My DH is too tender and sensitive

[Anonymous]

He's so kind and caring, but it's a turn off that he is almost always too tender when we are having sex. He also cries at movies/TV shows more than I do. Sometimes I feel like I'm married to a woman. I've hinted at wanting more masculine energy/aggression from him but he says he cannot change who he is. What to do?

[Anonymous]

Were you not aware before marrying or has something changed?

[Anonymous]

Is his behavior new?

[Anonymous]

I knew he was sensitive but not the degree. We have sex only a few times pre- marriage bc we were living in different countries due to military deployments. So it's not new per se, but I didn't realize the extent of his sensitive side. I know this quality also makes him a wonderful father and faithful husband - but the passion (on my part) is lacking.

[Anonymous]

Sorry for typos -- Had sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I knew he was sensitive but not the degree. We have sex only a few times pre- marriage bc we were living in different countries due to military deployments. So it's not new per se, but I didn't realize the extent of his sensitive side. I know this quality also makes him a wonderful father and faithful husband - but the passion (on my part) is lacking.

Ugh. I feel for you. I'm sorry I don't have any advice.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you can explore any kinky fantasies he has? That might bring out a more base, sexual side of him. My DH is tender and sensitive too, and while he'll never play rough, he can get kinky and that helps.

[Anonymous]

OP, are you my wife???? LOL. I am the guy who will give a homeless person money, will hear a hard luck story and dwell on how I can help, is very sad when I am in a company where there are layoffs and I know the people involved, and the list goes on. My wife has a much more Darwinian view of the world than me and on more than one occasion I have mentioned being the "one with empathy".

Also the last man you would think is like this because I am a total workout guy, love and play contact sports, work on the car, etc.

What do you mean by masculine energy? Want him to grunt and move furniture? Not cry at sad movies? More aggression? Should he drag you by the hair and tie you to the bed? He's right. He is who he is.

The problem is, you want a contradiction for a husband - tough on the outside but faithful and loving on the inside.

[Anonymous]

My DH cries at TV shows and movies and it drives me up a wall. Especially because he is so unemotional when it comes to me and the kids.

[Anonymous]

OP, you're being unfair.

You really shouldn't married a sweet, sensitive guy if you didn't want that. Now you're stuck with a perfectly nice man who you don't seem to want. And he's stuck with a woman who doesn't accept who he is and dislikes aspects of his personality that are central to who he is.

He's not going to be able to change. This is just who he is. And he really shouldn't have to change. There's nothing wrong with him.

I'm not sure what to suggest. If you don't have kids, maybe you should divorce before you start becoming contemptful of him.

[Anonymous]

PTSD?

[Anonymous]

Want to trade my insensitive husband with zero empathy for yours?

[Anonymous]

Does he cry after sex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does he cry after sex?

He probably would if he knew what he wife his thinks of him.

[Anonymous]

My X was/is hyper sensitive and we almost had role reversals where he had more feminine qualities which magnified my masculine qualities. In the end, it didn't work. It was endearing when we were in our 20s. In our 30s and once kids were in the picture, I couldn't deal with having a grown baby and became resentful of these traits. Good luck. You'll have to figure out a way to cope