S/o How can you minimize the chance your kid will get into drugs in high school?

[Anonymous]

And for God's sake, OP, don't lead with this "I know I'm a prude" nonsense. You are already coming from a place of weakness when you think that way, and essentially give your kids the idea that if they don't do drugs, they'll be prudes, too. Come from a position of strength. I never tried an illegal drug. I'm not self-righteous about it, but it's a fact. It was against the law, I didn't want to mess with my brain, etc. Help them to know that saying no is something to be proud of.

[Anonymous]

Think carefully about the example you set. If your family's social events are always well-lubricated affairs, you can be sure your kids are taking note. Do you make a big deal about cocktail hour? Post pics of your cocktails on Facebook? Does everyone think it's hilarious when uncle john gets drunk at Christmas? There's nothing inherently wrong with any of this, but know that your kids are noting that drinking is fun and an expected part of socializing.

I'm not a teetotaler; I have a beer or a glass of wine several evenings per week. But mostly my kids see mom cooking dinner or washing dishes while casually sipping some wine. Nothing exciting or fun about it. We don't drink much at family gatherings--it's just not a part of our family culture. When we socialize with friends, the activity revolves around food or games/cards, not drinking. I really do think this matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And for God's sake, OP, don't lead with this "I know I'm a prude" nonsense. You are already coming from a place of weakness when you think that way, and essentially give your kids the idea that if they don't do drugs, they'll be prudes, too. Come from a position of strength. I never tried an illegal drug. I'm not self-righteous about it, but it's a fact. It was against the law, I didn't want to mess with my brain, etc. Help them to know that saying no is something to be proud of.

I totally agree with this. It is illegal for my kids to drink or use drugs. Full stop. That's how I approach this issue. I would never tacitly or openly condone shoplifting or look the other way if my kids were doing it. As far as I'm concerned, drinking is no different. It's against the law.

The stats are very clear that the older kids are before they drink or use drugs, the lower the risk of drug or alcohol abuse. My goal is to help delay their exposure for as long as I can. (It is also not true that kids who delay drinking are more likely to "let loose" in college--research shows exactly the opposite is true.) I myself did not drink until I went to college, so I know it's not an impossible goal. Will I be shocked if my teen drinks? No, but you can be damn sure I won't be happy about it--and he will know that, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have no idea how to do it. When I was in HS I had wine with parents at dinner at home for special occasions (bdays and holidays) and having alcohol with them was just not a big deal or taboo. There was no indenture to rebel and have crappy beer with other kids instead. They never served anyone else's kids and parents and kids were always at the same table. I was pretty shy and nerdy in hs and just didn't have friends into drugs so no one pressured me to try. It just didn't occur to me to bother trying for the same of trying.

Are you my husband?? hey come home and stop Dcuming!

[Anonymous]

Don't let them hang out with the cool party crowd. There is no reason kids need to use alcohol and drugs.

[Anonymous]

I wonder how many of you have teens. Advice like "don't let them hang out with the cool crowd," as if parents can or should dictate a 17 year-olds friends. Or the idea that you need to schedule them up so they don't have the opportunity. There is a big downside to over scheduling kids , not to mention that in high school they have more control over their schedule. There are plenty of kids in afterschool sports with heavy course loads, who also experiment with drugs and alcohol. Or the idea that kids who dabble must have some relative setting the example.

You can't erect a wall around them, which is what all this scheduling is trying to do. The most important thing is communication. And you won't have good communication with your child if you have such a simplistic sense of whats out there and how to deal with it.

Stats don't lie, most kids experiment. And most come out of that experience just fine. I am NOT condoning it, but I think you need to accept that fact and then decide how you are going to deal with it. And you have to understand that ultimately you are not in control.

[Anonymous]

Just an FYI, my son asked to try weed at home the summer before 12th grade. I initially said no, then during Christmas break bought weed from someone I know who grows and we made pot brownies which he ate at home. He found it very anti-climactic and didn't do it again.

[Anonymous]

Echo keep them busy and give them responsibility. Remind them constantly what they have to lose if they get mixed up in bad stuff. Remind them they can have fun without it and help them see that by encouraging wholesome activities. Also, know their friends. Drive the carpools, let them invite friends over, be the hangout place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just an FYI, my son asked to try weed at home the summer before 12th grade. I initially said no, then during Christmas break bought weed from someone I know who grows and we made pot brownies which he ate at home. He found it very anti-climactic and didn't do it again.

