S/o How can you minimize the chance your kid will get into drugs in high school?

[Anonymous]

Any been there, done that parents who have good advice on how to keep kids away from drugs? I know I sound like a total prude. I'm not against pot in concept, but I don't want my kids smoking it in high school. Alcohol either. They can do what they want when they turn 18/21. Pot will be legal by then, too.

I just watch the teens in the neighborhood now, who are involved in drugs, and their academic lives are going to hell. It's a higher income neighborhood where parents just throw money at their kids, if that matters.

[Anonymous]

Keep them busy: sports (many sports have zero tolerance policies), religion, some activity they enjoy that take a lot of time and attracts "good kids."

[Anonymous]

I often talk to my kids about not doing drugs and why it's so important not to even try them. MCPS did a bang up job of scarring my kids about smoking and drugs. I am also very aware of my children's mental health needs. I would rather that my kids not self-medicate if I can get them the help they need.

[Anonymous]

The fact is that most, though not all, teens experiment with drugs and alcohol at some point in high school. And while there are plenty of kids who get into trouble by wading in too deep, there are many high achieving kids who have dabbled. There are many good kids who have dabbled. I suspect there are posters here who dabbled as teens with no real harm done.

I recommend Lessons of a B- by Wendy Mogel. Very sensible advice.

[Anonymous]

My kids are in middle school and I have on-going frank conversations about alcohol and drug use. I note that it has been found to be particularly damaging to developing brains and that I never used drugs myself because the potential downsides outweighed the upsides. So far, they've seemed to respond to that. We've also discussed the way to turn down an offer of drugs or alcohol if it ever comes up. We've also made it clear that they are to call us ASAP if they ever find themselves in an uncomfortable position. We will be proud of them for making the right choice of seeking help when they feel in over their heads.

[Anonymous]

I have no idea how to do it. When I was in HS I had wine with parents at dinner at home for special occasions (bdays and holidays) and having alcohol with them was just not a big deal or taboo. There was no indenture to rebel and have crappy beer with other kids instead. They never served anyone else's kids and parents and kids were always at the same table. I was pretty shy and nerdy in hs and just didn't have friends into drugs so no one pressured me to try. It just didn't occur to me to bother trying for the same of trying.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the one poster....keep them as busy as possible. In summers, establish a routine, ie, make 'em work! Idle time generates a big opportunity. Yes, working = money = opportunity. But, I would bet most kids are sly enough to ASK parents for the $$$ for drugs/alcohol. And their success rate is very high.
Also, talk to them - stress what happens if they are caught, loss of license, extracurricular stuff at school, etc etc etc. They will still do it, but, as a parent, you tried. Finally, SNOOP! Their cell is your cell, their bedroom is simply a room in your HOUSE. Set some rules and expectations, and some consequences. And then hope for the best!

[Anonymous]

I'll add another component - be an involved parent. In this day of cell phones, we no longer no the names of our kids' friends' parents. Don't worry about embarassing them - call that other parent and ask if they'll be home when your daughter is coming to spend the night. Ask about access to alcohol.

Be awake when they get home and hold your kids accountable for curfew. Don't let your kids know they can come home high or drunk because you'll already be asleep.

Make your house the hang-out house. And be awake and aware of what's happening in your house.

I read somewhere, don't have time to find the stats, that kids' first use of alcohol or drugs and first experiences with sex usually occur between the hours of 3 and 6pm. This goes to the importance of keeping your kid busy. If she/he is on a sports team or in the school play or at their after school job, they won't be at home getting into trouble while you are at work.

Telling you all of this from experience.

[Anonymous]

I think that most kids start to drink/use drugs socially to fit in with a peer group, and most kids, if given a choice, would not choose to do so on their own. I encourage my kids to have many activities so they have different social circles that allows them to leave a bad group of kids but not be lonely.

[Anonymous]

I have found this thread to be very helpful.
Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll add another component - be an involved parent. In this day of cell phones, we no longer no the names of our kids' friends' parents. Don't worry about embarassing them - call that other parent and ask if they'll be home when your daughter is coming to spend the night. Ask about access to alcohol.

