What to do about sister's destination wedding
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Anonymous
| My sister is having a destination wedding at an international destination where neither she nor her fiance have family. I am absolutely going to attend. The issue is that I have 5 year old twins (will just have turned 6 when the wedding occurs). She and my mother expect me to bring them as well. It is a 4 hour flight and then a 3 hour drive. The flight will cost $500 each, and there will be 4 of us, including DH. I really don't think it is reasonable to expect me to drag two 6 year olds that far and at that expense, but my mother and sister became very, very upset when I told them I was not bringing them, and claimed I didn't care about the family. My sister is a perfectly nice aunt, but sees my girls about once a year, maybe twice. I don't want to be a bad sister, and am looking for honest feedback on what the right thing to do is. |
Anonymous
| RSVP for 1. Have a great time. |
Anonymous
| I think its perfectly reasonable to set boundaries about what you can do financially/personally for this wedding. If its too expensive and cumbersome for you to being the twins, just don't. Tell them honestly and stay on message. I don't know family dynamics here but I've used this approach with my passive aggressive, manipulative family and it was worked. |
Anonymous
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Is she planning on footing the bill? Then she has no say.
And frankly, even if she offered to pay, she still has no say. |
Anonymous
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I'm so sorry OP, this is why destination weddings can be such a bad idea if not done knowing full well what a burden it is.
RSVP for 1, please do not feel you need to get into a detailed breakdown of your budget either to appease them 
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Anonymous
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Anyone who has a destination wedding better be prepared to be gracious about any regrets sent.
Now if money isn't the issue, then the twins may have a better time than you expect they will so I wouldn't reject the idea solely because you think they can't deal with the travel. But if it's a financial strain, don't think twice about going alone. |
Anonymous
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RSVP for one.
If they offer to pay, don't book the flights until you have cashed their check! |
Anonymous
Yep |
Anonymous
| It absolutely stinks, but I'd RSVP for 4. I loathe destination weddings and I feel for you, but weddings seem to have special power to cause lasting rifts. $1000 is cheap to avoid that. In the long run, you'll be glad you did it. |
Anonymous
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It's one thing to hold a destination wedding when you are young and invited a bunch of young people without kids, or older people without young kids. But to have one when you have immediately family members with young kids who YOU KNOW are going to go no matter what, that's just selfish and ridiculous. Even if they still wanted to do a destination wedding, there are plenty of nice places in this country with shorter flights and/or can just drive it.
"But it's our special day." BS. Get out of it and think about others for a second. How can you enjoy yourself at your wedding knowing that some of your guests resent you for holding it there. They are out financially, out vacation time, and can be stressed over the hassle like you will. Unfortunately, I think you will have to suck it up and just go with the kids, but I feel for you. Destination weddings need to stop. |
Anonymous
Nope. If it's not worth it to you -- if you think that even if it weren't for the money, you wouldn't want to deal with the hassle, your sister's pleas get a polite but firm "No." |
Anonymous
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Hell no
You don't bring the kids If sister is not footing the bill She can suck an egg!! Signed Bride who had a destination wedding! |
Anonymous
That is STUPID!! It is your day, have what the he you want and if people can come Great, if not dont be mad!!!!! Are people also not allowed to elope?? Get your head out of your butt!! |
Anonymous
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I don't think the math is right.
Travel time: 4 hour flight plus 3 hour drive, taking into account getting to airport, waiting for plane, getting rental car, Etc is going to be about a 10 hour total travel time. When you factor in a rental car, versus just OP splitting a rental or car service, plus OP and family needing their own room versus OP sharing with a cousin or something, it adds up. Depending on cost of rental car or transportation, plus hotel room, that could be an extra 1k on top of the $1500 for 3 plane tickets. To say nothing of food, wedding clothes, etc. $2500 to appease your sister and mother? |
Anonymous
| Another vote for RSVP for one |