My dad's comments about my weight are truly making me dread his visit

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you considered just losing weight?

You are a horrible person.

I am not a PP, but you must be kidding me. Whats wrong about asking OP about her efforts? So far she didn't identified what she has done in 16 month to get her body back in shape.

Now you're the one who must be kidding. It's not okay for a family members to insult each other, period, no matter what kind of shape they're in.

Having concerns about family member's health is not an insult. OP is a mom, and she need to be healthy for the sake of her child. Sometimes new moms get so overwhelm, that they loose the reality check. I don't see anything insulting if dad is concerned about his daughter's weight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you considered just losing weight?

You are a horrible person.

I am not a PP, but you must be kidding me. Whats wrong about asking OP about her efforts? So far she didn't identified what she has done in 16 month to get her body back in shape.

Now you're the one who must be kidding. It's not okay for a family members to insult each other, period, no matter what kind of shape they're in.

Having concerns about family member's health is not an insult. OP is a mom, and she need to be healthy for the sake of her child. Sometimes new moms get so overwhelm, that they loose the reality check. I don't see anything insulting if dad is concerned about his daughter's weight.

And you think that picking on her to the point where she has to sneak in and out of her own house so he won't see her body is helping her to feel healthy?!? Do you think that shaming people is a way to give them a "reality check?" As a guest in her house? Jesus, some people are unbelievable. Maybe the dad can stay at your house next time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you considered just losing weight?

You are a horrible person.

I am not a PP, but you must be kidding me. Whats wrong about asking OP about her efforts? So far she didn't identified what she has done in 16 month to get her body back in shape.

Now you're the one who must be kidding. It's not okay for a family members to insult each other, period, no matter what kind of shape they're in.

Having concerns about family member's health is not an insult. OP is a mom, and she need to be healthy for the sake of her child. Sometimes new moms get so overwhelm, that they loose the reality check. I don't see anything insulting if dad is concerned about his daughter's weight.

Do you think any woman or person on earth is unaware that they need to be healthy? What sort of "reality check" do you think OP needs? Do you think there are no mirrors in her home, seat belts in her car, sizes on her clothes, that she's blind, has no body sense, is perhaps neurologically impaired as well? And dad is not "concerned" -- he's blatantly insulting and derogatory. You don't seem to get it. what's your problem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you considered just losing weight?

You are a horrible person.

I am not a PP, but you must be kidding me. Whats wrong about asking OP about her efforts? So far she didn't identified what she has done in 16 month to get her body back in shape.

She's not asking advice about how to lose weight and she owes you, her father, and the rest of the world DIDDLYSQUAT concerning what she did or didn't do to lose weight.

Go away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you considered just losing weight?

You are a horrible person.

I am not a PP, but you must be kidding me. Whats wrong about asking OP about her efforts? So far she didn't identified what she has done in 16 month to get her body back in shape.

Now you're the one who must be kidding. It's not okay for a family members to insult each other, period, no matter what kind of shape they're in.

Having concerns about family member's health is not an insult. OP is a mom, and she need to be healthy for the sake of her child. Sometimes new moms get so overwhelm, that they loose the reality check. I don't see anything insulting if dad is concerned about his daughter's weight.

Fuck you. Fuck you with a chipped brick. Stick your concern trolling where the sun doesn't shine.

OP is all but having panic attacks at the thought of her father visiting, no need to pile other shit on her plate.

[Anonymous]

I'm not trying to be rude, I'm really not - but who gives a shit what your Dad thinks? You are a grown woman now with a child of your own. Are you in therapy? There is more to the story and you need help getting past caring what your insensitive father thinks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not trying to be rude, I'm really not - but who gives a shit what your Dad thinks? You are a grown woman now with a child of your own. Are you in therapy? There is more to the story and you need help getting past caring what your insensitive father thinks.

Not OP but I have an emotionally abusive father myself and things are not so black and white.

I hope you've never been a victim of emotional abuse, but if you ever were, you should know that abusers are very good at making you feel like you're 6 again and depending on their approval. It's a very hard cycle to break.

As you say, therapy may be needed, even if there isn't "more to the story". Shaming a person for his/her weight is more than enough abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not trying to be rude, I'm really not - but who gives a shit what your Dad thinks? You are a grown woman now with a child of your own. Are you in therapy? There is more to the story and you need help getting past caring what your insensitive father thinks.

Not OP but I have an emotionally abusive father myself and things are not so black and white.

I hope you've never been a victim of emotional abuse, but if you ever were, you should know that abusers are very good at making you feel like you're 6 again and depending on their approval. It's a very hard cycle to break.

