I'm jealous and angry my ex-husband's new wife is a better mother and wife than I am

[Anonymous]

Do you feel better now that you've vented? That feels good sometimes. I'm sure this woman is not perfect. Maybe she's uptight, or controlling, or obsessive.

[Anonymous]

I can see how this would be very frustrating. Try and remember that a) you don't like your ex much so not living with his is surely preferable and b) her list of "plusses" is heavy on the superficial. Life isn't a pinterest board -- I am sure your children love you very much, coordinated towels or not.

[Anonymous]

Some people are just better at life

[Anonymous]

How on earth do you know all this? I guarantee my husbands ex wife has no idea what's in my fridge, medicine cabinet or pocketbook.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How on earth do you know all this? I guarantee my husbands ex wife has no idea what's in my fridge, medicine cabinet or pocketbook.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just gotta get it all out.

Better wife:
1. Has more time to spend with him
2. Is in a better mood when she spends time with him
3. In much better shape than I am
4. Keeps her house much neater and cleaner than I ever kept ours - no piles of mail, no piles of laundry, everything in the (clean, with zero spills) refrigerator is lined up neatly
5. Isn't annoyed by him as much as I was

Better mom:
1. So much more patience
2. Can talk them into things I never could (being quiet when adults are talking, I thought they were picky eaters - now they're not, we used to have screaming battles of getting dressed - she tells them to get their socks on and they skip off)
3. She's totally on top of who has to go where and when
4. She's always prepared (buys the birthday gift immediately after RSVPing to party, always has a decent snack in her purse, always has a bandaid or ponytail holder)
5. Makes time for things I could never make time for (they eat much healthier there)

I can tell they're much happier in this house than they were when exDH and I were together. I found it SO HARD to work all day AND be a wife and mother. I HATE it that the new wife is always so kind to me. She welcomes me into her home like a member of the family. Her bathroom medicine cabinet in the kids bathroom is stocked with every medicine or type of first aid they might need, the kids towels are color coordinated. She's five thousand times more organized than I am. I just HATE her sometimes!

Is this what was the downfall of your marriage? I'm curious how you ended up in the situation. As others have said, you'll always be your kids' mother. It sounds cliche, but no one replaces Mom.

[Anonymous]

If you are not a troll, you are very lucky.

NW might feel under appreciated. Does she know you appreciate her? Not sure the et-i-cut (can't spell this word; too lazy to look it up) on that but a thought

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you feel better now that you've vented? That feels good sometimes. I'm sure this woman is not perfect. Maybe she's uptight, or controlling, or obsessive.

OP here. Yeah, I do. It's just SO frustrating to see. I'm clearly smarter than her (she's not dumb, just average-smart) - you'd think it would get me farther. I was always exhausted by my two kids. She's dealing with four kids and doesn't seem at all stressed by them. Just drives me nuts. And it's made worse by how KIND she always is to me. She just juggles every aspect of life so much better than I do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How on earth do you know all this? I guarantee my husbands ex wife has no idea what's in my fridge, medicine cabinet or pocketbook.

Because I go there to pick up and drop off the kids. I've used the bathroom. My DS showed me where his bandaids were that he got to pick out so I saw the medicine cabinet. I've stood in the kitchen talking with her while she's been cleaning up or getting a drink (they ALWAYS offer me a drink) so I've seen into the fridge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you feel better now that you've vented? That feels good sometimes. I'm sure this woman is not perfect. Maybe she's uptight, or controlling, or obsessive.

OP here. Yeah, I do. It's just SO frustrating to see. I'm clearly smarter than her (she's not dumb, just average-smart) - you'd think it would get me farther. I was always exhausted by my two kids. She's dealing with four kids and doesn't seem at all stressed by them. Just drives me nuts. And it's made worse by how KIND she always is to me. She just juggles every aspect of life so much better than I do.

Try to focus on the positive. You kids are in good hands. I know this must be really hard. Repay her kindness with kindness, and you'll be an excellent example for your kids.

[Anonymous]

If you feel inadequate, then work on yourself. Become the better mother, more organized at home, and practice more patience. It's never too late to better ourselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you feel better now that you've vented? That feels good sometimes. I'm sure this woman is not perfect. Maybe she's uptight, or controlling, or obsessive.

OP here. Yeah, I do. It's just SO frustrating to see. I'm clearly smarter than her (she's not dumb, just average-smart) - you'd think it would get me farther. I was always exhausted by my two kids. She's dealing with four kids and doesn't seem at all stressed by them. Just drives me nuts. And it's made worse by how KIND she always is to me. She just juggles every aspect of life so much better than I do.

You know, I get it. I would be jealous, too.

But from a purely practical, selfish standpoint - isn't it better that she is always kind to you? You would prefer a bitch on wheels? It sounds as if she is being a grown-up about a mixed family, and it has helped your children adjust to the change. Having a kind stepmom benefits them.

[Anonymous]

I want to marry her!! Or hire her. And I'm a female.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm sure that this woman admires something about you as well. Maybe she thinks you're really smart. Maybe she's grateful that you had those kids in the first place. She sounds like a sweet person who loves your children very much and is going to great lengths to make you feel welcomed and included. Lots of new wives don't do that. Lots of ex-wives don't do that either.

Reciprocate. Appreciate. Try to get to know her as a person separate from your ex-husband and stop fixating on your flaws.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How on earth do you know all this? I guarantee my husbands ex wife has no idea what's in my fridge, medicine cabinet or pocketbook.

Because I go there to pick up and drop off the kids. I've used the bathroom. My DS showed me where his bandaids were that he got to pick out so I saw the medicine cabinet. I've stood in the kitchen talking with her while she's been cleaning up or getting a drink (they ALWAYS offer me a drink) so I've seen into the fridge.

pp here, she sounds nice!! Can we trade? My sister ex wife pretends I don't exist (literally won't even look my direction at events), I want a sister ex wife who offers me drinks even if she makes me feel like a slacker.