What to do about sister's destination wedding

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes my mom and sister have a hard time understanding how family events affect me differently cost wise. For example, they rented a beach house for this summer which is driving distance for everyone in the family but us. We would require cross country flights and a car rental which make it very expensive, even if we don't have to pay for the house rental. My sister would never be able to afford to fly her family across the country for that but she doesn't understand if I say the flights are too expensive.
I've learned (and am still learning) to let it go. They don't get to decide what works for me and my family. Sometimes I think their plans don't make sense or annoy me but I don't mention it because it's not my decision to make.
I would do what works for you and your immediate family. Your mother and sister can deal with it how they choose.

+1
They don't understand how $2500 is a lot of money for us to spend on a vacation, for example, and it better be a great, well planned event that will be a fabulous time for us to justify spending the money and using vacation time.
I have been guilted up and down for not spending 3k alone on plane tickets (2 layovers) to a remoter part of California, plus 2 hour car ride, involving sleeping on blow up mattress and dragging gear for a 1 and 3 year old for the past year.
We just don't choose to spend 3k on that event. Period.
OP, your sister and mother are obviously doing a number on you, I can see you feeling badly and trying to justify yourself on here to a bunch of strangers. Please be kind to yourself and do what's right for you

[Anonymous]

I cannot fathom not brining my kids to my sisters wedding, and my entire family would be crushed. It's not just a family vacation, it's a wedding and your kids ate old enough that travel won't be a nightmare. Why did you take them to the funeral? Presumedly because it's important for the family to be together. Seems like a joyus occassion like a wedding is the perfect place to take them.

[Anonymous]

RSVP for one! go enjoy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine my mother pressuring me to spend $2500 (pp's total was about right) with 2 small children to support and a budget.
That's a lot of money to a lot of us, to say nothing of using the time off from work and then being out of days at the end of the year when the cold/flu season comes around again

I can't imagine my kids and husband not being at my sibling's wedding.

Then I'm sure you would make it easier for them to attend without great expense and inconvenience. Not true in the OP's case.

When couples really care about having all their friends and loved ones at their wedding, they make it easy to those people to attend. Destination weddings that require a lot of time and expense on the part of guests are all about the couple, not about anyone else.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm having a local wedding, and my brother, who lives overseas, is not bringing my niece and nephew even though I would love to see them and they are welcome. But you know what? I get it. It's prohibitively expensive for them, plus they would have to deal with two little kids with jet lag.

I say RSVP for one.

[Anonymous]

Where is the wedding? If your sister had it where she lives, would you have had to fly then?

[Anonymous]

OP, I you get to decide if your kids and husband go or not, fine. But your sister and mother and extended family are entitled to feel hurt, disappointed, resentful, etc if they do not attend. Whether that bothers you is up to you, but don't get mad at them for having feelings and opinions.

[Anonymous]

If your sister had it where she lives, would you have had to fly then?

Yes, but the flight would have been 1.5 hours with no driving time afterwards and cost considerably less (about half) per person. I absolutely would have paid for it and had them come under those circumstances, no question.

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't understand why your 6yo wouldn't have fun with grandparents and extended family in a new place. I'm sure it's not easy to plan these things, but come on. I'd feel like I was robbing my kids if I was making all these excuses.

[Anonymous]

OP, I echo PPs' sentiments that you should go alone. That's a ridiculous expense for a wedding. A wedding at which your children will probably not have fun and neither will you if you have to watch them. Just tell your sis you can't afford it and see if she offers to pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I you get to decide if your kids and husband go or not, fine. But your sister and mother and extended family are entitled to feel hurt, disappointed, resentful, etc if they do not attend. Whether that bothers you is up to you, but don't get mad at them for having feelings and opinions.

But their feelings and opinions are juvenile and unreasonable. How can you be upset that OP doesn't have thousands of extra dollars to allow for her sister's selfish decision to have a destination wedding??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I you get to decide if your kids and husband go or not, fine. But your sister and mother and extended family are entitled to feel hurt, disappointed, resentful, etc if they do not attend. Whether that bothers you is up to you, but don't get mad at them for having feelings and opinions.

But their feelings and opinions are juvenile and unreasonable. How can you be upset that OP doesn't have thousands of extra dollars to allow for her sister's selfish decision to have a destination wedding??

She says they can afford it.

[Anonymous]

All these wedding posts lately remind me of my own wedding, at which I probably spent 10 minutes tops with my closest family and friends and somehow didn't even say hi to like 8 people (only 110 attended). Weddings are only a few hours of your life and they are incredibly busy and I can't understand why people care if everyone comes as long as your immediate family is there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I you get to decide if your kids and husband go or not, fine. But your sister and mother and extended family are entitled to feel hurt, disappointed, resentful, etc if they do not attend. Whether that bothers you is up to you, but don't get mad at them for having feelings and opinions.

But their feelings and opinions are juvenile and unreasonable. How can you be upset that OP doesn't have thousands of extra dollars to allow for her sister's selfish decision to have a destination wedding??

She says they can afford it.

I can afford it too, but I'll be damned if I'm told how to spend my money and I don't want to spend my hard earned money on someone else's idea of a nice vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I you get to decide if your kids and husband go or not, fine. But your sister and mother and extended family are entitled to feel hurt, disappointed, resentful, etc if they do not attend. Whether that bothers you is up to you, but don't get mad at them for having feelings and opinions.

But their feelings and opinions are juvenile and unreasonable. How can you be upset that OP doesn't have thousands of extra dollars to allow for her sister's selfish decision to have a destination wedding??

She says they can afford it.

I can afford it too, but I'll be damned if I'm told how to spend my money and I don't want to spend my hard earned money on someone else's idea of a nice vacation.

Right, and like I said, that's fine. But their feelings in response to that decision are legitimate too.