What Men Think About Older Women

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I spent about a year dating almost exclusively women older than myself. What follows are my observations from that time in my life. For the purpose of this post, by "older women" I do not mean old women or women of any certain age or age range; I mainly mean women who are older than the man in question.

Older women are easier to have sex with.
Older women are more confident and comfortable around men - especially younger men, since they know that their experience cancels out some of his natural power over her. This translates into sexual openness. Some men know that older women are easier to nail, which is often why they pursue them. Older women should be cynical about younger men who claim they want to date seriously, or remain silent about commitment.

Older women are not as physically attractive as younger women.
This is obvious. Women peak somewhere in their twenties for external attractiveness. All honest men acknowledge this, as do most women. In general, men disagree about the age at which women "peak" - partially because it varies depending on the woman and partially because guys have different taste. But I think it also has to do with the difficulty that a men have distinguishing between external and internal attractiveness; often the latter is confused for the former.

Older women are still pretty hot. A woman's attractiveness doesn't take a swan dive after 30. It tapers out slowly and often quite gracefully - far more slowly than it arises in a girl's late teens. The rate of the decline is obviously affected by her genetics and lifestyle, but it is also largely a function of how willing she is to accept that decline gracefully. I think the women who become ugliest due to age are the ones that recognize they are getting older, wrongly assume that they are no longer beautiful, and therefore stop their gym membership, cut their hair short and give up. Some women go instead to the opposite extreme, getting plastic surgery or increasing their make up until they over-compensate. Neither of these is the appropriate or confident response to the onset of aging (in the same way that wearing a toupee is a poor response to the onset of male baldness, for example). An acceptance of reality is the best response, and the reality is not nearly as bad as so many women believe. Although most men of course prefer the looks or bodies of women in their twenties, we would still love to fuck those same women well into their forties - assuming they take care of themselves.

Guys interested in long term relationships will not consider older women seriously.
On a few occasions I was dating women who were older by six to ten years, and really enjoyed their beauty and company. However, when it came time to cut it off or have a relationship, I cut it off. Reconsidering my motivations for those decisions now, I recognize one that dominated the others: despite my attraction for those women at the time, I didn't want to look around myself ten years later and see a hotter, younger girl - closer to my own age - and think "I could have been with a girl like that instead." When my wife starts aging, I want the other girls I could have had (i.e. those in my age-range) to be aging with her, so that I won't be constantly reminded of the sacrifice I made to be with her - even if it was one I know was worth it. The grass is already always greener on the other side, and a man doesn't need an age disparity contributing to that effect when his woman starts losing her initial shine.

Older women are more internally attractive than younger women.
Older women have miles more personality than younger women. Since the time when I dated older women (a couple years ago now), I've found one, maybe two girls younger than me that I was attracted to and able to connect with - out of all the women I've encountered or even dated. Older women are simply more interesting to be around. This is because of the natural accumulation of experiences over time. Older women are more confident than younger women, because they know themselves and the world better. Their words carry more weight because they have experienced what they are talking about. They are comfortable in their own skin. They are relaxed in social settings. Perhaps most importantly, they are not afraid of men, so their inhibitions in a man's presence are less severe. All of this allows for an openness that makes a date or casual interaction much more enjoyable.

Some of the PP sound defensive and jealous. I thought the OP wrote his opinions in a balanced and fair way. To me, he was very complimentary to older women. After thinking carefully about what he wrote, I agree with most of it.

1+ I prefer older women in general, but what the OP wrote is mostly true. There are plenty examples of older women/younger men, and the OP was not disagreeing with that. In fact, he spent a lot of time with them. I do not think that people are actually reading what he wrote.

[Anonymous]

It appears that our personal opinions are now up for fascinating conversation. I'll go ahead and throw mine in... My favorite color is green. Let's debate about it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It appears that our personal opinions are now up for fascinating conversation. I'll go ahead and throw mine in... My favorite color is green. Let's debate about it!

My favorite color is blue. I was hoping to make a post detailing the varying reasons why no ones favorite color could possibly be red, because I personally have carefully studied red and determined it to be inferior. Those who are red enthusiasts should be wary of anyone who claims to have red as their favorite color, as anyone can objectively tell that blue is better. These are all facts, btw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I spent about a year dating almost exclusively women older than myself. What follows are my observations from that time in my life. For the purpose of this post, by "older women" I do not mean old women or women of any certain age or age range; I mainly mean women who are older than the man in question.

