If your child is gay or bi..how do you handle sleepovers?
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Anonymous
So if your daughter comes out to you, your response will be to ban all sleepovers? What if she's invited to sleepover birthday parties? What if she's invited to go on vacation with a friend's family? It is really alarming to hear how homophobic a lot of you are. |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
Show me a HS kid who hasn't lied in the last ten days. |
Anonymous
Disgusting attitude. |
Anonymous
Dishonesty is disgusting. |
Anonymous
Who is being dishonest, and about what? |
Anonymous
This is not a sleepover party where there is a group of girls in attendance. You are talking about 2 girls. The point is most people will not let their child have a sleepover with someone with whom there could be potential mutual attraction. I am not sure why the rules change b/c the child in question is gay. Would I let my straight daughter have a sleep over with a boy, even if she said she wasn't attracted to him. Nope! Therefore how is it homophobic to say I would not let her have a sleep over with another lesbian, even if she wasn't attracted to her. It has to be the same rules regardless of sexual orientation. |
Anonymous
| You should simply know the other kid first, and their family. Done. |
Anonymous
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I would talk with your daughter and your spouse/partner if there's one in the picture and brainstorm so you cover all your bases and everyone's in agreement (or at least understands even if not agrees with other people's concerns and points of view).
Some ideas: 1. How would a family handle ANY sleepover of opposite-sex heterosexual or same-sex homosexual friend or friends? 2. Who should know who is what? E.g., should the invited friend know the invitee is gay vs. straight, whether he/she is actually attracted to the invited guest, etc? There's a "right to know" to some extent, so all parties can make reasonably informed decisions about their own lives, right? 3. What are the parents' expectations? Probably that there is reasonable adult oversight -- what would that entail? Open-door policy at all times? Information of some other sort? What else? 4. No one wants to feel duped or lied to. So what will it take to achieve that? 5. On the other hand, people have a reasonable expectation of privacy--what should be private? Is there a way to balance privacy with information? If not, should the sleep over be canceled? Things like that, I guess... |
Anonymous
| Sounds like some parents don't mind being lied to, as long as things "look" good. |
Anonymous
You are correct, sort of. What you're missing is that just because your kid hasn't told you they're gay, it doesn't mean they're straight. Your 14 yo son could be having circle jerk sleepovers with his buddies and you'd never know. The difference here is when a kid comes out at a young age- should all sleepovers be off limits? I'm not sure, tbh. |
Anonymous
I learned this unfortunate fact at an event that had very few adults. |
Anonymous
I agree. I have heard all sorts of stories about girls experimenting with other girls at sleepovers, however as parents we have to work with the information that has been provided to us and our own observations in an effort to make reasonable decisions about what is right and wrong for our families. No one said sleepovers should be banned but I think one-on-one sleepovers needs a little more investigation. It is not just an easy answer. Just as you would not automatically (if at all) let a boy sleep over with heterosexual DD, there is nothing wrong with asking more questions if DD believes she is homosexual. As a parent you have the same right to ask questions. For example if heterosexual DD wanted to have a sleep over with a homosexual male I would probably say yes more easily than I would if my lesbian DD wanted to have a sleep over with her lesbian friend. I don't thin there is a one size fits all answer for all kids and all families. As for this situation, as I mentioned in a previous post maybe a sleepover in the living room might make more sense than a sleep over in the bedroom. Even though you would do your best to give the kids their privacy, they know someone could walk on them at anytime. See how it goes from there and re-evaluate if the sleepover with the same person comes up again. |
Anonymous
I guess the point is that it seems like what you're suggesting is that lesbians cannot have platonic women friends, and that girls cannot have platonic male friends (and the reverse). So my question was, are you simply closing the door on all situations where there is the potential for sexual activity? I had a lot of male friends that I was not attracted to and did not get intimate with. I also had lesbian friends sleep over, solo, and we did not hook up, even though I am bisexual. The assumption seems to be that anything outside heteronormative = slutty. That's not the case. |
Anonymous
| Talk to your daughter. Age 14 is still young for sexual relationships and for sex, whether hetero-normative or gay. A lot of feelings get stirred up, and sleepovers are more intimate and harder to navigate. I'd be careful about sleepovers for a bit, because things can go in a direction your DD isn't ready for. Having said that, I don't think I'd ban all sleepovers and would base my decision on what I thought by teen was ready to handle. |