No-kid weddings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wedding had no kids at it. (There was one newborn, and that baby's parents brought the grandma who sat with the baby while the parents partied with us and was ready to whisk the baby away if she cried during the ceremony or toasts.)

1. The wedding was at a mansion in Mexico overlooking the ocean. The house was NOT child-friendly. Winding staircases without bannisters, patio with very low ledges that a kid could fall over, etc.

2. About 25 of the guests were professional dancers so our dance floor was NUTS. Would not have really been safe for toddlers.
3. A few of the toasts (there were like 5) were quite saucy.
4. There was a cigar-rolling station and people were smoking.
5. It was a sunset wedding and we partied past midnight.
6. We had fire dancers. I was glad to not worry about any little kids running towards fire.

It was just not child-friendly.

This is the only one that makes sense to me. Destination wedding in a non-kid-friendly environment.

If you aren't kid-friendly, then what do your friends with kids think about that?

I would only go to a no-kid wedding if I had a reliable babysittter who I knew (so probably not out of town). Though I'm sure in the future when DD isn't nursing I'll get a sitter for some weddings even if kids are invited.

[Anonymous]

I've never been to a kid free wedding but I'd imagine it is kind of nice. Everyone can just relax and have a good time.

My wedding was very small and a dozen of the guests were 6 and under. We had a sitter who gathered all the kids and took them to another room and did crafts and played games with them until dinner was served. It was great for them and for the adults. They had time to get their energy out and work up a good hunger. All 12 of them (2-6) sat beautifully throughout the meal. We didn't stay out too late for them either so no cranky kids. It is crazy to think about but they made up a third of our guest list.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, what is selfish is to assume that just because you chose to have a family, that everyone needs to cater to you and your small children. You have lots of options. You can leave your children with family, even if that family is also out of town (my sister-in-law has volunteered for us to drop the kids off at her place while we go to an out-of-town event and if it was logistically possible, we'd do that). You can take your child and tag off and on, one go to the wedding. One goes to the beginning of the reception while the other takes the kid to Bob Evans or Chik-Fil-A or some other place for a couple of hours, then comes to the wedding and switch and the other takes the kid to the hotel to put to bed and the later partner gets a ride back to the hotel. My MIL has volunteered a couple of times to come with us, fly to our house, then ride with us to an event and she'd stay in the hotel with the kids while we go to an event and come back. I've been in towns where I look for a professional nanny service that does background checks and will hire a professional nanny that I can interview over the phone and can speak to before we leave. We get a suite hotel and then I have her come about an hour or so before we have to leave so that we can watch her watching the kids while we finish getting ready to go and that the kids get a transition before we leave. Or you can send your regrets and stay home.

Even though I have kids and we have no family local, I find it very selfish that so many people with kids rant about events that are not "family friendly". There is a whole world out there of family friendly events. I go to those and I pick and choose the adult restricted events that I go to and if the logistics don't work, I don't go. If I want to go, I figure out what logistics will make it work. That's part of the choice I made when I had a family. It's not a bride & groom's responsibility to accommodate the family I chose to have.

I agree to a point with the first PP above. Weddings are supposed to be celebrations of union that you host for your family and friends. But that does not necessarily have to include young children who will behave as young children do. And even the best of children have meltdowns, need to run off energy or generally need to talk or play. And they don't understand the limitations of a location such as a wedding. Plus, some catering companies or banquet halls include children in their head counts. I've seen plenty of folks that have a wedding on Saturday with adult reception and then a family brunch or something on Sunday before folks head back out of town that is open to all ages. The children can celebrate just as easily and probably better at a brunch with a family friendly setting than they can in a ballroom with fancy food and no play space.

Thank you for your reasonable, rational, common-sense response (so rare on DCUM)!!! This is exactly how I feel. My husband and I are two of the only people in our family that have kids right now, so we do what we can to make it work for various events and if we can't make it work, we politely decline. Everyone is fine about it.

[Anonymous]

What do we do? We either hire a sitter or politely decline. We send a nice gift. We respect people's choices.

It is about rejoicing in the marriage. It is not about the party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wedding had no kids at it. (There was one newborn, and that baby's parents brought the grandma who sat with the baby while the parents partied with us and was ready to whisk the baby away if she cried during the ceremony or toasts.)

1. The wedding was at a mansion in Mexico overlooking the ocean. The house was NOT child-friendly. Winding staircases without bannisters, patio with very low ledges that a kid could fall over, etc.

