I'm jealous and angry my ex-husband's new wife is a better mother and wife than I am

[Anonymous]

Most importantly, who is better in bed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, you said it yourself, it is his NEW wife. At some point along the way when you were "new" you probably treated him better. And being a step mom does not compare to being a mom. Not to knock step moms, I just mean that if there is an involved mom, you can't compare how you are a mom to your kids vs. how the step mom is - she probably has less time with them, probably little if any alone time with them, and they are "new" to her too.

Don't get me wrong, I hope that she remains a great wife and mom, but the comparisons aren't really fair.

I agree and I am a wife, mom, AND stepmom

[Anonymous]

I almost thought you were talking about me. Until you got to the organized house part.

But let me tell you what my stepkids adore about their mom:

She's super-smart (physician).
She does the best mani/pedis for them.
She helps them with their music lessons because she's incredible on the violin.
They are proud of her when she comes to school events.
She helps them with French.
She makes sick days home FUN and cuddly.
She makes the best lasagna they've ever had.

And that's just what I've heard.

Please always remember, you are MOM.

[Anonymous]

OP, look around. Jealousy never did anyone any good. Good on you, I say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most importantly, who is better in bed?

I think we know the answer to that. If OP was better in bed, he would've just made the new woman the mistress and stayed with OP. Duh!!!

[Anonymous]

There a quite a few jerks on here judging OP for not being the custodial parent, but there are also some really nice step-moms on this thread.

OP, be kind to yourself and remember the gifts you have. Your kids love you for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - I could be the stepmom you are describing. We got custody of my stepkids when they were 4 and 7. They are grown now. I don't know if I am a "better wife". I do keep our home much, much cleaner than she did. I've been been in her home. She isn't into decorating and she isn't much of a housekeeper. But she is a great cook! And she could open up a bakery with her cookies!

By definition, I am probably a better mother. She wasn't abusive, but she was neglectful in many ways. The kids were not eating very well. Her life was in chaos all the time. She just couldn't get her shit together, for lack of a better explanation. She didn't take them to the dentist. She neglected basic medical needs. She loved them, but she just did not the life skills to take very good care of them.

They lived with us full time from the ages of 4 and 7 only seeing her for a few days twice a year. She forgot Birthdays. She didn't send Christmas gifts. She missed graduations. She rarely even called them. Months would pass without any contact at all. However, she is still their mother. They love her and she loves them. Nothing will ever change that. If your kids' stepmom is as awesome as you say she is, then she will never do anything to undermine the importance of that mother/child relationship. She may be mothering you kids right now, but you will always, always, always be mom.

Cant help but wonder if you replaced the mom with dad here, if people would think the same. I have never heard someone say, "he may be fathering your kids right now, but you will always be the dad"

Um. Yeah. I think plenty of people would say that. My DH raised the kids I had before we got married. My ex-husband was very much like my DH's ex-wife. He saw them a couple of times a year at the most. My DH has been "fathering" them since they were very little. They love him dearly, but he is not their dad. They have a dad that they love, flaws and all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It will be funny when she tells your kids "You can call me mom"

You are cruel.

When my stepdaughter was four she started calling me "mom". I remember holding her in my lap and explaining that while it makes me feel so happy that she loves and trusts me enough to consider me "like a mom" - she has a mom. A mom who loves her very much and who might feel a little bit sad if she had to share that name.

We came up with another name. She has always called me s'mom.

The vast majority of stepmothers are just like me. We want our kids and our stepkids to be happy. We do what we can to prevent hurt feelings and conflict.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It will be funny when she tells your kids "You can call me mom"

You are cruel.

When my stepdaughter was four she started calling me "mom". I remember holding her in my lap and explaining that while it makes me feel so happy that she loves and trusts me enough to consider me "like a mom" - she has a mom. A mom who loves her very much and who might feel a little bit sad if she had to share that name.

We came up with another name. She has always called me s'mom.

The vast majority of stepmothers are just like me. We want our kids and our stepkids to be happy. We do what we can to prevent hurt feelings and conflict.

What about the ones who started out as mistresses?

[Anonymous]

OP,

What I actually sensed when reading your post was a good person (you), honestly assessing what the other woman does well. It shows you are mature and that you have integrity.
It's natural to feel resentful sometimes that she may do some things better than you. Not all! Maybe she's not as knowledgeable, and cannot impart as much academic facts to the children. Maybe she cannot induce them to be as good critical thinkers as you can.

What you have to realize is that your children will love you no matter what. And that your children are parented by 3 loving and caring adults! That's wonderful in itself.

Take heart.

[Anonymous]

Did she birth any kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There a quite a few jerks on here judging OP for not being the custodial parent, but there are also some really nice step-moms on this thread.

OP, be kind to yourself and remember the gifts you have. Your kids love you for you.

Yup. I don't understand why dumb shits are criticizing the OP for not having full custody. Guarantee if she was a man there wouldn't be as many judgmental responses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some people are just better at life

+1. And those people tend to naturally have a lot more energy and just a happier disposition. I'm somewhere in the middle, but I know people who totally have their act together on all fronts and still manage to act normal. There aren't many of them, but they do exist. It's just one of those things, OP. I guess as others have said, all you can do is find comfort that your kids are in a good situation. Someday, you'll be the cool laid-back mom to your kids, who doesn't care how the refrigerator is arranged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did she birth any kids?

OP here. Yes, she has kids from her relationship prior to being married to my exDH.

[Anonymous]

Hey, op. It was my life's dream to be a doctor and I was not able to realize that dream. So, I wish I were you!