Older women are easier to have sex with.
Older women are more confident and comfortable around men - especially younger men, since they know that their experience cancels out some of his natural power over her. This translates into sexual openness. Some men know that older women are easier to nail, which is often why they pursue them. Older women should be cynical about younger men who claim they want to date seriously, or remain silent about commitment.

Older women are not as physically attractive as younger women.
This is obvious. Women peak somewhere in their twenties for external attractiveness. All honest men acknowledge this, as do most women. In general, men disagree about the age at which women "peak" - partially because it varies depending on the woman and partially because guys have different taste. But I think it also has to do with the difficulty that a men have distinguishing between external and internal attractiveness; often the latter is confused for the former.

Older women are still pretty hot. A woman's attractiveness doesn't take a swan dive after 30. It tapers out slowly and often quite gracefully - far more slowly than it arises in a girl's late teens. The rate of the decline is obviously affected by her genetics and lifestyle, but it is also largely a function of how willing she is to accept that decline gracefully. I think the women who become ugliest due to age are the ones that recognize they are getting older, wrongly assume that they are no longer beautiful, and therefore stop their gym membership, cut their hair short and give up. Some women go instead to the opposite extreme, getting plastic surgery or increasing their make up until they over-compensate. Neither of these is the appropriate or confident response to the onset of aging (in the same way that wearing a toupee is a poor response to the onset of male baldness, for example). An acceptance of reality is the best response, and the reality is not nearly as bad as so many women believe. Although most men of course prefer the looks or bodies of women in their twenties, we would still love to fuck those same women well into their forties - assuming they take care of themselves.

Guys interested in long term relationships will not consider older women seriously.
On a few occasions I was dating women who were older by six to ten years, and really enjoyed their beauty and company. However, when it came time to cut it off or have a relationship, I cut it off. Reconsidering my motivations for those decisions now, I recognize one that dominated the others: despite my attraction for those women at the time, I didn't want to look around myself ten years later and see a hotter, younger girl - closer to my own age - and think "I could have been with a girl like that instead." When my wife starts aging, I want the other girls I could have had (i.e. those in my age-range) to be aging with her, so that I won't be constantly reminded of the sacrifice I made to be with her - even if it was one I know was worth it. The grass is already always greener on the other side, and a man doesn't need an age disparity contributing to that effect when his woman starts losing her initial shine.

Older women are more internally attractive than younger women.
Older women have miles more personality than younger women. Since the time when I dated older women (a couple years ago now), I've found one, maybe two girls younger than me that I was attracted to and able to connect with - out of all the women I've encountered or even dated. Older women are simply more interesting to be around. This is because of the natural accumulation of experiences over time. Older women are more confident than younger women, because they know themselves and the world better. Their words carry more weight because they have experienced what they are talking about. They are comfortable in their own skin. They are relaxed in social settings. Perhaps most importantly, they are not afraid of men, so their inhibitions in a man's presence are less severe. All of this allows for an openness that makes a date or casual interaction much more enjoyable.

As a man who is in his early 40s and who dated women in their 40s when I was in my 20s and early 30s, I agree with the post entirely. I hope older women read this and see the positives; older women have a command of their sexuality that younger women generally don't. Also, the advice about looking appropriate for their age is spot on. The plastic surgery of the Real Housewives set is gross. Shoving a 40 year old body into a mini skirt that a 20 year old would wear to a club looks weird (not trying to be sexist, I am sure a 40 year old man in an Affliction shirt looks like an idiot too). The natural beauty of an older woman who takes care of herself is tremendous. Own it, rock it.

I can also tell you that I cared a lot about the older women I was having sex with in my 20s. I never once considered any of them as long term potential. But the sex was epic. Every man in his 20s should enjoy the magic of a sexually confident older woman.

[Anonymous]

I actually agree with most of what OP wrote except he should have added that it was unlikely that older women he dated considered him as a long-term prospect either. My girlfriends who are on the older side are quite open that their younger boyfriends are there for entertainment, not serious relationships. As one of the Maugham characters said (an older woman who divorced her younger husband to marry an age-appropriate man), "the youth have no conversation."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually agree with most of what OP wrote except he should have added that it was unlikely that older women he dated considered him as a long-term prospect either. My girlfriends who are on the older side are quite open that their younger boyfriends are there for entertainment, not serious relationships. As one of the Maugham characters said (an older woman who divorced her younger husband to marry an age-appropriate man), "the youth have no conversation."

