How often do you and partner have sex??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think these topics on DCUM are started and perpetuated by trolls.

Huh? Who do you think are the trolls? And what do you think their purpose is?

[Anonymous]

Talk to most women who aren't protected by anonymity (think-friends at work, siblings, runner girlfriends) and we all just hope to be left alone by our husbands. Mine has never been interested in my pleasure . Grew up puritanical catholic. I should have known better but he is a good provider. However, sex I only want with my lover.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Talk to most women who aren't protected by anonymity (think-friends at work, siblings, runner girlfriends) and we all just hope to be left alone by our husbands. Mine has never been interested in my pleasure . Grew up puritanical catholic. I should have known better but he is a good provider. However, sex I only want with my lover.

I do talk to friends. What you say is not at all true in my group of friends.

[Anonymous]

Trolls who want others to feel bad. Do you know anyone other than anonymous posters who love sex with their husbands, work full time and talk about it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Trolls who want others to feel bad. Do you know anyone other than anonymous posters who love sex with their husbands, work full time and talk about it?

Yes actually, I do. Have some friends unhappy with their sex life (either not enough for them or not into it) and have others who are quite happy. Just because some people have regular sex and actually want it, doesn't make them trolls or liars who are out to make people feel bad about their sex lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Trolls who want others to feel bad. Do you know anyone other than anonymous posters who love sex with their husbands, work full time and talk about it?

I'm sorry your marriage and sex life is so bad that you can't imagine there are couples out there who have a good sex life and actually enjoy it. It must be tough to be so bitter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Trolls who want others to feel bad. Do you know anyone other than anonymous posters who love sex with their husbands, work full time and talk about it?

Who do you hang out with?? I would not have married my DH if I did not enjoy having sex with him. I feel sad for you.

[Anonymous]

You guys are hilarious. I am a full-time working mom mid 40s parent to three kids. I contribute half of the income to our family. I'm actually taking a day off today. Why would I be reading dcum? No idea. I'm curious, but I'd like to know your socioeconomic status. Do you work? Is your husband making most of the money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You guys are hilarious. I am a full-time working mom mid 40s parent to three kids. I contribute half of the income to our family. I'm actually taking a day off today. Why would I be reading dcum? No idea. I'm curious, but I'd like to know your socioeconomic status. Do you work? Is your husband making most of the money?

I'm a 3-4 times a week poster. Have a 2.5 year old. 250K a year HHI. I work part time (24 hrs a week) and DH works full time. He's the breadwinner and always will be due to the nature of our professions. We are lucky that he's home everyday around 615. We are lucky in that we are pretty equally matched. We have figured out ways to make it work for us between dividing up household duties, childcare, and needing time to ourselves as well as couple time. We are also pretty tuned into each other's needs and know that showing appreciation, love, and affection is pretty damn important in keeping a happy marriage and family life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You guys are hilarious. I am a full-time working mom mid 40s parent to three kids. I contribute half of the income to our family. I'm actually taking a day off today. Why would I be reading dcum? No idea. I'm curious, but I'd like to know your socioeconomic status. Do you work? Is your husband making most of the money?

Wow you are bitter. Is is that so hard to believe that some people make an effort to have a healthy sex life? I feel so sorry for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You guys are hilarious. I am a full-time working mom mid 40s parent to three kids. I contribute half of the income to our family. I'm actually taking a day off today. Why would I be reading dcum? No idea. I'm curious, but I'd like to know your socioeconomic status. Do you work? Is your husband making most of the money?

Jealous much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So is it impossible to maintain formerly active sx life once kids are here??

A lot of people have chimed in 3, 4, 5xs a week. What exactly do you consider active?

I'm talking about people who were 3-5x a week pre kids and are now once a month etc

You used the word impossible. Clearly it's not impossible. Just impossible for you to focus on the people who are having sex.

wow. very hostile. i don't have kids yet but was trying to gain some insight into the post-kid sx life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's really important to accept the reality that sex, like many other things in life, becomes very different when you're a parent. I mean, I used to love going to yoga 3x/week, but that aint happening any more either! And even if I do make it to a class, it's now a much different experience from the leisurely, carefree 1.5 hrs pre-baby. Sex is the same - putting aside all questions of "low drive vs high drive" (which I also think can become a corrosive discourse) - after you have a baby, you just don't have the ability to loll around all day every sunday and get 2 of your 5 weekly fucks in, no matter how high your sex drive.

Like everything else you might mourn from your pre-baby life, carefree sex is one of them.

I think it's important to accept this because the diminishment of sex often becomes a blaming thing (usually blaming the woman) for "losing her sex drive" after having kids. But that's kind of as ridiculous as saying that I've "lost my yoga drive" post-kids. No. It's just different now, and external factors are keeping me from going to yoga 3x/week.

So I think the key is to prioritize sex, and make the sex you do have high-quality, but to accept the new role sex has in your life as parents. If you get fixated on comparing yourselves to others, you're never going to be happy.

You're right about not having the leisure time, but I think the yoga comparison is a little worrisome. And the comparison ties into the notion that sex is something you do if you have a bunch of spare time. The danger is thinking of sex as a nice little extra like yoga instead of an intrinsic requirement like shelter. Sex, like home maintenance, is easy to put off in favor of more obvious and immediate concerns; but there is going to be hell to pay if you don't keep up with it.

I never ever understand this excuse and frankly don't have to since my DH are at it 4xs a week (yes, small kids, yes married for over a decade we both work). How long are people having sex for? If we go over, say 10 minuets of penetration, I run the risk of being sore....sure there is foreplay and sometimes that can get cut short, but having sex does not take that much time. I spend more time blow drying my hair on a daily basis and manage to squeeze that in. Sometimes it's in the shower, in the closet, sometimes we plop the kids in front of the TV and lock the door, sometimes it's a quick BJ, sometimes it is right after we put the kids to bed, sometimes it is before we get out of bed on a Wednesday morning.

good for you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Trolls who want others to feel bad. Do you know anyone other than anonymous posters who love sex with their husbands, work full time and talk about it?

Who do you hang out with?? I would not have married my DH if I did not enjoy having sex with him. I feel sad for you.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You guys are hilarious. I am a full-time working mom mid 40s parent to three kids. I contribute half of the income to our family. I'm actually taking a day off today. Why would I be reading dcum? No idea. I'm curious, but I'd like to know your socioeconomic status. Do you work? Is your husband making most of the money?

I don't mind answering the question, but I'm not sure how that matters-at all. I'm wondering if you think higher SES people or lower SES people have more sex? Personally I can't imagine that SES impacts sex frequency (though it does impact birth rates).

1. Yes I work Full Time and should NOT be posting on this topic from here!!!
2. We both make just shy of 200K. Each year we battle it out to see who makes more, it is back and forth usually within 5K. So we are neck and neck.
3. I'm a PP who has sex at least 4 times a week. We are 45 & 43 with 3 young children.