They want us to pay for their travel

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm finding out that baptisms are a very big thing in DH's family. They're big to me too, but not as the social event that my IL's see them as. DC is getting baptized this summer and MIL and FIL are insisting on coming, except they want us to pay their travel expenses! (They live halfway across the country). We're not poor, but we do have very expensive childcare, and this will deplete our vacation fund plus some, which means no vacation this year and possibly next year. They also want us to throw a big party for DC. DH has told me there's no other way and he won't put his foot down with mom and dad. I've offered to fly them here on award tickets, but they "don't fly that airline, dear." I just wanted a sacrament performed and now it's costing us $1500+ at the very LEAST (we don't have room in our house for them so we'd have to put them up in a hotel as well). Am I in the wrong here?

absofuckinglutely not.

this sounds like the dh in the other thread...if he won't put his foot down and say NO then you do it.

Oh, I did. But I can say no all I want, and he'll still buy the tickets. They live in a small town with barely any air service and it's expensive. I cringe just thinking of the cost.

Yeah, file this one under "marital problem, not family problem".

For sure. I'd be making it crystal clear that spending that money will have long term consequences. Trust, etc.

[Anonymous]

I tend to err on the side of the elderly parents, because I have a soft spot for mine. But the "we don't fly that airline" comment turned it around for me. Not accepting your generous and reasonable offer in seemingly good faith is beyond my understanding. I'm sorry your husband doesn't see it the way you do, it's a tough one...

[Anonymous]

I give your marriage 1 more kid and 3 more years before he is gone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I tend to err on the side of the elderly parents, because I have a soft spot for mine. But the "we don't fly that airline" comment turned it around for me. Not accepting your generous and reasonable offer in seemingly good faith is beyond my understanding. I'm sorry your husband doesn't see it the way you do, it's a tough one...

These parents are older but are they really "elderly"? I understand that health problems can slam you down at any age. But these issues seem to be more self created by people who are used to being catered to. It's an odd dynamic. It really is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I tend to err on the side of the elderly parents, because I have a soft spot for mine. But the "we don't fly that airline" comment turned it around for me. Not accepting your generous and reasonable offer in seemingly good faith is beyond my understanding. I'm sorry your husband doesn't see it the way you do, it's a tough one...

These parents are older but are they really "elderly"? I understand that health problems can slam you down at any age. But these issues seem to be more self created by people who are used to being catered to. It's an odd dynamic. It really is.

I think it's a dynamic created by people who don't travel and don't understand the costs associated with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are they OP? My In-laws are 76 and 80, and they have become shockingly incapable over the last decade during which I have known them. I can imagine them saying they didn't think they could figure out how to get to a new gate. However, they don't simultaneously ask me to pay for their tickets!

Mid-sixties.

What is with all these near helpless fifty and sixty somethings that we've been hearing about in these threads lately? I used to live in a neighborhood where 70, 80 + year old people were still mowing their own lawns and some were still cleaning their own gutters. Many were still working. I'll be right around 60 myself when my youngest graduates from college - boy I hope and pray that I am not **that** old.

One would think in the final decade or two of life the best course of action would be to establish positive memories of yourself as the wise, considerate grandparent rather then as the demanding jerk who would happily drain the wallets of their children.

I am constantly amazed at the people who use age as an excuse to be total jerks instead of spending that time bettering themselves and setting good examples for others.

[Anonymous]

What if you have the baby baptized at a church near them? Now you're paying for your own travel and they can spring for the party if they insist upon it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What if you have the baby baptized at a church near them? Now you're paying for your own travel and they can spring for the party if they insist upon it.

I didn't want to post this because it makes the story sound so over the top that no one will believe it.....but they aren't religious and don't have a local church. Yes, I am dead serious. They just don't like being left out of "special" family events and parties. They heard my parents were invited and immediately jumped on the fact that they hadn't been (yet).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if you have the baby baptized at a church near them? Now you're paying for your own travel and they can spring for the party if they insist upon it.

I didn't want to post this because it makes the story sound so over the top that no one will believe it.....but they aren't religious and don't have a local church. Yes, I am dead serious. They just don't like being left out of "special" family events and parties. They heard my parents were invited and immediately jumped on the fact that they hadn't been (yet).

Based on this latest update: Hell's no to buying tickets. This is a power play and your husband needs to see it for what it is.

[Anonymous]

Seems like some grandparents care more about the title and attention that comes with being a grandparent than for the actual grandchild.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I tend to err on the side of the elderly parents, because I have a soft spot for mine. But the "we don't fly that airline" comment turned it around for me. Not accepting your generous and reasonable offer in seemingly good faith is beyond my understanding. I'm sorry your husband doesn't see it the way you do, it's a tough one...

These parents are older but are they really "elderly"? I understand that health problems can slam you down at any age. But these issues seem to be more self created by people who are used to being catered to. It's an odd dynamic. It really is.

I think it's a dynamic created by people who don't travel and don't understand the costs associated with it.

They can't understand the difference between *free* tickets and full price tickets? Is SW the only airline that allows carry ons?

[Anonymous]

OP, I am from a Catholic family and fully understand the stress/demands a baptism can place on a family. As you recently posted that your in-laws are not religious, I simply cannot understand their wish for you to have a large party. I can see that they want to be involved, but you need to plan an event that is comfortable in size and scope for you and your DH. I would think you are pretty busy with a 3 month old and adding the stress of a big party is not something I, too, would not want.

My parents (in their 80's), have always pushed their children to be frugal with their money, and would COMPLETELY support a small luncheon after the ceremony. This is a religious celebration at its heart, not a need to go over the top with an expensive party venue if you don't want to.

For the sake of marital harmony, I think you might have to buy the tickets for your in-laws this time. But put your foot down on a big party! I mean, do they know the people you know here -- who would you invite?

[Anonymous]

If it really is that they can't logistically handle an unfamiliar airline, have an in-town sibling take them through the airport.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are they OP? My In-laws are 76 and 80, and they have become shockingly incapable over the last decade during which I have known them. I can imagine them saying they didn't think they could figure out how to get to a new gate. However, they don't simultaneously ask me to pay for their tickets!

Mid-sixties.

What is with all these near helpless fifty and sixty somethings that we've been hearing about in these threads lately? I used to live in a neighborhood where 70, 80 + year old people were still mowing their own lawns and some were still cleaning their own gutters. Many were still working. I'll be right around 60 myself when my youngest graduates from college - boy I hope and pray that I am not **that** old.

One would think in the final decade or two of life the best course of action would be to establish positive memories of yourself as the wise, considerate grandparent rather then as the demanding jerk who would happily drain the wallets of their children.

I am constantly amazed at the people who use age as an excuse to be total jerks instead of spending that time bettering themselves and setting good examples for others.

People do make mistakes regardless of age.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely not. You are being generous by offering them free tickets, if they don't want those, then they get nothing. This would be a major deal breaker with DH and we would be headed to counselling over it. You have a brand new baby, it's time to make your own family a priority and stand up to unreasonable parents.

You should find the thread about the ILs moving 5 mins away. It starts with demanding free tickets on a certain airline and next thing you know your DH is flying out there to accompany his mom to her out of town doctors appointments and unpacking her clothes while she dictates via Skype.