2. About 25 of the guests were professional dancers so our dance floor was NUTS. Would not have really been safe for toddlers.
3. A few of the toasts (there were like 5) were quite saucy.
4. There was a cigar-rolling station and people were smoking.
5. It was a sunset wedding and we partied past midnight.
6. We had fire dancers. I was glad to not worry about any little kids running towards fire.

It was just not child-friendly.

I wish you had invited me!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't mind if people have no kid weddings, but it places an undue burden (financial, emotional, and otherwise) on people traveling for the wedding. We are in this tough situation with a few weddings right now. We don't have anyone to watch our child at home and bringing our child will make the logistics crazy and I'll probably miss the receptions. Hardly seems worth it to go for me since it will just be a huge expensive headache and I won't enjoy myself at all, but we don't really have that option.

No it doesn't. You get to decline. Send a nice gift, and make a date to see the couple soon after the honeymoon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have never been to a wedding that didn't allow kids, but it seems to come up on Carolyn Hax quite a bit so I'm curious what goes on at these weddings and what most guests do when they are invited.

Just wondering what reasons people have for this. I would think primarily it's because the couple doesn't like kids or doesn't want a fussy baby or active child "ruining" the ceremony or getting in the way on the dance floor. Or is there another reason I just don't get?

Not everyone loves your kids as much as you do.

Get over it.

Signed,
mother of two who had a no-kid wedding

[Anonymous]

I would not be able to do a kid-free wedding. To me, a wedding is about celebrating with the people you love, and for me, that includes my nieces, nephews, young cousins, and children of close friends. Thankfully, most of my close family and friends feel this way.

That being said, I suppose it's the couple's choice, and it's not my wedding, so not a huge deal if it's kid-free. I'd either
1. Find a sitter if it's in-town
2. Politely decline if it's out of town, and send a gift/card to the couple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't mind if people have no kid weddings, but it places an undue burden (financial, emotional, and otherwise) on people traveling for the wedding. We are in this tough situation with a few weddings right now. We don't have anyone to watch our child at home and bringing our child will make the logistics crazy and I'll probably miss the receptions. Hardly seems worth it to go for me since it will just be a huge expensive headache and I won't enjoy myself at all, but we don't really have that option.

No it doesn't. You get to decline. Send a nice gift, and make a date to see the couple soon after the honeymoon.

Nope, they are out of town and my spouse is in the wedding.

[Anonymous]

Non kid weddings are the best!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't mind if people have no kid weddings, but it places an undue burden (financial, emotional, and otherwise) on people traveling for the wedding. We are in this tough situation with a few weddings right now. We don't have anyone to watch our child at home and bringing our child will make the logistics crazy and I'll probably miss the receptions. Hardly seems worth it to go for me since it will just be a huge expensive headache and I won't enjoy myself at all, but we don't really have that option.

No it doesn't. You get to decline. Send a nice gift, and make a date to see the couple soon after the honeymoon.

Nope, they are out of town and my spouse is in the wedding.

What is preventing spouse from going alone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Non kid weddings are the best!

I totally agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's just a sign of the selfishness and "me" culture of today. Weddings are supposed to be celebrations of union that you host for your family and friends, not a fete spotlighting the bridezilla. Sometime in the past 10 years or so, Americans have lost sight of that and now it's all "me, me, me!" at weddings -- god forbid a family member is not old enough to be "up to snuff," they will be disinvited.

It's really sad, but whatever. I am lucky that I don't have any friends who are horrible narcissists. I just skip weddings of relatives who have done this. Clearly my family's presence doesn't matter to them, as long as enough people show up that they can be the center of attention, I can't imagine they even care.

I agree with this completely but also apply it to parents who let their kids run around like maniacs, disturbing others in public, and then getting all bent out of shape when people say they don't want kids around. "Me me me" also = as long as Snowflake is having fun everyone else can go screw.

[Anonymous]

I think it is fine to exclude children. If it is local, I will likely find a babysitter and attend. If it is not, I will like decline because it is hard to set up a whole weekend of childcare and unless we are super good friends or close family, it isn't worth it. Either way, no hard feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't mind if people have no kid weddings, but it places an undue burden (financial, emotional, and otherwise) on people traveling for the wedding. We are in this tough situation with a few weddings right now. We don't have anyone to watch our child at home and bringing our child will make the logistics crazy and I'll probably miss the receptions. Hardly seems worth it to go for me since it will just be a huge expensive headache and I won't enjoy myself at all, but we don't really have that option.

No it doesn't. You get to decline. Send a nice gift, and make a date to see the couple soon after the honeymoon.

Nope, they are out of town and my spouse is in the wedding.

So send spouse and stay home with kids. The wedding couple does not have to accommodate your DC? DC is your responsibility not theirs.