Chance to take trip with BFF, DH against it

[Anonymous]

The fact that you own mom has reasons for you not to go should be the key piece of advice you need to make your decision. Have you told her things that would make her think that you plan on being unfaithful on this trip?

That's probably the same reason your DH doesn't want you going too!

[Anonymous]

In what world is Cuba "Only recently opened up to tourists"? I'm Canadian and have been twice, neither trip in the recent past.

Also, don't do it. You shouldn't need your mom to pay for trips for you, and you should be sorting out your issues with DH

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In what world is Cuba "Only recently opened up to tourists"? I'm Canadian and have been twice, neither trip in the recent past.

Also, don't do it. You shouldn't need your mom to pay for trips for you, and you should be sorting out your issues with DH

Umm, in the world of US Citizens. I mean, I know we joke about the 51st state and all, but this is one of those areas where nationality makes a difference.

Not OP btw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The fact that you own mom has reasons for you not to go should be the key piece of advice you need to make your decision. Have you told her things that would make her think that you plan on being unfaithful on this trip?

That's probably the same reason your DH doesn't want you going too!

Sounds like her mother doesn't want her to go for political reasons, but she is still supportive of the trip, hence the offer to pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: This is not a question of living beyond our means, just beyond our cash flow.

Okay, that aside - you sound selfish and I think you're being ridiculous wanting to go given everything you laid out.

+1

I don't even know what that statement means. What is the difference between living beyond one's means and living beyond one's cash flow?

We sock a boatload into retirement. We have a ton of equity in our home. Our 15 year mortgage is our only debt. We are well asset-positive.

That is all very well and good (and fwiw we are the same). It has nothing to do with living beyond one's means vis-a-vis cash flow. If you are spending more than you are bringing in, you are in fact living beyond your means, no matter what your retirement etc. accounts look like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. How is that other moms seem to take girls trips? I know is not quite my situation, but I see other moms all the time heading to Jamaica or Vegas or some other such place and it appears to never be an issue with their spouse? How does one make this work in a marriage?

Financial issues aside, because quite frankly, with my mom giving me the money, it is no longer a financial decision. As for my mom being against it, she is anti-Castro, pro-embargo.

I do girl trips every 12-18 months with a group of friends. Our DH's aren't douchebags and have no problem handling the homefronts while we're away. I work OT and squirrel away money to make it happen, no hit is landed on family finances for this.
I think you're hoping that complete strangers on the internet to validate this trip and give you permission to go. Personally, it sounds like those 8 days would better be spent staying home and working on your marriage.
And I'm dying to know how the second poster picked up that it was Cuba you were wanting to go to?!

It was quite obvious she was talking about Cuba.

Do you keep up on current events at all? I'm not being snarky, as I know I found it very difficult to do when my son was really little/demanding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. How is that other moms seem to take girls trips? I know is not quite my situation, but I see other moms all the time heading to Jamaica or Vegas or some other such place and it appears to never be an issue with their spouse? How does one make this work in a marriage?

Financial issues aside, because quite frankly, with my mom giving me the money, it is no longer a financial decision. As for my mom being against it, she is anti-Castro, pro-embargo.

I dunno, but I have never in my life taken a trip with girlfriends. I get a moderate amount of paid vacation and always spend it with my family. I don't think this is out of the ordinary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: This is not a question of living beyond our means, just beyond our cash flow.

Okay, that aside - you sound selfish and I think you're being ridiculous wanting to go given everything you laid out.

+1

I don't even know what that statement means. What is the difference between living beyond one's means and living beyond one's cash flow?

We sock a boatload into retirement. We have a ton of equity in our home. Our 15 year mortgage is our only debt. We are well asset-positive.

That is all very well and good (and fwiw we are the same). It has nothing to do with living beyond one's means vis-a-vis cash flow. If you are spending more than you are bringing in, you are in fact living beyond your means, no matter what your retirement etc. accounts look like.

Of course not living within your cash flow is not the same as not living within your means (too many nots, but whatever). Hypothetical numbers, but if they make $10,000 a month, have bills of $1,000 and put $8000 into retirement, they may have trouble living within the cash flow they've allotted themselves but still doing great financially. I think this is what she means - still shouldn't go on trip, by the way.

