If your child is gay or bi..how do you handle sleepovers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would be a non-issue to me. I had girls and boys over for sleepovers when I was little. I was at sleepovers of girls and boys as well. It was never an issue. There is no difference in having boys or girls over nevermind the sexual orientation of anyone - the general question is "Is my 14-year old ready and willing to have sex and how do I want to handle that?"

So...you can have a general talk to your daughter about sex. The sleepover has nothing to do with that though.

Is any 14 year old "ready" to have sex?

You know full well how I meant "ready" so you might have as well made a helpful statement instead of this...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FYI, you're going to have a bunch of people come out of the woodwork to tell you Dan Savage says gay kids (boys, at least) shouldn't have sleepovers.

Then you will have conservatives tell you girls aren't really gay or bisexual but only claim to be because it's "cool." Other conservatives will join in to agree and to lament the decline of civilization as we know it.

Well aren't you so kewl and enlightened? doesn't seem like you have much to contribute other than to pass judgment on others. I thought that was the job of conservatives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would be a non-issue to me. I had girls and boys over for sleepovers when I was little. I was at sleepovers of girls and boys as well. It was never an issue. There is no difference in having boys or girls over nevermind the sexual orientation of anyone - the general question is "Is my 14-year old ready and willing to have sex and how do I want to handle that?"

So...you can have a general talk to your daughter about sex. The sleepover has nothing to do with that though.

Is any 14 year old "ready" to have sex?

You know full well how I meant "ready" so you might have as well made a helpful statement instead of this...

No, we don't know what you meant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is this any different than a boy sleeping over at a girl's house or vice versa. Very interesting situation.

I agree, and if this girl does plan on fooling around is she really going to be dumb enough to tell her mom she's romantically interested?

[Anonymous]

Just ban sleepovers. done.

[Anonymous]

He can only have sleepovers with one lesbian female .

[Anonymous]

Um my 17 year gay teen has sleep overs all the time with the same sex, sometimes multiple of the same sex. No concerns at all since they all know he is gay and not at all concerned. Hell, they all sleep in his room and not a care in the world. Gay people are generally attracted to other gay people and vice versa.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think its also important to remember that on a message board its in the abstract, in real life things are more 'grounded' and less philosophical.

Picture this- 2 girls have been in school together since elementary or middle school, went to some of the same summer day camps, have all the same friends/ social circle, play soccer together for the JV team, etc. Parents reasonably know each other (this varies depending on comfort level of parents of course). At 14, the girl, let's call her Jen, wrestles with and then decides to tell her mom she's gay or that she is a relative centrist on the human sexuality continuum or something in that range. She also tells one of her close friends, Rebecca. Rebecca and mom are both supportive since after all that's just a part of Jen and they care about and support Jen. Its not an abstract thing for them on a message board, its their friend or kid that they love and want to see be happy and real. Then Friday rolls around and Jen and Rebecca want to eat pizza and watch movies and go to sleep. Like 14 year olds do. Nothing has changed in that scenario- its "just Jen" still.

In the abstract its all about rule X for scenario Y. In real life its not like that as much.

This. These are real people we are talking about. My daughter's lifelong best friend is gay and she has another long-time friend who is also. They are welcome to sleep over anytime they want. These also two guy friend who are gay. They have also slept over. We know them all very well and love them all.

Because 14 year old girls are mature enough to even understand what this means, let alone "know" where they stand on the so-called "human sexuality continuum." No chance at all that she's just following the latest hip trends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is this any different than a boy sleeping over at a girl's house or vice versa. Very interesting situation.

I agree, and if this girl does plan on fooling around is she really going to be dumb enough to tell her mom she's romantically interested?

The same odds your "straight" sons will tell you about their sleepover circle jerks with their buddies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FYI, you're going to have a bunch of people come out of the woodwork to tell you Dan Savage says gay kids (boys, at least) shouldn't have sleepovers.

Then you will have conservatives tell you girls aren't really gay or bisexual but only claim to be because it's "cool." Other conservatives will join in to agree and to lament the decline of civilization as we know it.

Well aren't you so kewl and enlightened? doesn't seem like you have much to contribute other than to pass judgment on others. I thought that was the job of conservatives.

