S/o How can you minimize the chance your kid will get into drugs in high school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The school environment is a big one. If the school has a lot of extra curricular activities, clubs that appeal to all kids (sports, math, debate, science, computers etc...) they can find an interest with a similar group of friends. They can also find this in church or other religions organizations.

I am going to get flamed here but I really do think that a school with good a lot of student with high SES would be better in terms of bullying kids with non popular culture interests (no rap music, drugs etc..) and providing the above items. If there are a lot of low SES they are trying to provide the basic necessities, parents are not as involved and the above extra curricular items are not the focus. It

OMG, No rap music? Could you be more coded?

My DD went to a "top 3" private school where you can bet there were (1) bullying kids, and (2) the usual level of experimentation with drugs and alcohol, in spite of wealthy parents and loads of extracurricular activities. I know of no school that is immune or even "better." Its amazing the lengths some of the posters are going to trying to establish that their kids are somehow safe.

To be even more direct, no its not just black kids who drink and do drugs.

I went a mediocre catholic school in the area for high school and I agree with the PP you are quoting.

There were plenty of kids who did drugs and drank in excessive everyday and there were plenty of kids who did not. Overall the environment and culture of the school was driven by the kind of kids who attended. Whether you did drugs or not, doing well academically was expected as was going to college. This carries over to extracurricular being important, etc. So yes, I do think higher SES schools provide a better environment for kids being able to turn down drugs and alcohol in favor of academic or other achievements whereas a lower SES school, there might be no other achievements so why not do drugs?

[Anonymous]

Moving on, any suggestions on what is a good way to handle the finding weed and a bong in your teens room?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are some really helpful comments on this thread. Thank you. I could be the OP. I've never done drugs and didn't party in school, so I feel a bit clueless which exacerbates my fears. DH loves a good scotch but has never done any illegal drug.

Anyways, my very good friend is an ER doctor in Los Angeles, so she sees horrible horrible result of drug abuse practically every shift. Young people die in front of her or become vegetables (sp?) and btw one thing that's really rough is sometimes when if she knew what drug(s) it was she can make a difference in her patient's survival or brain damage, the friends clam up because they don't want to get in trouble. People's best friends just clam up and deny, deny, and their friend dies. Incredible.

Anyways, we've had talks about it as recently as last week.

She reminded me that the *most important thing* about all these conversations with your kids is NOT the message to not do drugs. That's the second most important message.

The most important takeaway that they can come to you if they mess up. They have to be able to have screwed up and tried some drug and then be able to come to you. If your tactics are solely about not trying the drug, it helps but if they DO try the drug, then the lying starts and they are getting no input or advice from you because they won't ask.

Relevant tangent: In December, I had a situation with my DD (a tween still in elementary) where she was getting bullied and she didn't tell me and I actually found out from this mom in LA! We were home for the holidays and my DD told her DD who told her mom. When I discussed it with my DD, she said, "I didn't want to tell you because you'd go call the principal and teacher and then those girls would get in trouble and then they'd really hate me and NEVER leave me alone." So we had to deal with those perceptions and lay that groundwork for her to tell me things and feel safe about it.

But it raises the same issue with respect to drugs: That your kids have to not be afraid of telling you for fear of getting in trouble or fear that the other kids will get in trouble...

This is incredibly important. The issue is safety far and above the "just say no" message.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Family Poverty
Family poverty is associated with a number of adverse conditions — high mobility and homelessness; hunger and food insecurity; parents who are in jail or absent; domestic violence; drug abuse and other problems — known as “toxic stressors” because they are severe, sustained and not buffered by supportive relationships (Shonkoff & Garner, 2012). Drawing on a diverse fields of medical, biological and social science, Shonkoff and Garner present an ecobiodevelopmental framework to show how toxic stress in early childhood leads to lasting impacts on learning (linguistic, cognitive and social-emotional skills), behavior and health. These impacts are likely manifested in some of the precursors to dropping out, including low achievement, chronic absenteeism and misbehavior, as well as a host of strategies, attitudes and behaviors — sometimes referred to as “noncogntive” skills — linked to school success (Farrington et al., 2012)

http://www.apa.org/pi/ses/resources/indicator/2013/05/poverty-dropouts.aspx

Keep trying. You may find more drug addicts in impoverished communities but I highly, highly doubt you will find more kids experimenting.

Your money will not keep your kids safe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder how many of you have teens. Advice like "don't let them hang out with the cool crowd," as if parents can or should dictate a 17 year-olds friends. Or the idea that you need to schedule them up so they don't have the opportunity. There is a big downside to over scheduling kids , not to mention that in high school they have more control over their schedule. There are plenty of kids in afterschool sports with heavy course loads, who also experiment with drugs and alcohol. Or the idea that kids who dabble must have some relative setting the example.

You can't erect a wall around them, which is what all this scheduling is trying to do. The most important thing is communication. And you won't have good communication with your child if you have such a simplistic sense of whats out there and how to deal with it.

