Chance to take trip with BFF, DH against it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. How is that other moms seem to take girls trips? I know is not quite my situation, but I see other moms all the time heading to Jamaica or Vegas or some other such place and it appears to never be an issue with their spouse? How does one make this work in a marriage?

Financial issues aside, because quite frankly, with my mom giving me the money, it is no longer a financial decision. As for my mom being against it, she is anti-Castro, pro-embargo.

I dunno, but I have never in my life taken a trip with girlfriends. I get a moderate amount of paid vacation and always spend it with my family. I don't think this is out of the ordinary.

Same here. Also, your assumption that these trips are regularly taken without conflict/issues is incorrect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. How is that other moms seem to take girls trips? I know is not quite my situation, but I see other moms all the time heading to Jamaica or Vegas or some other such place and it appears to never be an issue with their spouse? How does one make this work in a marriage?

Financial issues aside, because quite frankly, with my mom giving me the money, it is no longer a financial decision. As for my mom being against it, she is anti-Castro, pro-embargo.

I do girl trips every 12-18 months with a group of friends. Our DH's aren't douchebags and have no problem handling the homefronts while we're away. I work OT and squirrel away money to make it happen, no hit is landed on family finances for this.
I think you're hoping that complete strangers on the internet to validate this trip and give you permission to go. Personally, it sounds like those 8 days would better be spent staying home and working on your marriage.
And I'm dying to know how the second poster picked up that it was Cuba you were wanting to go to?!

It was quite obvious she was talking about Cuba.

Do you keep up on current events at all? I'm not being snarky, as I know I found it very difficult to do when my son was really little/demanding.

Cuba is one of the bottom 5 places I'd ever want to visit, so I would have never figured that she was talking about Cuba. On another note, why the hell didn't OP just come out and say that?

NP here, because it was obvious so didn't need to be said. Plus it's not really germane to the story, other than to point out this isn't a standard trip to Jamaica or something like that.

[Anonymous]

A weekend, yes. An eight day trip? Um, no.

[Anonymous]

I guess I am in the minority, but yes, I would do this. For a special trip, when I had it covered financially and was already planning another vacation with family, absolutely. It sounds like this couple has other issues, but in my marriage, this would not be a problem. DH would be jealous, but it would be because he wanted to come with me, and likely we'd try to make something like that work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. How is that other moms seem to take girls trips? I know is not quite my situation, but I see other moms all the time heading to Jamaica or Vegas or some other such place and it appears to never be an issue with their spouse? How does one make this work in a marriage?

Financial issues aside, because quite frankly, with my mom giving me the money, it is no longer a financial decision. As for my mom being against it, she is anti-Castro, pro-embargo.

I just go. DH is capable and they all can survive a week without me. I get 4 weeks off a year and DH can usually only take 3 so it's not a hardship.

ITs a perk of marrying a grown up man.

[Anonymous]

You can say Cuba. We know it's Cuba.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I should have said Cuba, except that I was trying very hard not to alert the few people I actually know on DCUM.

As for where my marriage is, well, there is history that seems to be rearing its head in this conflict, which is why I asked in the first place for advice. Even when he is supportive about my work travel, I still do all the logistics but for actually the driving and packing the lunch for activities and transportation. And I still arrange for someone else to do that while I am gone. He just has to do what he is supposed to do anyway - feed them and put them in bed. It's not even like he brushes their hair or even notices that it is matted. He doesn't even try to work in time for me to Skype with the kids in spite of me begging.

As for cash flow positive and this being a financial stretch. It is not a financial stretch. It is a choice of where to spend money not whether we have the money to spend.

As for spending 8 days away, that is a very fine point that I appreciate now that you all have said it.

As for resentment, it goes both ways, I resent that he drags his feet until I have no opportunity to go. It is very typical of him. I am clearly harboring past resentment of just this behavior.

It is just another time when I feel like I am unsupported by him. Well, I suppose what goes around comes around, and if he were ever given such an opportunity, why would I then say yes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I should have said Cuba, except that I was trying very hard not to alert the few people I actually know on DCUM.