The thread proves my points, even though Dan Savage's name hasn't come up yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our 14 yr old DD recently told us she believes she is only attracted to women. She has a sleepover planned this weekend with a female friend from school. This is all new territory for ..how would you recommend we handle?

First, by not panicking. And second by doing what you can to maintain what is obviously a very open relationship.

I would suggest, however, that until she straightens this out in her mind, sleepovers not be in the cards, at least for the time being. She is very young, impressionable, and most likely, this is just part of the confusion of growing up. She needs guidance and help, not encouragement to explore the great unknown.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's reasonable to ask your daughter if this is a girl she is romantically interested in or involved with. If the answer to that is yes, and you would not allow a heterosexual teenager to have a member of the opposite sex who they were sexually interested in to sleep over, the answer is no. If she says it's just a friend, I would let the sleepover happen and remind her that this is a trust thing - she can count on you to be supportive and open minded about her sexuality, unless she is dishonest with you about it.

And don't "warn the other parents."

This. Everything.

For the record if I were thinking of how I was at 14. I would tell you that this friend was just a friend and then hook up with her. I would be thrilled!! Not helpful I am sure but being honest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think its also important to remember that on a message board its in the abstract, in real life things are more 'grounded' and less philosophical.

Picture this- 2 girls have been in school together since elementary or middle school, went to some of the same summer day camps, have all the same friends/ social circle, play soccer together for the JV team, etc. Parents reasonably know each other (this varies depending on comfort level of parents of course). At 14, the girl, let's call her Jen, wrestles with and then decides to tell her mom she's gay or that she is a relative centrist on the human sexuality continuum or something in that range. She also tells one of her close friends, Rebecca. Rebecca and mom are both supportive since after all that's just a part of Jen and they care about and support Jen. Its not an abstract thing for them on a message board, its their friend or kid that they love and want to see be happy and real. Then Friday rolls around and Jen and Rebecca want to eat pizza and watch movies and go to sleep. Like 14 year olds do. Nothing has changed in that scenario- its "just Jen" still.

In the abstract its all about rule X for scenario Y. In real life its not like that as much.

This. These are real people we are talking about. My daughter's lifelong best friend is gay and she has another long-time friend who is also. They are welcome to sleep over anytime they want. These also two guy friend who are gay. They have also slept over. We know them all very well and love them all.

Because 14 year old girls are mature enough to even understand what this means, let alone "know" where they stand on the so-called "human sexuality continuum." No chance at all that she's just following the latest hip trends.

I'm who you are quoting and I think I pretty much knew that I was firmly straight at 14 but that it wouldn't totally be "gross" to me to kiss a girl, but that I didn't get sexually attracted to them the same way and had no interest in really going there. They might not have the nomenclature yet but they can know what they feel. And honestly, many kids in this area are so well educated and from educated parents that they might also have the vocab for it! I mean most kids here are growing up in households where there are more academic or news focused publications lying around their homes.

Gay is still a hard road for kids, they aren't following a trend in order to have a rougher go of coming of age. There is no teenager on earth that wants life to be harder, particularly with their more narrow and dramatic viewpoints!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Me: Larla, is this your girlfriend or just a friend.

Larla: just a friend mom.

Me: Ok! Have fun.

The kids: Aren't they stupid?

I guess you don't trust your kid. That doesn't mean that OP shouldn't trust OP's kid, though.

Your kid hasn't lied to you lately... that you know of?
Lucky you. Or you're delusional.

I lied to my parents all the time. Every teen lies. You are a fool if you think otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Um my 17 year gay teen has sleep overs all the time with the same sex, sometimes multiple of the same sex. No concerns at all since they all know he is gay and not at all concerned. Hell, they all sleep in his room and not a care in the world. Gay people are generally attracted to other gay people and vice versa.

So you're saying that your gay 17 year old son Is having his straight friends sleep over in his room? They know he's gay but they are straight and there is no issue? They're just buddies hanging out in his room huh?

Hahaha, you are delusional.

Sorry, no sleepovers if my kid is gay. I'm not as naive as this pp.