Stats don't lie, most kids experiment. And most come out of that experience just fine. I am NOT condoning it, but I think you need to accept that fact and then decide how you are going to deal with it. And you have to understand that ultimately you are not in control.

Agree. I am both the daughter of a recovering alcoholic and now the mother of a recovering alcoholic. While the kid was growing up, I made it clear that people in our family are predisposed to addiction and that she had to be careful about her consumption of drugs and alcohol and that our family had turned to 12-step programs for help. When she went off to college, she realized that she was an alcoholic before we ever realized that she had a problem. She went through a long struggle and took time off from school and now is very engaged in the recovery community. Communicating with your kid is no guarantee that the kid won't have problems or that the kid will learn to address their problems in a healthy manner. We were extremely lucky that dd took the steps she did. But it's very important to talk to your kid and if you have a history of addiction in the family, discuss it with your kid. It's for their own protection.

[Anonymous]

Research shows that the rate of drug use and drug addiction is higher among white teens than it is among African-American teens. African-American teens and Asian-American teens have the lowest rate of use among US teens.

Seriously, folks, keeping your kids away from rap music will not protect them from drugs. In fact, I wonder if they might be safer at at Banneker (the majority black magnet high school where the kids work really hard) than in an exclusive private school full of well-to-do white kids.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/08/teen-drug-and-alcohol-use_n_1082219.html

"There is certainly still a myth out there that black kids are more likely to have problems with drugs than white kids, and this documents as clearly as any study we're aware of that the rate of ... substance-related disorders among African American youths is significantly lower," Dan Blazer from Duke's Department of Psychiatry, a senior author of the study, told the Raleigh News & Observer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:are you kidding me? My kids are at a #1 school with almost no FARMS kids. They tell me half the kids in the school are smoking pot. Yes the athletes, yes the drama student, yes, yes, yes.

I know, right? People are kidding themselves. The denial is real.

[Anonymous]

The school environment is a big one. If the school has a lot of extra curricular activities, clubs that appeal to all kids (sports, math, debate, science, computers etc...) they can find an interest with a similar group of friends. They can also find this in church or other religions organizations.

I am going to get flamed here but I really do think that a school with good a lot of student with high SES would be better in terms of bullying kids with non popular culture interests (no rap music, drugs etc..) and providing the above items. If there are a lot of low SES they are trying to provide the basic necessities, parents are not as involved and the above extra curricular items are not the focus. It

What a ridiculous comment. The biggest differences between teens who experiment who are poor and teens who experiment who are of a higher SES is that people with involved, wealthy parents have the resources to keep their kids out of jail, and parents who will do everything to make sure that is the case. There is more of a cushion if they get caught. So if a poor kid gets caught up in the same experimentation that wealthy kid might, there is less of a safety net, less savvy parents working the system, and less bias from law enforcement. If anything, higher SES kids have more disposable income to spend on drugs. Also, there are plenty of parents who have such demanding jobs that it is really difficult for them to monitor and hover over their kids, so it's not like that issue is unique to low SES families.

Also, this rap music thing is nonesense. Rap is mainstream now, and all teenagers (yes, even wealthy teenagers from Bethesda) listen to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The school environment is a big one. If the school has a lot of extra curricular activities, clubs that appeal to all kids (sports, math, debate, science, computers etc...) they can find an interest with a similar group of friends. They can also find this in church or other religions organizations.

I am going to get flamed here but I really do think that a school with good a lot of student with high SES would be better in terms of bullying kids with non popular culture interests (no rap music, drugs etc..) and providing the above items. If there are a lot of low SES they are trying to provide the basic necessities, parents are not as involved and the above extra curricular items are not the focus. It

OMG, No rap music? Could you be more coded?

My DD went to a "top 3" private school where you can bet there were (1) bullying kids, and (2) the usual level of experimentation with drugs and alcohol, in spite of wealthy parents and loads of extracurricular activities. I know of no school that is immune or even "better." Its amazing the lengths some of the posters are going to trying to establish that their kids are somehow safe.

To be even more direct, no its not just black kids who drink and do drugs.

I think you missed my point, I said that in schools with a rich variety of extracurricular activities there isn't a dominant group of kids bullying those that take academic interests over popular culture such as rap music. Point being, if the kid doesn't like rap music they won't be at risk of being bullied for liking computers or another activity.

1) Are there drugs and bullying in private schools or high ses schools of course.

2) Are there more in lower SES schools absolutely.

As a parent you reduce risk and option 1 is less of a risk.

Just different drugs. I went to school in the US in the 80s. Public school is to pot as private school is to cocaine.

oh so you went to both? Please enlighten us of what it was like 30 years a go.