Agreed. This has been my experience as well.

[Anonymous]

One day I received an urgent message from her and fortunately went to see her at once. When I was shown into the room Mrs. Tower rose from her chair and came towards me with the stealthy swiftness of a leopard stalking his prey. I saw that she was excited.

"Jane (OLDER WOMAN) and Gilbert (HUSBAND 27 YEARS HER JUNIOR) have separated," she said.

"Not really? Well, you were right after all."

Mrs. Tower looked at me with an expression I could not understand.

"Poor Jane," I muttered.

"Poor Jane!" she repeated, but in tones of such derision that I was dumbfounded.

She found some difficulty in telling me exactly what had occurred.

Gilbert had left her a moment before she leaped to the telephone to summon me. When he entered the room, pale and distraught, she saw at once that something terrible had happened. She knew what he was going to say before he said it.

"Marion, Jane has left me."

She gave him a little smile and took his hand.

"I knew you`d behave like a gentleman. It would have been dreadful for her for people to think that you had left her."

"I`ve come to you because I knew I could count on your sympathy."

"Oh, I don`t blame you, Gilbert," said Mrs. Tower, very kindly. "It was bound to happen."

He sighed.

"I suppose so. I couldn`t hope to keep her always. She was too wonderful and I`m a perfectly commonplace fellow."

Mrs. Tower patted his hand. He was really behaving beautifully.

"And what is going to happen now?"

"Well, she`s going to divorce me."

"Jane always said she`d put no obstacle in your way if ever you wanted to marry a girl."

"You don`t think it`s likely I should ever be willing to marry anyone else after being Jane`s husband," he answered.

Mrs. Tower was puzzled.

"Of course you mean that you`ve left Jane."

"I? That`s the last thing I should ever do."

"Then why is she divorcing you?"

"She`s going to marry Sir Reginald Frobisher as soon as the decree is made absolute."

Mrs. Tower positively screamed. Then she felt so faint that she had to get her smelling salts.

"After all you`ve done for her?"

"I`ve done nothing for her."

"Do you mean to say you`re going to allow yourself to be made use of like that?"

"We arranged before we married that if either of us wanted his liberty the other should put no hindrance in the way."

"But that was done on your account. Because you were twenty-seven years younger than she was."

"Well, it`s come in very useful for her," he answered bitterly.

Mrs. Tower expostulated, argued, and reasoned; but Gilbert insisted that no rules applied to Jane, and he must do exactly what she wanted. He left Mrs. Tower prostrate. It relieved her a good deal to give me a full account of this interview. It pleased her to see that I was as surprised as herself, and if I was not so indignant with Jane as she was she ascribed that to the criminal lack of morality incident to my sex. She was still in a state of extreme agitation when the door was opened and the butler showed in - Jane herself. She was dressed in black and white as no doubt befitted her slightly ambiguous position, but in a dress so original and fantastic, in a hat so striking, that I positively gasped at the sight of her. But she was as ever bland and collected. She came forward to kiss Mrs. Tower, but Mrs. Tower withdrew herself with icy dignity.

"Gilbert has been here," she said.

"Yes, I know," smiled Jane. "I told him to come and see you. I`m going to Paris to-night and I want you to be very kind to him while I am away. I`m afraid just at first he`ll be rather lonely and I shall feel more comfortable if I can count on your keeping an eye on him."

Mrs. Tower clasped her hands.

"Gilbert has just told me something that I can hardly bring myself to believe. He tells me that you`re going to divorce him to marry Reginald Frobisher."

"Don`t you remember, before I married Gilbert." said you advised me to marry a man of my own age. The admiral is fifty-three."

"But, Jane, you owe everything to Gilbert," said Mrs. Tower indignantly. "You wouldn`t exist without him. Without him to design your clothes, you`ll be nothing."

"Oh, he`s promised to go on designing my clothes," Jane answered blandly.

"No woman could want a better husband. He`s always been kindness itself to you."

