My man introduced me to a guy i was previously intimate with. Help!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guy here... Listen to me. Deny it to the death. Say they must have you mixed up with someone else. Actually convince yourself it didn't happen. There is absolutely no upside to admitting it. Once you hypnotize yourself it didn't happen you will feel much better.

wow, marriage material right here, girls.

yup, and while we're at it, should you add OP into the growing ranks of women who can't understand why good guys don't want to date/marry them?

[Anonymous]

No good can come of dredging up this particular story for anyone. Now might be a good time to come clean with Ted and tell him that you were not quite honest when you said that you had never had one-nighters or whatever. I think you need to be honest about that fact that you've had more of a sexual history than you let on, though no way does he need to know ANY details or numbers. The fact that you were not honest is bothering you and can be a next step in your relationship. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a man and I feel that it's really not a big deal. She is not obligated to explain her previous sexual history to this guy. No one is obligated to do that unless it involves something that could affect the other person.

If he finds out and doesn't like it then he'll have to decide what he wants to do.

IMO, some of you are remarkably prudish.

Well being blind sided with this info after being told by Op that she hasn't been involved in any casual one nighters...would affect Ted, wouldn't it?

I'd been with my husband for 20 some years when I saw a guy that I had "met" in college years before. As it turns out, we didn't acknowledge each other even though there was recognition. Can you imagine how antsy I would have felt if I had lied to dh years ago and claimed that I had never done things like that in the past? As it was, I could relax and know that even if the guy said something it truly DID NOT matter.

Honesty is usually the best policy, IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No good can come of dredging up this particular story for anyone. Now might be a good time to come clean with Ted and tell him that you were not quite honest when you said that you had never had one-nighters or whatever. I think you need to be honest about that fact that you've had more of a sexual history than you let on, though no way does he need to know ANY details or numbers. The fact that you were not honest is bothering you and can be a next step in your relationship. Good luck.

Honesty - yes. Details - NO!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a man and I feel that it's really not a big deal. She is not obligated to explain her previous sexual history to this guy. No one is obligated to do that unless it involves something that could affect the other person.

If he finds out and doesn't like it then he'll have to decide what he wants to do.

IMO, some of you are remarkably prudish.

Well being blind sided with this info after being told by Op that she hasn't been involved in any casual one nighters...would affect Ted, wouldn't it?

I'd been with my husband for 20 some years when I saw a guy that I had "met" in college years before. As it turns out, we didn't acknowledge each other even though there was recognition. Can you imagine how antsy I would have felt if I had lied to dh years ago and claimed that I had never done things like that in the past? As it was, I could relax and know that even if the guy said something it truly DID NOT matter.

Honesty is usually the best policy, IMO.

Did he ask if she was invoked in any "casual one nighters" in the past? If she is smart, she did not lie, or give specifics -- especially if he seems to be judgmental about this sort of thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think they'll talk to everyone, except Ted, about it.

Like "I was at a party where that girl that Ted is dating sucked 36 dicks in one night, lololol."

But they won't say it to Ted. They'll just joke about it with everyone else, except him.

That's how guys talk.

+100

You are whore material and laughingstock in this crowd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a man and I feel that it's really not a big deal. She is not obligated to explain her previous sexual history to this guy. No one is obligated to do that unless it involves something that could affect the other person.

If he finds out and doesn't like it then he'll have to decide what he wants to do.

IMO, some of you are remarkably prudish.

Well being blind sided with this info after being told by Op that she hasn't been involved in any casual one nighters...would affect Ted, wouldn't it?

I'd been with my husband for 20 some years when I saw a guy that I had "met" in college years before. As it turns out, we didn't acknowledge each other even though there was recognition. Can you imagine how antsy I would have felt if I had lied to dh years ago and claimed that I had never done things like that in the past? As it was, I could relax and know that even if the guy said something it truly DID NOT matter.

Honesty is usually the best policy, IMO.

Did he ask if she was invoked in any "casual one nighters" in the past? If she is smart, she did not lie, or give specifics -- especially if he seems to be judgmental about this sort of thing.

Who knows? But Ted apparently has the impression that the Op has never engaged in those types of, um, activities. Op is aware that he has that impression and it is up to the Op to set the record straight. This doesn't mean a fall apart, lay it all out there confession. It's not something that she's proud of but it's a part of her past and really not something she should be evasive about. Much better than him "finding out".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think they'll talk to everyone, except Ted, about it.

Like "I was at a party where that girl that Ted is dating sucked 36 dicks in one night, lololol."

But they won't say it to Ted. They'll just joke about it with everyone else, except him.

That's how guys talk.

+100

You are whore material and laughingstock in this crowd.

He says as he books the stripper to come to the hotel room for his good buddy's bachelor party...

