My DH is too tender and sensitive

[Anonymous]

A lot of us married betas--they are more companionable. But the qualities that make them good husbands also make them pretty wimpy in bed. What're gonna do-- some things are just hard wired for some of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG Op - Me too!

Lovely guy, honest and trustworthy as you could ever want, handsome, great dad, smart, etc...

Cries at the drop of a hat. The man cries repeatedly during Game of Thrones for god's sake.

Zero passion or sex drive - used to be low, now it's just zero.

For my b'day I'm going to ask him to have his testosterone checked. It's bad.

I totally get it. You are not a colossal bitch.

Signed,

Mrs. John Boehner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG Op - Me too!

Lovely guy, honest and trustworthy as you could ever want, handsome, great dad, smart, etc...

Cries at the drop of a hat. The man cries repeatedly during Game of Thrones for god's sake.

Zero passion or sex drive - used to be low, now it's just zero.

For my b'day I'm going to ask him to have his testosterone checked. It's bad.

I totally get it. You are not a colossal bitch.

Signed,

Mrs. John Boehner

Thought he had a mistress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of us married betas--they are more companionable. But the qualities that make them good husbands also make them pretty wimpy in bed. What're gonna do-- some things are just hard wired for some of us.

Can we stop with this alpha/beta crap once and for all? Just because someone is a decent guy who is responsible and stable doesn't mean he sucks in bed and if a person is a douchebag, does that mean he is fantastic in the sack with a dominant streak? It's like saying very good looking women are great in bed and plain Jane's want nothing but vanilla. Trust me, that is FAR from reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm OP. The "he cried " and the " yeah i thougt about that but that's not it " in reference to him being gay was not me. I've asked him directly to pull my hair or grab me hard on my hips in bed - sometimes he does it but I can tell he feels uncomfortable and isn't that into it. He generally wants to "make love." He was also on a business trip once and I asked him to flirt with a woman at the bar and then tell me about it - in hopes that this would make me very jealous and inspire some passion within me. He would not do it. I feel a lot of love for him but not desire. I have started fantasizing about other men when we are in bed - and I have to fantasize each and every time. I just feel sad and guilty.

My dear, if you two do not go to counseling, infidelity is just around the corner and nobody is going to win.

[Anonymous]

I agree about the counseling.
Do you guys have kids? If not, I'd hold off until you get this straightened out.
If you do and you want to stay with him, you need to talk with him and find some way to get your needs met. A counselor could help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm OP. The "he cried " and the " yeah i thougt about that but that's not it " in reference to him being gay was not me. I've asked him directly to pull my hair or grab me hard on my hips in bed - sometimes he does it but I can tell he feels uncomfortable and isn't that into it. He generally wants to "make love." He was also on a business trip once and I asked him to flirt with a woman at the bar and then tell me about it - in hopes that this would make me very jealous and inspire some passion within me. He would not do it. I feel a lot of love for him but not desire. I have started fantasizing about other men when we are in bed - and I have to fantasize each and every time. I just feel sad and guilty.

I'm the poster who asked you if you were communicating him plainly about your sexual desires.

Re. the bolded, you've got a real mess on your hand because you did communicate in an explicit way, but he's not at ease doing these things and it's not fair to anyone to expect them to perform a sexual act they're not comfortable with.

I don't have any advice to offer. I'm sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm OP. The "he cried " and the " yeah i thougt about that but that's not it " in reference to him being gay was not me. I've asked him directly to pull my hair or grab me hard on my hips in bed - sometimes he does it but I can tell he feels uncomfortable and isn't that into it. He generally wants to "make love." He was also on a business trip once and I asked him to flirt with a woman at the bar and then tell me about it - in hopes that this would make me very jealous and inspire some passion within me. He would not do it. I feel a lot of love for him but not desire. I have started fantasizing about other men when we are in bed - and I have to fantasize each and every time. I just feel sad and guilty.

I'm the poster who asked you if you were communicating him plainly about your sexual desires.

Re. the bolded, you've got a real mess on your hand because you did communicate in an explicit way, but he's not at ease doing these things and it's not fair to anyone to expect them to perform a sexual act they're not comfortable with.

I don't have any advice to offer. I'm sorry.

I can understand that from the perspective of asking a woman to do anal or if she wanted him to tie her up and smack her. But the OP is asking for relatively little in the overall scheme of things. This is where a therapist might be able to help them.

[Anonymous]

Is the DH really that passive, or it is possible that he is under the influence of feminism and site like Jezebel, by whose standards he is well-behaved? It may be that he thinks that being aggressive is "wrong," and I really don't blame him. Men get directly contradictory messages from women about that they want. Masculinity is alternatively demanded and punished, depending on the context.

I think you two would really benefit from couples counseling. As others have noted, you are going to cheat eventually, or you are going to become resentful and abusive. Either way, it's not fair to him, and there is no reason why you should have to suffer forever if it is possible to change things.

[Anonymous]

Do many women prefer men who are aggressive and dominant in bed? I am not sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is the DH really that passive, or it is possible that he is under the influence of feminism and site like Jezebel, by whose standards he is well-behaved? It may be that he thinks that being aggressive is "wrong," and I really don't blame him. Men get directly contradictory messages from women about that they want. Masculinity is alternatively demanded and punished, depending on the context.

I think you two would really benefit from couples counseling. As others have noted, you are going to cheat eventually, or you are going to become resentful and abusive. Either way, it's not fair to him, and there is no reason why you should have to suffer forever if it is possible to change things.

"I hate him, but I want to have sex with him" and "I like him, but I don't want to have sex with him" are both sad stories.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do many women prefer men who are aggressive and dominant in bed? I am not sure.

Yes! Happily married here but I wish daily that my dh was rougher in bed. Sometimes I moan during sex and he mistakes it for pain and he becomes concerned for me. Gah.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do many women prefer men who are aggressive and dominant in bed? I am not sure.

Yes! Happily married here but I wish daily that my dh was rougher in bed. Sometimes I moan during sex and he mistakes it for pain and he becomes concerned for me. Gah.

Here we go again. Why are men and women so embarrassed to talk about their sexual needs, especially in a marriage? There are so many problems that could be solved if this was not an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do many women prefer men who are aggressive and dominant in bed? I am not sure.

Yes! Happily married here but I wish daily that my dh was rougher in bed. Sometimes I moan during sex and he mistakes it for pain and he becomes concerned for me. Gah.

Here we go again. Why are men and women so embarrassed to talk about their sexual needs, especially in a marriage? There are so many problems that could be solved if this was not an issue.

If a woman has to *say* she wants him to be dominant before he'll be rough, then it doesn't count. If he truly loved her and lusted after her, he would be able to control himself around her and she wouldn't have to say anything. (And, when she didn't actually want that level of aggression, he'd just know.) Or something.

[Anonymous]

this thread is so disrespectful. her poor husband.