a dick. Stop catering to him. How does he live up to his obligations?

He pays about 70% of the bills. I pay the rest and do all the cleaning, cooking and shopping. This was our agreement and I am 100% fine with it (when I'm healthy). No kids.

All? And you work full time?

DTMFA.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm really sorry to read this and hope you're feeling better. I can't even begin to express the number of red flags in your posts. I would seriously reconsider this relationship as it stands now. He's showing you his true colors, as others have noted, but also shouting from the rooftops how little (if at all) he respects you. When the respect is gone, it's gone. You have a major problem on your hands here. I wouldn't ignore this and hope it gets better, it won't. And I echo what others are saying - of all thing holy, do not have children with this man.

[Anonymous]

OP, you need a week on prednisone (at least 40 mg a day). Get thee to a doctor.

[Anonymous]

Run, OP. Do not have kids with him.

[Anonymous]

How long have you been married?
How long did you date prior to marriage?
Is the the first time he's revealed himself like this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's a dick. Stop catering to him. How does he live up to his obligations?

He pays about 70% of the bills. I pay the rest and do all the cleaning, cooking and shopping. This was our agreement and I am 100% fine with it (when I'm healthy). No kids.

All? And you work full time?

DTMFA.

No decent DH would be "fine" with that arrangement. What decent man is okay watching his partner run herself into the ground? He has serious control issues. Something is wrong with him, he is being extra controlling because you have the audacity to slightly slow down when you are sick.

[Anonymous]

You need to see him for what he is - good or bad. I had the same man. He actually yelled at me in the hospital after having a C-Section holding our new baby that he was leaving and going home (9pm after a 1pm birth). He said the hospital room was only designed for the mom and not made for him - so he stormed out. Get ready for a jealous man when your kids are born. He never changed and it took me another 5 years to see what was clearly in front of me. Divorcing now.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I've been there too. I thought he'd get it, grow up, see that I was doing everything and he needed to pitch in. He had grown up in a culture where women do everything and take all blame, and he acted like a visiting emperor at home. So there I was, with three kids, a job, totally doing all childcare and household stuff, and he would throw trash on the floor rather than take out the full trash can, and throw tantrums about everything and whine that I didn't give him enough attention. You know that's where you're headed, and you need to stop that train now before it goes any farther. It gets horribly hard when kids enter the picture.