I'm jealous and angry my ex-husband's new wife is a better mother and wife than I am

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP here. I think what drives me nuts is that she also works full time, and has double the number of kids in her house than I do, and she is so much more ... everything than I am. She works out regularly, cooks dinners every night (real dinners, not mac & cheese dinners), always has patience, isn't too tired, never seems frazzled, etc. She is exactly the type of mother I wanted to be but failed spectacularly at.

Here's an example: she sent me an email on October 1 saying what my kids want to be for Halloween, is that okay with me, and if so would I like to make the costume or would I like her to do it with the kids? (I never made my kids costumes - DH always just went to the store and bought them.) Also, she will of course send me lots of pics, and she's hosting a Halloween party on Saturday and I'm welcome to drop by if I like. (I had them for Halloween last year and this isn't my weekend.) And if I show up at this party, she will have my favorite drink and have prepped the kids to give me my favorite candies from their candy stash. To her, this is not going out of her way at all.

Oh man, women like this are the WORST. I feel you, OP.

Why are women like this the worst? I'm seriously asking because I've read this entire sad thread (I feel sad for you OP) and I could be the "new wife" in this. I am just wired to be busy, to go out of my way to make others comfortable and happy. I like to be on top of things and make great memories, etc. Why is this the worst?

Women like this can be the worst because their fawning can actually make some people uncomfortable if they are the less demonstrative type. It can also unbalance the relationship and make the other person feel like they have to spend all their time doing Pinterest crafts to equal them. And some of these women clearly are doing it for the accolades.

That said OP is clearly depressed and needs help.

So you are saying people like the PP should stop being who they are so that insecure people will feel better about themselves. Is that what you are saying?

Right. I should stop being the type of mom that I naturally am because it makes others feel bad about their abilities. It's just easy for some people. I'm a creative type and I have good time management skills and don't procrastinate. It's not hard for me. In no way do I do anything for an accolade or to diminish the effort another mother made for her child.

If you refuse to understand that sometimes your gestures and whatnot can be unpleasantly smothering to some people, you are pretty out of touch. Go ahead with your brownies but try to be a little more sensitive to the fact that not everyone likes to socialize the same way you do. It's telling that you apparently don't even understand what I am getting at. I bet you were the type to be on the gym decorating committee for jr prom and just couldn't understand why anyone would not think it was maaaagical.

Wow. I feel bad for you. I mean that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

If you refuse to understand that sometimes your gestures and whatnot can be unpleasantly smothering to some people, you are pretty out of touch. Go ahead with your brownies but try to be a little more sensitive to the fact that not everyone likes to socialize the same way you do. It's telling that you apparently don't even understand what I am getting at. I bet you were the type to be on the gym decorating committee for jr prom and just couldn't understand why anyone would not think it was maaaagical.

Unpleasantly smothering? I am not exactly sure what you are projecting here but I feel sorry for you. There has to be some type of backstory here that you would get so upset that someone might dare make some brownies or be on a committee and you would take that as a personal assault on your character.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did she birth any kids?

OP here. Yes, she has kids from her relationship prior to being married to my exDH.

Sounds like she was a single mom first. She's probably mastered multi-tasking as a result. She probably also understands your position, which is why she's so good to your children and you.

[Anonymous]

OP, stop comparing. She's wonderful to your kids, gracious to you, and overall welcoming and loving. These are GOOD things in your life, not bad things.

Yes it's hard to watch some people do things effortlessly that we struggle with. That part might always be hard for you. But this constant comparing is going to ruin your relationship with your children.

What's more important, that their step-mom is good to them, or that she has the appropriate number of obvious faults to make you feel better? Have you ever told her thank you? Just simply "thank you for being so good to my kids, I really appreciate that". Try it. Just once. Let us know how she reacts.

[Anonymous]

You are all posting in a troll thread.

OP had me until she added a detail about the fictional stepmom giving her a photobook of what the kids did on the Pacific Northwest trip as soon as they returned from the trip. At what point in that clearly busy and full trip did the stepmom have the opportunity to sort through photos of the entire two weeks, choose the good ones, print them, and organize them into a photo book?

