How often do you and partner have sex??

[Anonymous]

"It truly makes him feel loved."

I think this is an aspect a lot of low drive people just fundamentally don't get. Just how much the high drive person feels unloved when the low drive person doesn't want to have sex for an extended period of time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"It truly makes him feel loved."

I think this is an aspect a lot of low drive people just fundamentally don't get. Just how much the high drive person feels unloved when the low drive person doesn't want to have sex for an extended period of time.

Sure, as long as the high drive partner understands how it feels to accuse the lower drive person of being defective for wanting less sex. Both partners have to be equally sensitive and equally giving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"It truly makes him feel loved."

I think this is an aspect a lot of low drive people just fundamentally don't get. Just how much the high drive person feels unloved when the low drive person doesn't want to have sex for an extended period of time.

Sure, as long as the high drive partner understands how it feels to accuse the lower drive person of being defective for wanting less sex. Both partners have to be equally sensitive and equally giving.

If you knew your spouse needed to have that physical connection to feel loved and happy, you wouldn't try to make it happen for them with regular frequency?

I'm upfront with partners about my high drive and its emotional significance.Still, most of my former partners were shocked when infrequent sex was a serious problem for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Love The earlier poster who said "my husband made it clear...." do you do everything he says?

I'm not that poster, but good for her nad her DH! To set clear expectations before getting married.

DOZENS of people on this website having affairs due to incompatible sex drives. Better to know up front what someone expects than to gwt a suprise

I'm that poster ?. While dating dh was open about his high drive. This was important to him that I was aware. I have things important to me that I made clear to him. I believe this is called communication. It's working for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Love The earlier poster who said "my husband made it clear...." do you do everything he says?

I'm not that poster, but good for her nad her DH! To set clear expectations before getting married.

DOZENS of people on this website having affairs due to incompatible sex drives. Better to know up front what someone expects than to gwt a suprise

I'm that poster ?. While dating dh was open about his high drive. This was important to him that I was aware. I have things important to me that I made clear to him. I believe this is called communication. It's working for us.

I meant to say, "I'm that poster "

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But they can control how much they prioritize sex and put an effort into getting into the mood. Which is where expectations kick in. If you're low drive but you and your spouse have set expectations for your marriage, you're less likely to sit around and wait for the mood to magically strike or expect your spouse to do all the heavy lifting getting you into the mood. You'll take some initiative by reading erotical or looking at porn or masturbating to keep in touch with your sexuality.

I'm a 3-4 a week person, but that was not always the case. My DH is high drive and it was a major problem in our relationship. One day I decided that I was going to just say yes instead of NO and not make it a big deal in my head. After 2 weeks of just saying yes, I asked DH to stop masturbating because sex was taking too long (I always orgasm and normally it happens in under 10 minuets). His masturbating was making sex last 30 min which often we simply don't have time for. In turn for him to stop masturbating, I agreed to more BJs and more HJs if I was not in the mood. It has worked out great and my drive has greatly increased. All I did was shift my attitude. Instead of it being a chore, I look at it as NBD.

For instance, this week we have been so busy, no sex M-F. He has been pulling 12 hour days. This morning, he said, hey, I'm going to head into the shower and need to masturbate. I asked him to stay in bed and I'd do it for him. I started to get turned on and we ended up having sex. That has been the way it has been playing out since I decided to shift my attitude. It was no big deal. Kids were sleeping, it's Saturday and it only took 20 minuets. He's happy, we are both happy. Marriage has greatly improved. People are fooling themselves if they think sex is not critical. For my DH, if he is getting regular sex, he is so pleasant to be around and just generally more relaxed. He will do just about anything and go with the flow when he's getting it. It truly makes him feel loved.

I think if you are both low drive in a marriage, my experience is of no relevance to you, but when drives differ, I do think the low drive person has to work more to meet the high drive person in the middle. Like anything in a marriage, compromise is healthy.

I feel sad for you. How old are you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But they can control how much they prioritize sex and put an effort into getting into the mood. Which is where expectations kick in. If you're low drive but you and your spouse have set expectations for your marriage, you're less likely to sit around and wait for the mood to magically strike or expect your spouse to do all the heavy lifting getting you into the mood. You'll take some initiative by reading erotical or looking at porn or masturbating to keep in touch with your sexuality.

