My dad's comments about my weight are truly making me dread his visit
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Anonymous
Yes. I can't tell from your description, but he may be speaking out of concern, without realizing that his comments are not only useless, as you're clearly aware of your body, but hugely hurtful. If so, then simply telling him could help. |
Anonymous
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Ugh, OP. I get it. My father used to literally call me up and the first words out of his mouth were "How much do you weigh?" There's something wrong with people like this. Seriously, they aren't right in the head. My father was a drunk who lost every dime he ever made, and my weight was some big moral failing? |
Anonymous
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After I had both my children my mom asked me, with glee in her voice, if I was still fat. I've been a pretty thin person my whole life. She is not thin.
The point of this is that this has nothing to do with you or your weight AT ALL. People like this, like our parents, will find something, anything awful to say. Because they suck. So just try to look at it through that lens. He sucks. All you have control over is how you react and respond to what he's saying. I might try a - wow, dad your right my belly is so fat, can you believe it????? I'm so fat. Thanks for telling me. Just diffuse what he's saying and take the power out of what he's saying to you. Because that's all his behavior deserves, not all your frantic preparation. Sorry OP. |
Anonymous
| More important than losing weight, I think you need to reevaluate whether you want a relationship with this man. No one would ever tolerate such treatment from a friend - why are we expected to tolerate it from family? |
Anonymous
When I was seventeen, I had a tiny belly (but was skinny) and my mom came up and kinda playfully smacked it. When I was four months postpartum she waited until I was alone and said "you might want to look into your thyroid - I notice you haven't lost much weight." Some parents are just asses! 
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Anonymous
| OP - you're dad isn't nice to comment on your weight. You have a FT job and 3 kids. My youngest is almost 2 and I still haven't lost the last 10 lbs, in fact I've put on a few lbs b/c of stress and not making/having time to exercise and not eating as healthy as I should be. If your dad comments on your weight, tell him to mind his business and that your weight is your own business and not his. |
Anonymous
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Basically, you have to put up some boundaries, OP, and stop letting him (or anyone) define you or overstep. Do you usually feel accepting and loving towards your body? You need to love and accept yourself as you are now. Do whatever you feel works for you to get into the most healthy condition possible, and it sounds like you are, and shut your ears to negative input.
My father used to come for visits, take me aside, and tell me, as if it were major news, that I needed to lose weight. I dreaded seeing him because of this, even though I love him very much. Finally one day, I decided to just shut it down, and when he made a remark I calmly said, "No kidding." No defensiveness, no hurt, no reaction, end of conversation. Learn to do this kind of thing, OP. It will always be useful to you. |
Anonymous
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Is it more than once, truly ongoing? Or was it a one-time thing?
My sister needs to lose weight (more than 40 lbs) and Mom wants to find a loving way to encourage her. How would you word it? |
Anonymous
Do you think your sister doesn't know she's overweight? Your mom can make healthy meals for family dinner and invite all of you for healthy activities like hiking or swimming. Other than that, let your sister take the lead. |
Anonymous
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My mom is morbidly obese and my dad used to comment on my weight (I'm overweight too) when he'd visit me. I finally said to him "You know, you're not giving me any new information here. You just make me feel like shit every time you bring it up." He said that wasn't his intent - that he just wanted to warn me to not become my mother. I replied "Message heard loud and clear. Let's please not discuss it again." He hasn't brought it up since.
OP, this is your home. Have that talk with your dad, and then add "It's going to break my heart to do this, but if you bring it up again, I AM going to invite you to leave. THAT'S how serious I am about it." |
Anonymous
| The dad is right my dad told me I was the biggest person in the family since a hundred years and he was right.beer every evening sedentary life has made me huge and if I don't work on it. An early-----.start eating healthy and running .you know when you sit down and your belly wants to reach your knees. It does not look good |
Anonymous
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I think you need to tell him flat out that fat-shaming you is not at all helpful to you, either in assisting you in losing weight or in allowing you to enjoying his company. That you have literally dreaded his visit for weeks knowing this was coming. That you have a toddler to raise, and getting into supermodel bathing suit shape is not possible or negotiable for you right now. That if he can't accept and enjoy you, period, without fat-shaming and negative commentary, there's the door. Bye bye.
OP, it's time to stop the bullying. You are suffering too much. |
Anonymous
What a breakthrough for OP, since she would never have realized that fat is ugly without your help, nor would have the rest of us. How did we manage to live our lives without your insight? WHOOOSH! That was the sound of the point flying over your [tiny] little head. |
Anonymous
| OP, where is your spouse in all this? Because let me be clear: if anyone is making stupid comments to my spouse about their weight, that person would hear from me. "if you can't be respectful to my wife/husband, them I'll have to ask you to leave our home." |
Anonymous
Write "stop. No" on duct tape. Place it over your mom's mouth when your sister visits. Because there is no way to say this that isn't rude or overbearing. Your mom needs to MHOB. |