Chance to take trip with BFF, DH against it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. How is that other moms seem to take girls trips? I know is not quite my situation, but I see other moms all the time heading to Jamaica or Vegas or some other such place and it appears to never be an issue with their spouse? How does one make this work in a marriage?

Financial issues aside, because quite frankly, with my mom giving me the money, it is no longer a financial decision. As for my mom being against it, she is anti-Castro, pro-embargo.

I don't know how other moms do it-all I know is that I don't think it is the best choice for moms with dependent children. For many reasons-financial, time, marriage, ect... You have the rest of your life to travel after their brief childhoods.

I'm a mother, not a martyr.

[Anonymous]

Joan of Arc's famous last words: "Well, this is going to fuck over my Cuba trip."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. How is that other moms seem to take girls trips? I know is not quite my situation, but I see other moms all the time heading to Jamaica or Vegas or some other such place and it appears to never be an issue with their spouse? How does one make this work in a marriage?

Financial issues aside, because quite frankly, with my mom giving me the money, it is no longer a financial decision. As for my mom being against it, she is anti-Castro, pro-embargo.

I don't know how other moms do it-all I know is that I don't think it is the best choice for moms with dependent children. For many reasons-financial, time, marriage, ect... You have the rest of your life to travel after their brief childhoods.

I'm a mother, not a martyr.

Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. How is that other moms seem to take girls trips? I know is not quite my situation, but I see other moms all the time heading to Jamaica or Vegas or some other such place and it appears to never be an issue with their spouse? How does one make this work in a marriage?

Financial issues aside, because quite frankly, with my mom giving me the money, it is no longer a financial decision. As for my mom being against it, she is anti-Castro, pro-embargo.

They go for 3 days, not 8 days. I think that's a long time to leave your family.

I have yet to go due to my toddler. But I'd take a 2-3 trip not a 8 day trip. He takes 1-2, 2-3 day trips with his friends and I support it.

[Anonymous]

OP here again. Thank you for all of the input. I still have not decided and BFF has not pushed me. I didn't discuss it again with DH, because nothing good was going to come up it yesterday, when, as you all could clearly see, I did not like his reaction. I did not even tell him about Mom offering me the money, which BTW, I would not take. However, through the course of yesterday and a good night's sleep, I am leaning toward not going. I will eventually come back and let you all know what I decide. I have to admit, the haters aside, the discussion here helped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. How is that other moms seem to take girls trips? I know is not quite my situation, but I see other moms all the time heading to Jamaica or Vegas or some other such place and it appears to never be an issue with their spouse? How does one make this work in a marriage?

Financial issues aside, because quite frankly, with my mom giving me the money, it is no longer a financial decision. As for my mom being against it, she is anti-Castro, pro-embargo.

Those other moms taking "girls trips" don't have husbands who hide bills. They also probably aren't choosing these trips over family vacations, but have them outside of other family obligations. Your DH may also view this $3k gift as an opportunity to get the whole family out from under the cash flow issue. How many weekend trips is that? Or, babysitting money?

You can't compare yourself to these other moms. You are operating within a very different context.

The fact that you may also take a hit at work can't be overlooked either.

If you can keep to the family vacation plan, and implement to changes you discussed initially (changing the cleaning schedule, one less dinner out per week), it still doesn't clear the way for this trip. My husband resented everything about me, and it sucked. How well do you think you could handle the resentment your husband may feel if you push ahead with the trip? I couldn't avoid what my ex-husband hated about me (level of education, extended family, upbringing). You can. Is it worth it?

Cuba will still be there. It's not going anywhere. You and DH have a wonderful adventure to look forward to in the future.

I think this is a case of a Pyrrhic victory. Be cautious about how much you push.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. How is that other moms seem to take girls trips? I know is not quite my situation, but I see other moms all the time heading to Jamaica or Vegas or some other such place and it appears to never be an issue with their spouse? How does one make this work in a marriage?

Financial issues aside, because quite frankly, with my mom giving me the money, it is no longer a financial decision. As for my mom being against it, she is anti-Castro, pro-embargo.

I don't know how other moms do it-all I know is that I don't think it is the best choice for moms with dependent children. For many reasons-financial, time, marriage, ect... You have the rest of your life to travel after their brief childhoods.

Are you seriously implying that it's inappropriate for a mother (and apparently only a mother) to miss 8 whole days out of her child's life? Wow.

The op, who is a mom, is asking how other moms take these trips. I said I didn't know, because of the reasons I listed. Those reasons don't stop some moms, I guess but they also are very valid reasons to not go at this time.

[Anonymous]

Go. I still resent my DH for forbidding me to go to my BFF's destination wedding in an exotic overseas locale. And I always will, at least a little bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. How is that other moms seem to take girls trips? I know is not quite my situation, but I see other moms all the time heading to Jamaica or Vegas or some other such place and it appears to never be an issue with their spouse? How does one make this work in a marriage?

Financial issues aside, because quite frankly, with my mom giving me the money, it is no longer a financial decision. As for my mom being against it, she is anti-Castro, pro-embargo.

I don't know how other moms do it-all I know is that I don't think it is the best choice for moms with dependent children. For many reasons-financial, time, marriage, ect... You have the rest of your life to travel after their brief childhoods.

Are you seriously implying that it's inappropriate for a mother (and apparently only a mother) to miss 8 whole days out of her child's life? Wow.

The op, who is a mom, is asking how other moms take these trips. I said I didn't know, because of the reasons I listed. Those reasons don't stop some moms, I guess but they also are very valid reasons to not go at this time.

I get it if people don't have the money, but if you can't go because your DH forbids you or you think your precious snowflake will grow 4 inches while you are away and go through puberty in those 8 days, you have problems.

[Anonymous]

So, you're away from home for essentially an entire month out of the year, leaving your DH to take care of the kids.

He has summers off from work, and you want to take another week and a half away from your family.

Yeah, I can see why he's against this idea. I don't see your Asia trips as fun or luxury - I know work travel and in my experience it wasn't vacation. But it is leaving your DH 100% in charge, and that's stressful and lonely. And assuming you have finite vacation time at work, I can also see him being frustrated that you'd spend a week of it away from the family on top of all of that other time away from the family.

Bigger picture...you don't seem to like your DH very much....?

[Anonymous]

I've been to Cuba and you should absolutely go. Tell your DH that you want to see Cuba before it changes. It is quite amazing how it is stuck in a totally different era. It really is a once in a life time opportunity.

I went legally back in 2003. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

You are cash flow strapped, trying to get DH to cut down on spending/going out to dinner, worried about utility bills but your mother is going to come to the rescue and pay for you to take an 8 day 3k trip.

Who is going to pay for your husbands 3k trip? You are not a teacher, so when are you going to take 8 days off so he can travel with a buddy?

I don't understand how you can take off on a free vacation paid for by your mom while he is supposed to cut his dinners out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought she was talking about Myanmar... Am I the only one ?

I was thinking that, too. That seems more like a once in a lifetime thing. Americans have been flying to Cuba for years (through Toronto and Mexico). Cuba would be interesting but hardly worth throwing away your marriage.