"Oh, I know he`s been sweet."

"How can you be so heartless?"

"But I was never in love with Gilbert," said Jane. "I always told him that. I`m beginning to feel the need of the companionship of a man of my own age. I think I`ve probably been married to Gilbert long enough. The young have no conversation."

[Anonymous]

^this is awesome

[Anonymous]

I'm sad to learn that a woman's attractiveness tapers out after 30. I thought I peaked at 31 and 32 but maybe I'm wrong?

[Anonymous]

OP, you did not write this to extol the virtues of an older woman. You wrote it to sound the dog whistle of other male posters to tell women, with deep and heartfelt regret, that women are not as physically attractive and, more crucially, not viable or feasible as long-term relationship prospects past first youth unless they are exactly your age, have excellent luck in terms of health and look on some level significantly younger than the expectations of their calendar age.

Live it, learn it, love it - own up to it. Somerset Maugham ain't got no time for this bullshit. What OP put down was not complimentary nor designed to be. It was designed to set off a flicker of insecurity in a bunch of moms in D.C. likely to count as 'older' (than 30) women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you did not write this to extol the virtues of an older woman. You wrote it to sound the dog whistle of other male posters to tell women, with deep and heartfelt regret, that women are not as physically attractive and, more crucially, not viable or feasible as long-term relationship prospects past first youth unless they are exactly your age, have excellent luck in terms of health and look on some level significantly younger than the expectations of their calendar age.

Live it, learn it, love it - own up to it. Somerset Maugham ain't got no time for this bullshit. What OP put down was not complimentary nor designed to be. It was designed to set off a flicker of insecurity in a bunch of moms in D.C. likely to count as 'older' (than 30) women.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you did not write this to extol the virtues of an older woman. You wrote it to sound the dog whistle of other male posters to tell women, with deep and heartfelt regret, that women are not as physically attractive and, more crucially, not viable or feasible as long-term relationship prospects past first youth unless they are exactly your age, have excellent luck in terms of health and look on some level significantly younger than the expectations of their calendar age.

Live it, learn it, love it - own up to it. Somerset Maugham ain't got no time for this bullshit. What OP put down was not complimentary nor designed to be. It was designed to set off a flicker of insecurity in a bunch of moms in D.C. likely to count as 'older' (than 30) women.

+1

Exactly. It's absurdly transparent.

And given the abundance of real world evidence to the contrary, i.e. plenty of successful, hot men, who choose to marry older women, it's pretty obviously bullshit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually agree with most of what OP wrote except he should have added that it was unlikely that older women he dated considered him as a long-term prospect either. My girlfriends who are on the older side are quite open that their younger boyfriends are there for entertainment, not serious relationships. As one of the Maugham characters said (an older woman who divorced her younger husband to marry an age-appropriate man), "the youth have no conversation."

Agreed. This has been my experience as well.

+2

I've actually known of more instances where the man in an older woman/younger man relationship wanted to get serious and the woman didn't. When a woman is done having kids the game changes. She's not looking for someone to cook and clean for. She wants someone who's fun, who can satisfy her and leave her alone when she wants me time. I'm sure there's plenty of guys who don't think older women are attractive, but ime plenty of them do. And yes, they are good-looking, not to mention successful, at least the older ones have been.

If you want to see something really cute, go on Craig's List and search for "cougar." You'll see all the little Cubs who want to have their world rocked. Sweet young things have no idea what they're in for

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you did not write this to extol the virtues of an older woman. You wrote it to sound the dog whistle of other male posters to tell women, with deep and heartfelt regret, that women are not as physically attractive and, more crucially, not viable or feasible as long-term relationship prospects past first youth unless they are exactly your age, have excellent luck in terms of health and look on some level significantly younger than the expectations of their calendar age.

Live it, learn it, love it - own up to it. Somerset Maugham ain't got no time for this bullshit. What OP put down was not complimentary nor designed to be. It was designed to set off a flicker of insecurity in a bunch of moms in D.C. likely to count as 'older' (than 30) women.

+1

Exactly. It's absurdly transparent.

And given the abundance of real world evidence to the contrary, i.e. plenty of successful, hot men, who choose to marry older women, it's pretty obviously bullshit.

+2 Couldn't agree more.

[Anonymous]

Wow so many angry delusional old hags ITT.