Good job trolling, OP. It's the little details that get us every time, but you did try hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are all posting in a troll thread.

OP had me until she added a detail about the fictional stepmom giving her a photobook of what the kids did on the Pacific Northwest trip as soon as they returned from the trip. At what point in that clearly busy and full trip did the stepmom have the opportunity to sort through photos of the entire two weeks, choose the good ones, print them, and organize them into a photo book?

Good job trolling, OP. It's the little details that get us every time, but you did try hard.

Uhh, do you have a smart phone? Because there are any number of apps that let you order with a few clicks. Choosing 25 photos of the kids to print up just isn't that hard...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are all posting in a troll thread.

OP had me until she added a detail about the fictional stepmom giving her a photobook of what the kids did on the Pacific Northwest trip as soon as they returned from the trip. At what point in that clearly busy and full trip did the stepmom have the opportunity to sort through photos of the entire two weeks, choose the good ones, print them, and organize them into a photo book?

Good job trolling, OP. It's the little details that get us every time, but you did try hard.

Uhh, do you have a smart phone? Because there are any number of apps that let you order with a few clicks. Choosing 25 photos of the kids to print up just isn't that hard...

So, they're wrangling 4 kids in the great outdoors and paying full attention (because, you know, she's perfect) AND she is taking tons of photos, sorting and sending them to print, and makes a photo book as soon as she gets home. But wait, there's more! She also had time to immediately grocery shop, unpack everything, and tidy up all immediately as soon as she got home.

This all sounds plausible to you, as opposed to being a troll's imagination at work?

Mmmkay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are all posting in a troll thread.

OP had me until she added a detail about the fictional stepmom giving her a photobook of what the kids did on the Pacific Northwest trip as soon as they returned from the trip. At what point in that clearly busy and full trip did the stepmom have the opportunity to sort through photos of the entire two weeks, choose the good ones, print them, and organize them into a photo book?

Good job trolling, OP. It's the little details that get us every time, but you did try hard.

Uhh, do you have a smart phone? Because there are any number of apps that let you order with a few clicks. Choosing 25 photos of the kids to print up just isn't that hard...

So, they're wrangling 4 kids in the great outdoors and paying full attention (because, you know, she's perfect) AND she is taking tons of photos, sorting and sending them to print, and makes a photo book as soon as she gets home. But wait, there's more! She also had time to immediately grocery shop, unpack everything, and tidy up all immediately as soon as she got home.

This all sounds plausible to you, as opposed to being a troll's imagination at work?

Mmmkay.

FWIW this may well be a troll but this doesn't seem implausible. I do this "She also had time to immediately grocery shop, unpack everything, and tidy up all immediately as soon as she got home" after every trip as well as organize the keepsake photos as soon as possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're angry that your kids are happier? I hope this is a troll, but if it isn't, this might be part of the problem that led to the divorce. The divorce happened because people were not happy. Now your ex and the kids are happier....time to start working on yourself.

May ex-wives get angry after a divorce if the kids are happy with their fathers... Doesn't make her a troll... just makes her a woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are all posting in a troll thread.

OP had me until she added a detail about the fictional stepmom giving her a photobook of what the kids did on the Pacific Northwest trip as soon as they returned from the trip. At what point in that clearly busy and full trip did the stepmom have the opportunity to sort through photos of the entire two weeks, choose the good ones, print them, and organize them into a photo book?

Good job trolling, OP. It's the little details that get us every time, but you did try hard.

Uhh, do you have a smart phone? Because there are any number of apps that let you order with a few clicks. Choosing 25 photos of the kids to print up just isn't that hard...

So, they're wrangling 4 kids in the great outdoors and paying full attention (because, you know, she's perfect) AND she is taking tons of photos, sorting and sending them to print, and makes a photo book as soon as she gets home. But wait, there's more! She also had time to immediately grocery shop, unpack everything, and tidy up all immediately as soon as she got home.

