I'm jealous and angry my ex-husband's new wife is a better mother and wife than I am

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't have medicine so accessible to kids.

+1

[Anonymous]

I applaud you for being mature and unselfish when it comes to your kids.

A lot of people fight over kids just to win or not be judged by others. Some people have the absolutely most divisive custody settlements which hurt the kids. Your arrangement seems stable and fair to the kids.

You get along the the stepmom and recognize her strengths. Good for you. Not worth the anger and the jealousy, but it sounds like you are working on it.

[Anonymous]

Just be grateful that your kids have a better mom when they are not with you.

[Anonymous]

I don't really get why some of you are so mean. Are you really all that insecure? What's so wrong with your own lives? It must be something.

OP, please don't be so hard on yourself.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are an admirable person. Becoming a doctor is a life's journey. I thought I wanted to be a pediatrician, but there was too much schooling for me to deal with to get an MD.

Your gifts lie elsewhere than a cleaned, organized fridge. There are so many hours in the day and yours are not spent doing the same things as the stepmom. I sense that you appreciate her for who she is and how she gets things done, she sees you in a positive light by inviting you into their home and the way she relates to you.

Hang in there and love you for you!!!

[Anonymous]

OP, it's ok. It is a wonderful thing that you are a doctor. I would love to be one but I know I could never, ever have what it takes. The gifts you are giving to people and their families at work every day far, far outweigh an organized home.

It's good for the kids that their mom and stepmom are different personalities. Too much similarity there can be very uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't really get why some of you are so mean. Are you really all that insecure? What's so wrong with your own lives? It must be something.

OP, please don't be so hard on yourself.

I think it's one person posting all the mean comments.

[Anonymous]

OP, it's OK. Having it all is an illusion. You should be happy that your kids see what it is like to have a successful career and an organized house. The only way most women in tough fields/senior positions can do both is outsource most of the domestic work. You kids get the best of both worlds and that's great.

Signed, lawyer primary breadwinner mom whose husband SAHD for a few years and still has a much less demanding job (and who I often feel is a much better parent than I could ever be).

[Anonymous]

Be happy they have one more positive role model in their lives.

People grow and evolve. Don't be trapped by your past self. Move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take heart that you will always be their mother. They will love you no matter what.

+ 1. The new wife sounds like a Type A, like myself. Don't worry she has her own kind of crazy. You are a good mommy!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I almost thought you were talking about me. Until you got to the organized house part.

But let me tell you what my stepkids adore about their mom:

She's super-smart (physician).
She does the best mani/pedis for them.
She helps them with their music lessons because she's incredible on the violin.
They are proud of her when she comes to school events.
She helps them with French.
She makes sick days home FUN and cuddly.
She makes the best lasagna they've ever had.

And that's just what I've heard.

Please always remember, you are MOM.

Not OP, but this is very sweet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most important, who is better in bed?

Fixed that for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I almost thought you were talking about me. Until you got to the organized house part.

But let me tell you what my stepkids adore about their mom:

She's super-smart (physician).
She does the best mani/pedis for them.
She helps them with their music lessons because she's incredible on the violin.
They are proud of her when she comes to school events.
She helps them with French.
She makes sick days home FUN and cuddly.
She makes the best lasagna they've ever had.

And that's just what I've heard.

Please always remember, you are MOM.

Not OP, but this is very sweet.

+1

[Anonymous]

Don't be angry. Be happy. Your kids will form a good relationship with their stepmom but they will always love you. This is basic biology. mom will always be mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm sure that this woman admires something about you as well. Maybe she thinks you're really smart. Maybe she's grateful that you had those kids in the first place. She sounds like a sweet person who loves your children very much and is going to great lengths to make you feel welcomed and included. Lots of new wives don't do that. Lots of ex-wives don't do that either.

Reciprocate. Appreciate. Try to get to know her as a person separate from your ex-husband and stop fixating on your flaws.

Pretty much spot on.

I also agree with trying to focus on JUST the positive things. Think of it as a mental exercise that you don't let yourself think "but..........."- it actually works wonders. I have actively worked to make myself a very positive person and it really can become innate.

Sometimes people who look like they have it "all together' or that things don't phase them are just positive outlook people, when things aren't right they don't fixate on it so it appears like everything is easy or perfect when its not, its just that they put their energy where there is good and not let the bad drain them