I'm a 3-4 a week person, but that was not always the case. My DH is high drive and it was a major problem in our relationship. One day I decided that I was going to just say yes instead of NO and not make it a big deal in my head. After 2 weeks of just saying yes, I asked DH to stop masturbating because sex was taking too long (I always orgasm and normally it happens in under 10 minuets). His masturbating was making sex last 30 min which often we simply don't have time for. In turn for him to stop masturbating, I agreed to more BJs and more HJs if I was not in the mood. It has worked out great and my drive has greatly increased. All I did was shift my attitude. Instead of it being a chore, I look at it as NBD.

For instance, this week we have been so busy, no sex M-F. He has been pulling 12 hour days. This morning, he said, hey, I'm going to head into the shower and need to masturbate. I asked him to stay in bed and I'd do it for him. I started to get turned on and we ended up having sex. That has been the way it has been playing out since I decided to shift my attitude. It was no big deal. Kids were sleeping, it's Saturday and it only took 20 minuets. He's happy, we are both happy. Marriage has greatly improved. People are fooling themselves if they think sex is not critical. For my DH, if he is getting regular sex, he is so pleasant to be around and just generally more relaxed. He will do just about anything and go with the flow when he's getting it. It truly makes him feel loved.

I think if you are both low drive in a marriage, my experience is of no relevance to you, but when drives differ, I do think the low drive person has to work more to meet the high drive person in the middle. Like anything in a marriage, compromise is healthy.

I feel sad for you. How old are you?

Why are you sad for her? She sounds healthy and happy and is in a happy marriage. Sounds like a perfect situation. As a low drive person, I'm actually inspired.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"It truly makes him feel loved."

I think this is an aspect a lot of low drive people just fundamentally don't get. Just how much the high drive person feels unloved when the low drive person doesn't want to have sex for an extended period of time.

Sure, as long as the high drive partner understands how it feels to accuse the lower drive person of being defective for wanting less sex. Both partners have to be equally sensitive and equally giving.

It's not universal, but it seems like the low drive person typically gets more of what they want: i.e. no sex. In most mismatched drive situations (that I read about anyway), more days feature no sex than days where the couple has sex. At least you hear more "I'd like to have sex every day, but we do it once a month" than you hear "I'd like to have sex once a month but we do it every day."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But they can control how much they prioritize sex and put an effort into getting into the mood. Which is where expectations kick in. If you're low drive but you and your spouse have set expectations for your marriage, you're less likely to sit around and wait for the mood to magically strike or expect your spouse to do all the heavy lifting getting you into the mood. You'll take some initiative by reading erotical or looking at porn or masturbating to keep in touch with your sexuality.

I'm a 3-4 a week person, but that was not always the case. My DH is high drive and it was a major problem in our relationship. One day I decided that I was going to just say yes instead of NO and not make it a big deal in my head. After 2 weeks of just saying yes, I asked DH to stop masturbating because sex was taking too long (I always orgasm and normally it happens in under 10 minuets). His masturbating was making sex last 30 min which often we simply don't have time for. In turn for him to stop masturbating, I agreed to more BJs and more HJs if I was not in the mood. It has worked out great and my drive has greatly increased. All I did was shift my attitude. Instead of it being a chore, I look at it as NBD.

For instance, this week we have been so busy, no sex M-F. He has been pulling 12 hour days. This morning, he said, hey, I'm going to head into the shower and need to masturbate. I asked him to stay in bed and I'd do it for him. I started to get turned on and we ended up having sex. That has been the way it has been playing out since I decided to shift my attitude. It was no big deal. Kids were sleeping, it's Saturday and it only took 20 minuets. He's happy, we are both happy. Marriage has greatly improved. People are fooling themselves if they think sex is not critical. For my DH, if he is getting regular sex, he is so pleasant to be around and just generally more relaxed. He will do just about anything and go with the flow when he's getting it. It truly makes him feel loved.

I think if you are both low drive in a marriage, my experience is of no relevance to you, but when drives differ, I do think the low drive person has to work more to meet the high drive person in the middle. Like anything in a marriage, compromise is healthy.

I feel sad for you. How old are you?

Oh please do tell why! I can't wait to hear how I really feel about my relationship and sex.

[Anonymous]

We have been married for 4 years. We don't have sex.