[Anonymous]

Getting drunk and giving head to men you just met at a sporting event is now considered "intimate."

You have no morals and you are a bad person. You should feel ashamed of yourself. Being drunk is no excuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think they'll talk to everyone, except Ted, about it.

Like "I was at a party where that girl that Ted is dating sucked 36 dicks in one night, lololol."

But they won't say it to Ted. They'll just joke about it with everyone else, except him.

That's how guys talk.

+100

You are whore material and laughingstock in this crowd.

He says as he books the stripper to come to the hotel room for his good buddy's bachelor party...

Strippers get paid for taking their clothes off slowly. Even strippers have boundaries. Hookers, like the OP, get paid to give head, but that's right, the OP didn't even get paid like a hooker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So this guy is a member of his firm correct? And I'm assuming the other guys you blew are as well? I so, or if they go to the same events frequently where there is drinking and talking, your bf has likely heard the story of the two girls who got drunk and gave them all blowjobs

Now you know why your "boyfriend" is with you. He knows you give head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What you are asking us is, "how do I keep my boyfriend from finding out who I really am so that he will continue to love the person I have told him I am?" The answer is, you don't. While I agree that there is no reason why everyone needs to bring up every sexual encounter they have ever had in a relationship, this is not just you glossing over the details of your past. You are being actively deceptive about the person that you have been in the past. If you don't think he can handle finding out who you really are and continue to treat you with affection, grace, and respect, then he is not the guy for you. Those things that you did are a part of who you are. It may not be a part that you are proud of, or even a big part, but it is something that happened in your life and made you who you are. If he wants the right to love the woman that you have become, then he needs to be man enough to love the woman that you had to be to get here. If he can't handle the basic idea that you have had a past, then he needs to be with someone who has truly not had one, not someone who is going to spend the rest of her life lying if she has to. That is no way to build a life.

Wonderful in the land of sunshine and rainbows. In the real world, men can be insecure children who want to stick their head in the sand and believe that their women were pure as the driven snow the day they met.

[Anonymous]

Deny deny deny and act disgusted he even thinks you could do this. If it ever comes out. I am a woman and agree with the earlier poster (a man) who said there is nothing to be gained by admiring it even worse telling him preemptively.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What you are asking us is, "how do I keep my boyfriend from finding out who I really am so that he will continue to love the person I have told him I am?" The answer is, you don't. While I agree that there is no reason why everyone needs to bring up every sexual encounter they have ever had in a relationship, this is not just you glossing over the details of your past. You are being actively deceptive about the person that you have been in the past. If you don't think he can handle finding out who you really are and continue to treat you with affection, grace, and respect, then he is not the guy for you. Those things that you did are a part of who you are. It may not be a part that you are proud of, or even a big part, but it is something that happened in your life and made you who you are. If he wants the right to love the woman that you have become, then he needs to be man enough to love the woman that you had to be to get here. If he can't handle the basic idea that you have had a past, then he needs to be with someone who has truly not had one, not someone who is going to spend the rest of her life lying if she has to. That is no way to build a life.

Wonderful in the land of sunshine and rainbows. In the real world, men can be insecure children who want to stick their head in the sand and believe that their women were pure as the driven snow the day they met.

There is a lot of ground in between being a virgin and giving blow jobs to multiple men you just just met all on the same night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What you are asking us is, "how do I keep my boyfriend from finding out who I really am so that he will continue to love the person I have told him I am?" The answer is, you don't. While I agree that there is no reason why everyone needs to bring up every sexual encounter they have ever had in a relationship, this is not just you glossing over the details of your past. You are being actively deceptive about the person that you have been in the past. If you don't think he can handle finding out who you really are and continue to treat you with affection, grace, and respect, then he is not the guy for you. Those things that you did are a part of who you are. It may not be a part that you are proud of, or even a big part, but it is something that happened in your life and made you who you are. If he wants the right to love the woman that you have become, then he needs to be man enough to love the woman that you had to be to get here. If he can't handle the basic idea that you have had a past, then he needs to be with someone who has truly not had one, not someone who is going to spend the rest of her life lying if she has to. That is no way to build a life.

Wonderful in the land of sunshine and rainbows. In the real world, men can be insecure children who want to stick their head in the sand and believe that their women were pure as the driven snow the day they met.

And this is an admirable quality in a man? No. Certainly he can hold out and wait (and wait) for his pure-as-the-driven-snow bride to materialize out of the mist. He has the right to do that if he so chooses. But, Op, life is too darned short to live a lie in my view. Much better to be up front about it. If he walks, he walks. Oh well. And he might walk because this was fairly recent behavior on Op's part - not some misjudgment that happened years ago. Again - this is not about laying everything out in sharp detail. A very general gist of things is fine.