If your child is gay or bi..how do you handle sleepovers?

[Anonymous]

Our 14 yr old DD recently told us she believes she is only attracted to women. She has a sleepover planned this weekend with a female friend from school. This is all new territory for ..how would you recommend we handle?

[Anonymous]

FYI, you're going to have a bunch of people come out of the woodwork to tell you Dan Savage says gay kids (boys, at least) shouldn't have sleepovers.

Then you will have conservatives tell you girls aren't really gay or bisexual but only claim to be because it's "cool." Other conservatives will join in to agree and to lament the decline of civilization as we know it.

[Anonymous]

I recommend that you talk to your daughter about your concerns.

[Anonymous]

Ask your daughter how she feels.

She's not attracted to ALL females. And she's likely able to hide her feelings from those to whom she is attracted.

[Anonymous]

Warn the other parents

[Anonymous]

I think it's reasonable to ask your daughter if this is a girl she is romantically interested in or involved with. If the answer to that is yes, and you would not allow a heterosexual teenager to have a member of the opposite sex who they were sexually interested in to sleep over, the answer is no. If she says it's just a friend, I would let the sleepover happen and remind her that this is a trust thing - she can count on you to be supportive and open minded about her sexuality, unless she is dishonest with you about it.

And don't "warn the other parents."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recommend that you talk to your daughter about your concerns.

This and only this! Esp since it seems you have a good relationship where communication is working.

My sister is a boring old suburban lesbian in her 30s, married with the house and all that. The vast, vast majority of her female friends are straight women. I'm actually struggling to think of any of her close group that is also a gay woman other than her wife of course. She was out young and did the typical college roommate, housemates in 20s thing with all straight girls and sleepovers in HS of course.

[Anonymous]

The only thing you need to know from your dd is whether this sleepover is a date or not. If it's not, don't fret about it anymore. If it is, 14 yo is a little too young to be banging, lesbian or no.

[Anonymous]

14 year old should not be having sex.

So if she is straight or gay it does not effect the other kid because she will not be having sex.

[Anonymous]

How well do you know the other girl and her family?

[Anonymous]

Me: Larla, is this your girlfriend or just a friend.

Larla: just a friend mom.

Me: Ok! Have fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's reasonable to ask your daughter if this is a girl she is romantically interested in or involved with. If the answer to that is yes, and you would not allow a heterosexual teenager to have a member of the opposite sex who they were sexually interested in to sleep over, the answer is no. If she says it's just a friend, I would let the sleepover happen and remind her that this is a trust thing - she can count on you to be supportive and open minded about her sexuality, unless she is dishonest with you about it.

And don't "warn the other parents."

This. Everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's reasonable to ask your daughter if this is a girl she is romantically interested in or involved with. If the answer to that is yes, and you would not allow a heterosexual teenager to have a member of the opposite sex who they were sexually interested in to sleep over, the answer is no. If she says it's just a friend, I would let the sleepover happen and remind her that this is a trust thing - she can count on you to be supportive and open minded about her sexuality, unless she is dishonest with you about it.

And don't "warn the other parents."



This. Everything.

+ 5 million. And props to you for having an open relationship with your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's reasonable to ask your daughter if this is a girl she is romantically interested in or involved with. If the answer to that is yes, and you would not allow a heterosexual teenager to have a member of the opposite sex who they were sexually interested in to sleep over, the answer is no. If she says it's just a friend, I would let the sleepover happen and remind her that this is a trust thing - she can count on you to be supportive and open minded about her sexuality, unless she is dishonest with you about it.

And don't "warn the other parents."

This. Friends of course can sleep over. Romantic prospects shouldn't. But sometimes that line can be blurry. Definitely talk it through with your daughter and see what she thinks.

[Anonymous]

How is this any different than a boy sleeping over at a girl's house or vice versa. Very interesting situation.