Chance to take trip with BFF, DH against it

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05/18/2015 10:54

Subject: Chance to take trip with BFF, DH against it

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Anonymous

I have been harping on DH about our negative cash flow for many months, tracking everything we spend to figure out where our dollars are going. I can't get a clear handle on the bills because he has not given me the utility bills, on which he is the only name. I think this may be because he has been late paying a few times, but this is another issue. I think we would easily be cash positive if we ate out once time less per week and maybe put the cleaning people on once every two weeks, but I don't know for sure. A great deal of our cash flow goes into retirement savings and mortgage, but not actual cash we can touch. This is not a question of living beyond our means, just beyond our cash flow. It might mean we end up saving a bit less until the kids are out of preschool/child care.

I have a chance to take an 8 day trip with my best friend, who I see only every couple of years with our kids in tow, to a place that is exotic and I would ordinarily not go to, mainly because I have never thought about it. It is a part of the world that has only recently opened up to tourists. The trip is actually a "beta" trip to work out the kinks and is being offered to a very few number of people for a substantial discount, but would still run about $3k for me to go. Because of the discount and being able to go to this country early in its tourist stages, I consider this a once in a lifetime trip.

I am already taking a two week vacation with my husband and kids that has/is going to cost us big $$ this summer. That is part of where our cash flow has taken hits all spring, preparing for this trip. This solo trip would still be during summer and about a month later. DH is upset that the time I would spend on this trip would be time I could otherwise use for a trip with him and the kids. I am modestly concerned that my solo trip is a concern at my job, but I think I can make it work. I would not take more time off for the rest of the year, but I wouldn't be taking that time off with DH and the kids either. Today, my mom offered to pay for me to go, even though she actually doesn't think I should take the trip for her own reasons.

I honestly think DH's problem is that he is not being offered this opportunity and he would have the kids by himself for the eight days. I find myself in the position where I might have decided on my own not to take the trip, but given that I am trying to convince DH to be supportive and OK with me going, I find myself not being objective and talking myself into going.

I promised I'd make the decision on this trip yesterday because my BFF deserves a chance to get someone else to go with her before the slots fill up, but if I have to say no because DH won't let me go, I am going to be very upset with DH.

I could use some advice. TIA.