This all sounds plausible to you, as opposed to being a troll's imagination at work?

Mmmkay.

it is not that tall an order for decisive and organized people. You take a million pics on vacation--choose 25 in an app, hit "order" and you're done. On your way home from vacay you shop. You unpack immediately when you get home instead of sitting on the couch with your ipad to "decompress." Your house was never messy in the first place so "tidy up" is not a tall order. I'm not one of these people, but I see clearly enough how it's done, and how to be one of them if I wanted to take the effort.

IME, such people usually have one or two areas of their life that they completely ignore, also. I have a friend who is killer at work, a great cook, on top of her SN kid and her normal kid's needs, volunteers for everything, looks great always...and her house is an utter sty.

[Anonymous]

What apps do you guys use to order pics?

[Anonymous]

OP, she sounds obsessed with perfection. Don't envy that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What apps do you guys use to order pics?

I like Social Print Studio.

And yes, especially if you've got a 4 hour plane ride it's no big deal to put together a photo book, order groceries, and sketch out a meal plan for the week. (re: earlier poster who called troll for someone being that on top of things after arriving home from a trip.)

Some people are just efficient at getting things done, whether it's energy levels, organization ability, prioritizing time, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP here. I think what drives me nuts is that she also works full time, and has double the number of kids in her house than I do, and she is so much more ... everything than I am. She works out regularly, cooks dinners every night (real dinners, not mac & cheese dinners), always has patience, isn't too tired, never seems frazzled, etc. She is exactly the type of mother I wanted to be but failed spectacularly at.

Here's an example: she sent me an email on October 1 saying what my kids want to be for Halloween, is that okay with me, and if so would I like to make the costume or would I like her to do it with the kids? (I never made my kids costumes - DH always just went to the store and bought them.) Also, she will of course send me lots of pics, and she's hosting a Halloween party on Saturday and I'm welcome to drop by if I like. (I had them for Halloween last year and this isn't my weekend.) And if I show up at this party, she will have my favorite drink and have prepped the kids to give me my favorite candies from their candy stash. To her, this is not going out of her way at all.

Oh man, women like this are the WORST. I feel you, OP.

Why are women like this the worst? I'm seriously asking because I've read this entire sad thread (I feel sad for you OP) and I could be the "new wife" in this. I am just wired to be busy, to go out of my way to make others comfortable and happy. I like to be on top of things and make great memories, etc. Why is this the worst?

Women like this can be the worst because their fawning can actually make some people uncomfortable if they are the less demonstrative type. It can also unbalance the relationship and make the other person feel like they have to spend all their time doing Pinterest crafts to equal them. And some of these women clearly are doing it for the accolades.

That said OP is clearly depressed and needs help.

So you are saying people like the PP should stop being who they are so that insecure people will feel better about themselves. Is that what you are saying?

Right. I should stop being the type of mom that I naturally am because it makes others feel bad about their abilities. It's just easy for some people. I'm a creative type and I have good time management skills and don't procrastinate. It's not hard for me. In no way do I do anything for an accolade or to diminish the effort another mother made for her child.

If you refuse to understand that sometimes your gestures and whatnot can be unpleasantly smothering to some people, you are pretty out of touch. Go ahead with your brownies but try to be a little more sensitive to the fact that not everyone likes to socialize the same way you do. It's telling that you apparently don't even understand what I am getting at. I bet you were the type to be on the gym decorating committee for jr prom and just couldn't understand why anyone would not think it was maaaagical.

Wow. I feel bad for you. I mean that.

Ha, well, not everyone wants to live in a Pinterest fantasy land. It is funny but typical of your sort not to understand that. But don't worry -- I don't want to hang out with you; I want to get Martinis with my likewise cynicsl and somewhat lazy friends who would rather chat in a bar than waste time making picture books.

[Anonymous]

Am I the in,y one hoping this mess of a woman isn't my dr? I'd like to think my dr is a highly organized and structured individual not this person that can't get out of her own way.