This sounds horrible. How can a parent provide illegal drugs to her child. This makes me sick.

[Anonymous]

If I find my kids with any pot, I will confiscate it, and destroy it. By burning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My child is still in elementary school, but I can already tell you that there is a group of "mean girls" who constantly text each other every day. They text mean things about lots of girls in the grade and they text a lot. I predict that these girls will be into drugs, etc. Clearly from this young age they have 1) lots of free time to text b/c they aren't kept busy enough 2) they have a desire to act nasty in a group (follower mentality that endures many to try drugs) and 3) parents who don't monitor what they're doing.
I try to parent my DD in exactly the opposite way. No guarantee it will work, but I can already see the seeds of negative teen behaviors with some of these young kids.

I love the idea that you are going to keep your kids so busy that they have no time to text.

[Anonymous]

One thing we're adamant about that's not very popular among parents: between DH and me, one of us is always 100% alcohol-free if we need to drive anywhere or if one of the teens is out on the weekend (in case teen calls needing a ride home). Bottom line is that we never ever drink and drive. Not one drink.

[Anonymous]

Keep them busy, but have dinner with your kids every night. Seriously. There are studies that show that having dinner with your children every night correlates very highly with kids who do not do drugs. Probably because this means 1) the parents are around, 2) kids and parents are forced to communicate with each other, 3) kids feel secure and loved, despite their grumbling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My child is still in elementary school, but I can already tell you that there is a group of "mean girls" who constantly text each other every day. They text mean things about lots of girls in the grade and they text a lot. I predict that these girls will be into drugs, etc. Clearly from this young age they have 1) lots of free time to text b/c they aren't kept busy enough 2) they have a desire to act nasty in a group (follower mentality that endures many to try drugs) and 3) parents who don't monitor what they're doing.
I try to parent my DD in exactly the opposite way. No guarantee it will work, but I can already see the seeds of negative teen behaviors with some of these young kids.

If you think only the mean kids try drugs, you are mistaken. If you think you can keep a child from texting, or should, you are mistaken.

Really these mean girls have nothing to do with the issue in this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder how many of you have teens. Advice like "don't let them hang out with the cool crowd," as if parents can or should dictate a 17 year-olds friends. Or the idea that you need to schedule them up so they don't have the opportunity. There is a big downside to over scheduling kids , not to mention that in high school they have more control over their schedule. There are plenty of kids in afterschool sports with heavy course loads, who also experiment with drugs and alcohol. Or the idea that kids who dabble must have some relative setting the example.

You can't erect a wall around them, which is what all this scheduling is trying to do. The most important thing is communication. And you won't have good communication with your child if you have such a simplistic sense of whats out there and how to deal with it.

Stats don't lie, most kids experiment. And most come out of that experience just fine. I am NOT condoning it, but I think you need to accept that fact and then decide how you are going to deal with it. And you have to understand that ultimately you are not in control.

+1 I have read all the responses, about keeping children busy, spending family time with them, etc., and I would have thought they sounded like good ideas, until I became one of those parents who was shocked to learn that their child was using drugs. I can tell you that a lot of kids feel that pot use is no big deal and that it is less serious than alcohol use. I'm not talking about kids we may have called 'stoners' in our day, I'm talking about the kids on the soccer, lacrosse, and baseball teams, honor roll, AP and IB students, kids who you would consider to be leaders at their schools. These are kids who DO have dinner with their families at night, who DO have 'involved' parents, who do everything that one would think would possibly prevent drug use by their kids.

Unless you are constantly with your kids, you have no guarantee that they aren't experimenting or using. They could be doing it after sports practice, after work, when they are at a study group, at a friend's house, or when they go to a sporting event or a school dance with friends. If kids want to use, they will find a way, and the only thing we can do is make it harder for them to do so.

Parents, let your teens know in no uncertain terms that how much you disapprove of drug use and that you DO feel that using pot is a big deal. Point out to them the legal consequences of getting caught with drugs, and how it can interfere with their college plans and future job prospects. Even the smartest teen doesn't always consider how their carelessness could impact their future. And if you do find out they are using, give them consequences and make them earn your trust back.

And, yes, remember that it really is ultimately out of your control. When your child goes to college, they will be doing what they want, when they want, and that is a tough thing to learn to accept. But you must.