[Anonymous]

Do not go to Cuba. The resentment you will create with DH is not worth it.

[Anonymous]

I am all for girls' trips and I have taken them for long weekends. But I would not do this. The money is one reason; taking $ from your mom if she doesn't want you to go for political reasons is fraught; 8 days is a long time to be away from your kids if your husband is not on board; and Cuba is close enough that it should be possible to go for a much shorter trip.

[Anonymous]

You don't come across as very flattering OP. Every time you mention your husband, it is with criticism. You debunk every reason he has for any of his feelings. That's just not healthy. DH and I both travel sporadically for work (Him usually about a week every other month, me usually about 2-3 days every 6 weeks). When we travel, we do get a little bit of a break. I have no responsibilities regarding my child. No whining because they didn't like what I made for dinner. No begging for one more book at bed time. No wanting to collapse after they are asleep only to look around and see the mess that needs to be picked up. Are work trips relaxing like a vacation? Absolutely fucking not. But it's still a break. And when DH is away for a week, it's stressful and chaotic. There is no parent to say "please take over" when your kid is running up your last nerve. I don't know what our marriage would be like if DH and I didn't recognize and appreciate what the other person has to go through when one of us is away.

My point is if you treat your husband in real life like you talk about him on here, I suspect this just the last straw for him. There is no mention anywhere that you understand that 8 days alone with the kids seems daunting to him and you understand. I just suspect that the reaction to this trip is a symptom of far more serious issues with the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. How is that other moms seem to take girls trips? I know is not quite my situation, but I see other moms all the time heading to Jamaica or Vegas or some other such place and it appears to never be an issue with their spouse? How does one make this work in a marriage?

Financial issues aside, because quite frankly, with my mom giving me the money, it is no longer a financial decision. As for my mom being against it, she is anti-Castro, pro-embargo.

I can take a girls trip for a long weekend. DH can do a boys trip for a long weekend. 8 days is too much to ask.

You all married some seriously pathetic man-children. I take a week vacation every year with my mom and sister. My DH is fully capable of running a house and caring for our children Alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. How is that other moms seem to take girls trips? I know is not quite my situation, but I see other moms all the time heading to Jamaica or Vegas or some other such place and it appears to never be an issue with their spouse? How does one make this work in a marriage?

Financial issues aside, because quite frankly, with my mom giving me the money, it is no longer a financial decision. As for my mom being against it, she is anti-Castro, pro-embargo.

I dunno, but I have never in my life taken a trip with girlfriends. I get a moderate amount of paid vacation and always spend it with my family. I don't think this is out of the ordinary.

Who did you take trips with before you married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: This is not a question of living beyond our means, just beyond our cash flow.

Okay, that aside - you sound selfish and I think you're being ridiculous wanting to go given everything you laid out.

+1

I don't even know what that statement means. What is the difference between living beyond one's means and living beyond one's cash flow?

We sock a boatload into retirement. We have a ton of equity in our home. Our 15 year mortgage is our only debt. We are well asset-positive.

Um, your husband hides bills from you. Utility that you know of, maybe more. There's a chance that you AREN'T well off and asset positive.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. How is that other moms seem to take girls trips? I know is not quite my situation, but I see other moms all the time heading to Jamaica or Vegas or some other such place and it appears to never be an issue with their spouse? How does one make this work in a marriage?

Financial issues aside, because quite frankly, with my mom giving me the money, it is no longer a financial decision. As for my mom being against it, she is anti-Castro, pro-embargo.

I do girl trips every 12-18 months with a group of friends. Our DH's aren't douchebags and have no problem handling the homefronts while we're away. I work OT and squirrel away money to make it happen, no hit is landed on family finances for this.
I think you're hoping that complete strangers on the internet to validate this trip and give you permission to go. Personally, it sounds like those 8 days would better be spent staying home and working on your marriage.
And I'm dying to know how the second poster picked up that it was Cuba you were wanting to go to?!

It was quite obvious she was talking about Cuba.

Do you keep up on current events at all? I'm not being snarky, as I know I found it very difficult to do when my son was really little/demanding.

Cuba is one of the bottom 5 places I'd ever want to visit, so I would have never figured that she was talking about Cuba. On another note, why the hell didn't OP just come out and say that?