As you say, therapy may be needed, even if there isn't "more to the story". Shaming a person for his/her weight is more than enough abuse.

+1. People do this often have a lifetime of putting their children down under their belt. It's sick and twisted -- especially when these individuals are so flawed themselves. But that's how they pump themselves up to feel better.

My dad wasn't at all worried about my health for being 25 pounds overweight. I've always been perfectly healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you considered just losing weight?

You are a horrible person.

I am not a PP, but you must be kidding me. Whats wrong about asking OP about her efforts? So far she didn't identified what she has done in 16 month to get her body back in shape.

Now you're the one who must be kidding. It's not okay for a family members to insult each other, period, no matter what kind of shape they're in.

Having concerns about family member's health is not an insult. OP is a mom, and she need to be healthy for the sake of her child. Sometimes new moms get so overwhelm, that they loose the reality check. I don't see anything insulting if dad is concerned about his daughter's weight.

Well then where does stop? Do you also make sure no family members eat only organic? I hope they never eat oreos, because you are a mom and there might be trans-fats in there. I also hope you only use sunscreen with zinc oxide and if you don't, I hope someone is helpfully pointing out what you're doing wrong. Do you ever drive aggressively? Do you ever use your phone in the car? If so, I hope there is a Concern Troll right next to you letting you know that now that you are A Mother, the rest of the world gets to shame you for any riskier behavior you participate in. Do you sky dive? Do you swim with sharks? I hope not! Bc you are A Mother and that means you must live in bubble wrap with no risks.

Being fat can be a risk. It is not nearly the death sentence Concern Trolls would lead you to believe.

[Anonymous]

There's also something about the fact that the fat shamers think it's OK to publicly criticize people's bodies when we would never allow people to speak this way about other types of personal habits that people have. WOuld it be OK for me to walk into a family member's house and say, 'I'm really worried about your spending. I think you need to get your spending under control. Look at all this shit that you have purchased that can't possibly afford. Why don't you go on a spending diet for your family's sake?"

Would it be OK for me to walk into a family member's house and say, "I'm really worried about your overconsumption of junk TV and media. I think you need to get your brain under control. When's the last time you read a book? or a newspaper? WHy don't you go on a media diet?"

Would it be OK for me to walk into your home and say:
-Your house is filthy and I think you're not spending your time properly because you're not cleaning?

Why is it that it's OK to point fingers about fat but not about anything else?

[Anonymous]

"Dad, all of your comments on my weight on previous visits have not helped me to lose weight. Generally, things that make me feel really bad about myself do not help me to take better care of myself. I would really like to think that you can see me, not just the fat that I carry on my body. Can you please stop with the comments about my weight? They are not helping AT ALL. In fact they have the opposite effect."

[Anonymous]

OP, any updates? I'm thinking of you and I would like to know if you're ok.

[Anonymous]

Every time my dad tells me I look fat I say, "Jeez dad what did you say? I wasn't paying attention because you just look so old!! Omg so old! Did you start smoking or something? Did you not get enough rest last night? Liver spots much!! Take better care of yourself okay? I'm worried about you Grandpa!!"

Trust me this works.

If he brings up your weight to others (as my lovely dad does) I interrupt him and say wow doesn't dad look like such a grandpa now? You know wrinkles, liver spots, etc?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every time my dad tells me I look fat I say, "Jeez dad what did you say? I wasn't paying attention because you just look so old!! Omg so old! Did you start smoking or something? Did you not get enough rest last night? Liver spots much!! Take better care of yourself okay? I'm worried about you Grandpa!!"

Trust me this works.

If he brings up your weight to others (as my lovely dad does) I interrupt him and say wow doesn't dad look like such a grandpa now? You know wrinkles, liver spots, etc?"

Well I'd think if it worked he's STOP bringing it up. But I do think this gives you back some of the power of where the conversation goes...

[Anonymous]

Op, It's not about weight.

No one is allowed to be rude. And if you allow someone to be rude to you, you've got to change that pattern (it won't be good for your DC to witness - use that as motivation) But this is on you - this is your responsibility.

I think in matters of health, your father is allowed 1 comment (no matter how he awkwardly phrases it, mean or not) After that, say "Dad you made your point. I need to lose weight. I don't want to hear it again." If he comments again, you leave the room. Do drama, no storming out - you just excuse yourself and leave. If your departure needs explanation (like you're at a restaurant or someone else's house) Explain that you will need an apology from him of you will be leaving.

Stick up for yourself. He will respect you more - overweight or not.