They want us to pay for their travel

[Anonymous]

I am revising. I give your marriage 2 years max.

This is the beginning of a long series of events you two will fight over.

[Anonymous]

I would reschedule the baptism for next week. Get it done in a quick private ceremony and then tell them sorry, had to get it done because x. But I'm an a-hole and my husband knew this when he married me. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would reschedule the baptism for next week. Get it done in a quick private ceremony and then tell them sorry, had to get it done because x. But I'm an a-hole and my husband knew this when he married me. Problem solved.

And with that said, I would also offer to have a little party in their town when we visited. Perhaps I would invite their priest/minister to pray over the baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would reschedule the baptism for next week. Get it done in a quick private ceremony and then tell them sorry, had to get it done because x. But I'm an a-hole and my husband knew this when he married me. Problem solved.

And with that said, I would also offer to have a little party in their town when we visited. Perhaps I would invite their priest/minister to pray over the baby.

Good solution!

[Anonymous]

This is how to deal with them--all of them, your DH included.

Tell them that it's too expensive and you have reconsidered and are thinking of not baptizing your DC.

Everyone will freak out and get in line.

The problem is, they are currently arguing between coming and paying themselves, or coming and having you pay for them. And arguing over a big party or a little one.

When the negotiation instead becomes the choice between not coming/no party and paying to come to a small party, they'll take the latter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay, enough people have harped on the issue of the recalcitrant parents and the lack of marital negotiation.

So, if your husband is dead set on this and insists that he needs to do this, then you need to say that if you two are going to commit to this, then he needs to find a way to replenish the savings that are being used to pay for this. If he gets coffee in the morning on the way to work, he has to cut that out. If he buys lunch, he'll need to start brown-bagging. Lose cable, cut back on the cell plan, etc. He'll have to give something up to save that money and pay it back. Look for ways to save a little more. Even if it is just $100-150 per month, after a year, you'll have paid the savings back and have your vacation fund back.

Make him understand that if he wants to use the nuclear option of insisting that family funds be used in a way you don't agree with, that he'll have to make sacrifices to pay it back.

Yes! Great advice!

[Anonymous]

Tell them you've decided not to baptize, then if it's really important to you, you can do it on the down low.

I'd definitely put my foot down about the miles and not having a big party though.

[Anonymous]

Your husband is a problem. Good luck in your marriage.

[Anonymous]

90% of the advice offered to op will never help her. She has been clear that her dh will do whatever he wants no matter how unreasonable the request from her ils. She is in an abusive relationship where what he says goes.

Op won't answer other questions about their relationship. I bet he would never go to counseling with her and she's afraid to even ask.

How long have you been married op?

[Anonymous]

OP, did this get resolved?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, did this get resolved?

They aren't coming. DH finally admitted that since they really don't care about the baptism itself, it doesn't make much sense to go out of our way for them like that.

I don't think he's told them that yet though.

[Anonymous]

Good for you, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good for you, OP!

And good for her DH! Way to be a team, OP and OP's DH!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, did this get resolved?

They aren't coming. DH finally admitted that since they really don't care about the baptism itself, it doesn't make much sense to go out of our way for them like that.

I don't think he's told them that yet though.

Good for your husband. Now brace yourselves for the s*** storm and stand your ground.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm finding out that baptisms are a very big thing in DH's family. They're big to me too, but not as the social event that my IL's see them as. DC is getting baptized this summer and MIL and FIL are insisting on coming, except they want us to pay their travel expenses! (They live halfway across the country). We're not poor, but we do have very expensive childcare, and this will deplete our vacation fund plus some, which means no vacation this year and possibly next year. They also want us to throw a big party for DC. DH has told me there's no other way and he won't put his foot down with mom and dad. I've offered to fly them here on award tickets, but they "don't fly that airline, dear." I just wanted a sacrament performed and now it's costing us $1500+ at the very LEAST (we don't have room in our house for them so we'd have to put them up in a hotel as well). Am I in the wrong here?

absofuckinglutely not.

this sounds like the dh in the other thread...if he won't put his foot down and say NO then you do it.

Oh, I did. But I can say no all I want, and he'll still buy the tickets. They live in a small town with barely any air service and it's expensive. I cringe just thinking of the cost.

This is not how married people act.