My dad's comments about my weight are truly making me dread his visit

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The dad is right my dad told me I was the biggest person in the family since a hundred years and he was right.beer every evening sedentary life has made me huge and if I don't work on it. An early-----.start eating healthy and running .you know when you sit down and your belly wants to reach your knees. It does not look good

huh?

See bold print above.

[Anonymous]

Thanks, Dad. I'm working on losing the baby weight. Have you been working on losing the rude and obnoxious personality or am I one up on you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, where is your spouse in all this? Because let me be clear: if anyone is making stupid comments to my spouse about their weight, that person would hear from me. "if you can't be respectful to my wife/husband, them I'll have to ask you to leave our home."

I think this is really weird when people expect others to speak for them, when they won't do it themselves. It's hard, but OP should be able to stand up for herself.

Sometimes abusive people do not respect the boundaries of those whom they have a history of abusing; the abused also may not know how to set those boundaries because they have never been respected by the abuser. Hearing it from a third party can be more effective.

[Anonymous]

Sorry. That sucks. You really don't have to care what he thins and you don't have to put up with him saying it in your house. He is at fault, not you. Weight is not a measure of anything important. Wear your fat pants and kick him out the minute he says anything. Be an example to your kids tat you will be respected no matter what you look like.

[Anonymous]

And I apologize for the typos.

Also, the most amazing hardworking women I have ever met have all been overweight. It has no link to laziness except maybe an inverse one.

[Anonymous]

You are going to tie yourself up in knots trying to avert the inevitable and then your feelings will be hurt. Just nip it in the bud at the first remark, then do what others have advised: let him know you will shut down any remarks about your weight. Change the subject, leave the room, whatever. Just calmly and firmly shut him down. Time to assert yourself.

[Anonymous]

Hey op my mom has been making comments about my weight since I was a teenager and what makes me so sad is that I was looking at some old pics of myself and I was skinny. She just broke down my self esteem so much that I couldn't see it. Tell your dad the topic is off limits and let it all hang out. Blessings.

[Anonymous]

OP, where is your husband in all of this?

I know that DCUM thinks each member of a couple should handle his or her parents, but I disagree.

If someone were berating my partner for his physical appearance, I'd be going for their jugular unless they stopped when told to do so by my partner the first time. I don't care who they are.

Bullies like your dad also respond better to a man-to-man talk.

So, in my opinion, your husband should take him aside even before the comments start and tell him: "Tom, I know that Mary is your daughter, but she's also my wife and I do not allow people to hurt her. So, gving her crap about her weight is not OK. We want to have a nice visit and we want you to enjoy your grandkids. It's up to you. Either you shape up and shut up about her body, or I will personally toss your stuff out of the window and escort you out of our home. Don't test me, because I'm serious about this."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you can not hide your weight from your father. And trying to will only stress you out. Instead, be prepared for him to make a comment. Come back with "Dad, this body might not look perfect, but it birthed three pretty amazing children in X number of years. I am grateful everyday to it for getting them here safely. I will discuss my weight with you once your body has done the same incredible feat. Until then, please drop it." Smile, walk away. Any other mentions of ANYTHING get met with "remember? we're dropping this subject?" and then "no Dad, no".

Yes, this. I don't see anything from your post, OP, that indicates you've ever told him that his comment(s) make you uncomfortable. You are overweight and he probably is concerned - people often deal with that badly, sometimes REALLY badly. But geez, if you've bought spanx for EVERY DAY he is here - that is crazy. Is this him or your hypersensitivity? You'd do all that planning before just talking to him about it? I don't understand. Also, I realize it's possible he's a jerk and just commenting on your weight to make you feel bad, but then addressing it head on is still the best way to deal. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

If you are going through this much trouble and practically having panic attacks then you should cancel your visit. If you're confrontational, then tell your dad exactly why, and if he can't respect you/keep his mouth shut then he doesn't get to see you or his grandchild.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, where is your spouse in all this? Because let me be clear: if anyone is making stupid comments to my spouse about their weight, that person would hear from me. "if you can't be respectful to my wife/husband, them I'll have to ask you to leave our home."

I think this is really weird when people expect others to speak for them, when they won't do it themselves. It's hard, but OP should be able to stand up for herself.

Sometimes abusive people do not respect the boundaries of those whom they have a history of abusing; the abused also may not know how to set those boundaries because they have never been respected by the abuser. Hearing it from a third party can be more effective.

X1000000
Within a year after DH and I married, we each had conversations with the other that started with, "Wth is wrong with your mother/father/sibling? I can't believe the way they talk to you!" And each of us, brainwashed over 30+ years, said to the other, "what do you mean?" Now, seven years later,DH know knows his mother is cruel and scapegoats him and his brother is the golden child. I call them out on inappripriate comments and DH now stands up for himself. Same in my family. I no longer accept the messed up status quo. I am a person worthy of basic human respect. You wouldn't be so rude to the cashier at CVS, so why would you be so rude to your own family member?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Ugh, OP. I get it. My father used to literally call me up and the first words out of his mouth were "How much do you weigh?"

There's something wrong with people like this. Seriously, they aren't right in the head. My father was a drunk who lost every dime he ever made, and my weight was some big moral failing?

See, as long he was thinking and talking about your weight, he didn't have to be thinking and talking about being a drunk who lost every dime he ever made.

That's how it works for these people.

It doesn't mean you need to keep them in your life.

Thanks for this. It has given me insight into why people can be so cruel. It never has made sense to me but this helps me understand why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Ugh, OP. I get it. My father used to literally call me up and the first words out of his mouth were "How much do you weigh?"

There's something wrong with people like this. Seriously, they aren't right in the head. My father was a drunk who lost every dime he ever made, and my weight was some big moral failing?

See, as long he was thinking and talking about your weight, he didn't have to be thinking and talking about being a drunk who lost every dime he ever made.

That's how it works for these people.

It doesn't mean you need to keep them in your life.

Thanks for this. It has given me insight into why people can be so cruel. It never has made sense to me but this helps me understand why.

You're welcome. I'm glad I could help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you considered just losing weight?

You are a horrible person.

I am not a PP, but you must be kidding me. Whats wrong about asking OP about her efforts? So far she didn't identified what she has done in 16 month to get her body back in shape.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you considered just losing weight?

You are a horrible person.

I am not a PP, but you must be kidding me. Whats wrong about asking OP about her efforts? So far she didn't identified what she has done in 16 month to get her body back in shape.

Now you're the one who must be kidding. It's not okay for a family members to insult each other, period, no matter what kind of shape they're in.