Be awake when they get home and hold your kids accountable for curfew. Don't let your kids know they can come home high or drunk because you'll already be asleep.

Make your house the hang-out house. And be awake and aware of what's happening in your house.

I read somewhere, don't have time to find the stats, that kids' first use of alcohol or drugs and first experiences with sex usually occur between the hours of 3 and 6pm. This goes to the importance of keeping your kid busy. If she/he is on a sports team or in the school play or at their after school job, they won't be at home getting into trouble while you are at work.

Telling you all of this from experience.

All of this is great advice. Don't be put off by people who say this is helicopter parenting. There is a huge difference between helicopter parenting and what this poster describes, which is appropriate monitoring and involvement. Think of it as scaffolding to help your child make good decisions while his brain and decisionmaking capabilities continue to develop.

I would also add that helping kids find and develop passions or interests -- things they are good at that give them a boost in genuine self-esteem and confidence -- is a real gift, one that helps them be happy not just in childhood and adolescence, but in adulthood.

[Anonymous]

My child is still in elementary school, but I can already tell you that there is a group of "mean girls" who constantly text each other every day. They text mean things about lots of girls in the grade and they text a lot. I predict that these girls will be into drugs, etc. Clearly from this young age they have 1) lots of free time to text b/c they aren't kept busy enough 2) they have a desire to act nasty in a group (follower mentality that endures many to try drugs) and 3) parents who don't monitor what they're doing.
I try to parent my DD in exactly the opposite way. No guarantee it will work, but I can already see the seeds of negative teen behaviors with some of these young kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My child is still in elementary school, but I can already tell you that there is a group of "mean girls" who constantly text each other every day. They text mean things about lots of girls in the grade and they text a lot. I predict that these girls will be into drugs, etc. Clearly from this young age they have 1) lots of free time to text b/c they aren't kept busy enough 2) they have a desire to act nasty in a group (follower mentality that endures many to try drugs) and 3) parents who don't monitor what they're doing.
I try to parent my DD in exactly the opposite way. No guarantee it will work, but I can already see the seeds of negative teen behaviors with some of these young kids.

Add to this that the mean girls are often actually insecure due to troubled home lives. This underscores the need to be on top of your kids mental health and friendships. A Washington post article last week about Heroin scared the bleep out of me because this kid was an very competitive swimmer (i.e. very busy) in Bethesda. He does however explain that he always felt lonely and wanted to fit in.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/national/health-science/a-suburban-heroin-addict-describes-his-brush-with-death-and-his-hopes-for-a-better-life/2014/02/07/bd769b8e-8ea1-11e3-b46a-5a3d0d2130da_story.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My child is still in elementary school, but I can already tell you that there is a group of "mean girls" who constantly text each other every day. They text mean things about lots of girls in the grade and they text a lot. I predict that these girls will be into drugs, etc. Clearly from this young age they have 1) lots of free time to text b/c they aren't kept busy enough 2) they have a desire to act nasty in a group (follower mentality that endures many to try drugs) and 3) parents who don't monitor what they're doing.
I try to parent my DD in exactly the opposite way. No guarantee it will work, but I can already see the seeds of negative teen behaviors with some of these young kids.

Add to this that the mean girls are often actually insecure due to troubled home lives. This underscores the need to be on top of your kids mental health and friendships. A Washington post article last week about Heroin scared the bleep out of me because this kid was an very competitive swimmer (i.e. very busy) in Bethesda. He does however explain that he always felt lonely and wanted to fit in.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/national/health-science/a-suburban-heroin-addict-describes-his-brush-with-death-and-his-hopes-for-a-better-life/2014/02/07/bd769b8e-8ea1-11e3-b46a-5a3d0d2130da_story.html

I totally believe this. I can already see this with elementary children acting out, because they are overbooked and desperately want to control something (anything) in their lives. It is scary to see.

There has to be a happy medium between finding your talents and overbooking them Tiger mom style.

[Anonymous]

Keep the kids busy and make sure they have responsibilities. Sports and part time jobs are good ideas. Also, be present. The kids who get caught up in drugs are the kids who have too much money, little supervision, and not enough to do; they're bored.