Yes. I did. Elite private through half of eleventh, and then ordinary public thereafter. Taught high school in the inner city in this country in the 90's and I can say that there was less pot and less money there than there was in the suburban high school Id attended 10 years earlier. You can think what you like, but I would bet good money that things haven't changed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My child is still in elementary school, but I can already tell you that there is a group of "mean girls" who constantly text each other every day. They text mean things about lots of girls in the grade and they text a lot. I predict that these girls will be into drugs, etc. Clearly from this young age they have 1) lots of free time to text b/c they aren't kept busy enough 2) they have a desire to act nasty in a group (follower mentality that endures many to try drugs) and 3) parents who don't monitor what they're doing.
I try to parent my DD in exactly the opposite way. No guarantee it will work, but I can already see the seeds of negative teen behaviors with some of these young kids.

Add to this that the mean girls are often actually insecure due to troubled home lives. This underscores the need to be on top of your kids mental health and friendships. A Washington post article last week about Heroin scared the bleep out of me because this kid was an very competitive swimmer (i.e. very busy) in Bethesda. He does however explain that he always felt lonely and wanted to fit in.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/national/health-science/a-suburban-heroin-addict-describes-his-brush-with-death-and-his-hopes-for-a-better-life/2014/02/07/bd769b8e-8ea1-11e3-b46a-5a3d0d2130da_story.html

Wow, thanks for posting this. Very brave of Ben to write. It's helpful to know what it's like, and chilling to know that he can't even be in his hometown for fear of a relapse. I think focusing on mental health and wellness also helps. People need to learn how to cope. At our DCPS school the kids are learning to center themselves. Yoga, meditation, exercise, affirmations are all things that people use to cope. I think volunteering and having a sense of purpose is vital.

[Anonymous]

pp here, it's helpful to know what *addiction* is like

[Anonymous]

Keep close tabs on the available cash in the house. More money = more opportunities to buy drugs, especially more hard core/more addictive drugs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

The school environment is a big one. If the school has a lot of extra curricular activities, clubs that appeal to all kids (sports, math, debate, science, computers etc...) they can find an interest with a similar group of friends. They can also find this in church or other religions organizations.

I am going to get flamed here but I really do think that a school with good a lot of student with high SES would be better in terms of bullying kids with non popular culture interests (no rap music, drugs etc..) and providing the above items. If there are a lot of low SES they are trying to provide the basic necessities, parents are not as involved and the above extra curricular items are not the focus. It

What a ridiculous comment. The biggest differences between teens who experiment who are poor and teens who experiment who are of a higher SES is that people with involved, wealthy parents have the resources to keep their kids out of jail, and parents who will do everything to make sure that is the case. There is more of a cushion if they get caught. So if a poor kid gets caught up in the same experimentation that wealthy kid might, there is less of a safety net, less savvy parents working the system, and less bias from law enforcement. If anything, higher SES kids have more disposable income to spend on drugs. Also, there are plenty of parents who have such demanding jobs that it is really difficult for them to monitor and hover over their kids, so it's not like that issue is unique to low SES families.

Also, this rap music thing is nonesense. Rap is mainstream now, and all teenagers (yes, even wealthy teenagers from Bethesda) listen to it.

Do you think the low ses family will pay for rehab and focus more time on helping their kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are some really helpful comments on this thread. Thank you. I could be the OP. I've never done drugs and didn't party in school, so I feel a bit clueless which exacerbates my fears. DH loves a good scotch but has never done any illegal drug.

Anyways, my very good friend is an ER doctor in Los Angeles, so she sees horrible horrible result of drug abuse practically every shift. Young people die in front of her or become vegetables (sp?) and btw one thing that's really rough is sometimes when if she knew what drug(s) it was she can make a difference in her patient's survival or brain damage, the friends clam up because they don't want to get in trouble. People's best friends just clam up and deny, deny, and their friend dies. Incredible.

Anyways, we've had talks about it as recently as last week.

She reminded me that the *most important thing* about all these conversations with your kids is NOT the message to not do drugs. That's the second most important message.

The most important takeaway that they can come to you if they mess up. They have to be able to have screwed up and tried some drug and then be able to come to you. If your tactics are solely about not trying the drug, it helps but if they DO try the drug, then the lying starts and they are getting no input or advice from you because they won't ask.

Relevant tangent: In December, I had a situation with my DD (a tween still in elementary) where she was getting bullied and she didn't tell me and I actually found out from this mom in LA! We were home for the holidays and my DD told her DD who told her mom. When I discussed it with my DD, she said, "I didn't want to tell you because you'd go call the principal and teacher and then those girls would get in trouble and then they'd really hate me and NEVER leave me alone." So we had to deal with those perceptions and lay that groundwork for her to tell me things and feel safe about it.

But it raises the same issue with respect to drugs: That your kids have to not be afraid of telling you for fear of getting in trouble or fear that the other kids will get in trouble...

Thank you for sharing your doctor friend's advice.

[Anonymous]

I read the linked article. Very good. For this young man, the key to staying off drugs inthe future is to
Stay away from Bethesda.

Bethesda.

That really rough town.