As for where my marriage is, well, there is history that seems to be rearing its head in this conflict, which is why I asked in the first place for advice. Even when he is supportive about my work travel, I still do all the logistics but for actually the driving and packing the lunch for activities and transportation. And I still arrange for someone else to do that while I am gone. He just has to do what he is supposed to do anyway - feed them and put them in bed. It's not even like he brushes their hair or even notices that it is matted. He doesn't even try to work in time for me to Skype with the kids in spite of me begging.

As for cash flow positive and this being a financial stretch. It is not a financial stretch. It is a choice of where to spend money not whether we have the money to spend.

As for spending 8 days away, that is a very fine point that I appreciate now that you all have said it.

As for resentment, it goes both ways, I resent that he drags his feet until I have no opportunity to go. It is very typical of him. I am clearly harboring past resentment of just this behavior.

It is just another time when I feel like I am unsupported by him. Well, I suppose what goes around comes around, and if he were ever given such an opportunity, why would I then say yes?

Look, OP, I say this nicely but you clearly don't like your husband right now. And I'm sure if we got his side of things, it would be clear he doesn't like you very much either. The more you post about him,t he more it becomes clear you guys need some sort of therapy to work out your issues.

[Anonymous]

I would need more details about this "beta trip". Where is it and are there any associated dangers (unrest, non-potable water, lack of healthcare in case of emergency). You want to take the kids along and he has a say in that. You want to spend family money to go on this trip - he has a say in that too.

[Anonymous]

When you said trip of a lifetime, I frankly did not envision Cuba. Hilarious.

Stay home and work on your marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would need more details about this "beta trip". Where is it and are there any associated dangers (unrest, non-potable water, lack of healthcare in case of emergency). You want to take the kids along and he has a say in that. You want to spend family money to go on this trip - he has a say in that too.

PP, brush up your reading skills. Seriously. She doesn't want to take the kids. It's not spending family money. And it's not an issue of danger but her husband's desire for her not to go away without the family.

[Anonymous]

Look, OP, I say this nicely but you clearly don't like your husband right now. And I'm sure if we got his side of things, it would be clear he doesn't like you very much either. The more you post about him,t he more it becomes clear you guys need some sort of therapy to work out your issues.

This, OP. Sweet Jesus, this. This is so not about the trip. This is about a bucket of resentments swishing back and forth in a pot called "marriage falling apart."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Look, OP, I say this nicely but you clearly don't like your husband right now. And I'm sure if we got his side of things, it would be clear he doesn't like you very much either. The more you post about him,t he more it becomes clear you guys need some sort of therapy to work out your issues.

This, OP. Sweet Jesus, this. This is so not about the trip. This is about a bucket of resentments swishing back and forth in a pot called "marriage falling apart."

Yes. And that would cause me to hesitate about going. (unless you don't really care about what happens to the marriage). You guys already resent each other and probably don't really like each other right now. I wouldn't want to add more resentment into the marriage unless I didn't really care about saving it. I realize that this is a tour and that's why its 8 days. I"m sure you can find another tour that's shorter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you said trip of a lifetime, I frankly did not envision Cuba. Hilarious.

Stay home and work on your marriage.

PP here. No shit

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Look, OP, I say this nicely but you clearly don't like your husband right now. And I'm sure if we got his side of things, it would be clear he doesn't like you very much either. The more you post about him,t he more it becomes clear you guys need some sort of therapy to work out your issues.

This, OP. Sweet Jesus, this. This is so not about the trip. This is about a bucket of resentments swishing back and forth in a pot called "marriage falling apart."

Actually, it highlights the key problem with our marriage. But, trust me, staying around for those 8 days is not going to solve what 3 years of marriage counseling didn't. I do love my husband, but he also knows he pushes my buttons when he drags his feet, which he does when he knows the decision is time limited and waiting means he gets his way. Again, this is a one sided problem, in that if he were asking me, I would tell him to go. But, if I don't go because of he says no, I will unlikely ever be inclined to say yes if he were ever to ask something similar. That is a fundamental problem.