My kid is not smart
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Anonymous
Right. Marry the right guy; divorce and get 12K a month, she should be able to do o.k. 
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Anonymous
Im glad to hear from a teacher. I don't get a lot of access to teachers!! I honestly didn't think 50k was a liveable salary. Maybe it is... cant imagine how, but good to know! I know she does not have to live in this area, which could help. As to pushing her to be something shes not, I am actually trying to do the exact opposite. That's why I am looking for help on what the average kid who is not the high IQ/ivy bound kid does. I just don't know. Does a kid who is academically pretty disinterested, who gets C's generally speaking, head to college? I don't want to let her "try it out" just so she can go party, which is all she really talks about when it comes to college. And no, she really absolutely hates school (which is based partially on the fact that she really struggles, and partially on a pretty terrible school experience to date because of her illness, juggling school has always been incredibly hard, which makes it hard to like school). She really does not like ANY subjects, she tolerates them at best. When the school told me her test results, I didn't react with either disdain or surprise. I live with this kid, its not hard for me to realize on my own that she's not super bright.  And honestly, I know people think I am put off by her low IQ, but I swear I don't care!!!! I just am trying to guide her with little tools to do that.
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Anonymous
OP. The sad thing is, other people in my extended family have alluded to as much. "She'll land a doctor and be fine". It sickens me. |
Anonymous
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Is she being treated for her ADHD?
My DD has inattentive ADHD and it really hampers her ability to demonstrate what she can do intellectually and academically. ADHD also brings with it difficulties relating to everyday, non-academic life, as I'm sure you know.
I would focus on getting her all the supports and lifeskills you can related to ADHD. Agreed that there are lots of fulfilling careers that take advantage of her social/emotional intelligence, but managing the ADHD is key. |
Anonymous
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Yes people with C's go to college. They go on to be just as successful as A students.
Can you talk to the neuropsychologist that did her testing and look at her subs and to do some career analysis. I agree you need help, you may want to call asdec.org to see if hey can refer you to somebody. http://www.asdec.org/Default.aspx?pageId=1597680 Have you done any therapy you sound like you have caretakers fatigue. |
Anonymous
She only has 2 ADHD drugs she can take due to her illness (the others have interaction issues with one of the other 9 meds she is on for her illness). We spent 2 years juggling those 2 meds, and they didn't work. We suspect other meds would work, but her nephrologist and rheumatologist teams say that she can't take them. I wish she could. But yes, her ADHD is a huge struggle and we are trying other non-medicinal ways to treat it. We've altered her diet, added some supplements her psychologist suggested, added a gym membership where she works out consistently, etc. its just really hard without meds, although we continue to try. Mine is inattentive as well. It's such a bear. Some days she makes me crack up, and some days I swear I am tearing my hair out
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Anonymous
Her mother was the phi beta kappa who collects the alimony. Her mother was never a bad student. It's not like people plan on getting divorced either... And my brother is the one who left the marriage. It's just ingrained sexism that makes people say that and nowadays, the majority of students in med schools are women. Ignore them. |
Anonymous
OP, this is the PP who wrote about my younger brother. He does tend to rely heavily on family for advice and moral support-- i don't know how open your DD is to your advice, but my brother has always been pretty open to taking advice from his family. My parents really pushed him to go to college and get a four year degree. In some ways I've often thought they pushed him too hard academically, but-- he made it, with a lot of assistance from them and from his college's learning support center. He made extensive use of their tutoring services, counseling, etc. The toughest thing for him were the math and language requirements-- he ended up withdrawing from those classes a few times because he was failing, and he finished college in five years as a result. But he kept at it. He is now in a public sector social services job-- he works with at-risk kids. He struggled a bit initially with all the paperwork requirements, whuch are very heavy, but he really loves working with kids and I think he has a lot of insight and empathy, as well as a huge commitment to helping. I have actually also often thought he might be a good fit for some military jobs-- not as an officer, perhaps, becuase there too you need to be very on top of details to succeed-- but in some specialized enlisted roles, eg, Navy or some such: needless to say, the military has chefs, photographers, mechanics, medical assistants, you name it in addition to people in combat fields, He likes and needs structure, likes and needs feeling like he is part of a team, etc. He just wasn't interested in going in that direction, though. I sometimes think my parents should have let him make his own mistakes more. I watched from a distance and sometimes felt they just did not give him enough credit: they were so convinced he would fail if they did not tightly control and support him that they would never let him go out on any limbs. Sometimes I felt that they should just give him more space to do things his way. Maybe he would have failed, but so what? He would learn form his mistakes. And maybe he would have surprised them by succeeding. With your DD, does she have thoughts of her own about what she wants and likes? It may be that you just need to ease up: let her guide you. |
Anonymous
We are in the same situation. Have you tried meditation? There are some apps.
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Anonymous
yeah, I know...you can tell I am at the end of my rope, huh? I am. I am tired, tired tired. Physically and moreso emotionally. Im trying to focus more on taking care of myself, but I admit I suck at it. I know C students go to college, but I wonder about C students like my daughter who really truly are disinterested in academics. Do they go to college too? thanks for the link I will check it out. |
Anonymous
In fact we are trying meditation! We just downloaded an app about 2 weeks ago. I cant tell if its working or not, but we will try just about anything. She is doing yoga classes at the gym as well. |
Anonymous
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OP, can you enroll your daughter in a private school, even one for special needs kids? It might be usefeul, as you and she think about college, to see how she manages high school. Unless her illness just makes it impossible I think it might really help her get a betetr sense of what she wants to do.
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Anonymous
Yes. We'll I did. I hate school. I hate reading. I had no real interests. I sort of fell into IT. It took my 5 years to graduate. I probably should have taken even less classes at one time. My kid drives me crazy too.. I do yoga. I did therapy for a while |
Anonymous
She has lots of thoughts of her own. But like any teenager, they change every day. She wants to work in fashion one day, be a counselor for teenagers the next It changes constantly. And that's ok...I know that's normal. I can totally see my daughter going the exact path as your brother. In the end, working with people to help them in some way. And I struggle tremendously every day with how much to support her and how much to let her fail on her own. But I do consider that she isn't the "average" teenager. She's going a pretty serious disease which has impacted her life tremendously. And ADHD (as well as issues with working memory as well as issues with writing (not at the level of dysgraphia, but definitely pronounced). An then on top of all that, she's a teenager! Which is damn hard enough. So where do I let her fail and where do I prop her up? I don't know...sometimes I do too little, and sometimes I am sure I do too much. My only hope is that in the end it all evens out and its just enough
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Anonymous
| While I do think the op is open minded and reasonable, this whole post is so bizarre. Not everybody's smart. In my family, my mom is not that bright but hard working and did well in school; worked as a nurse her whole life. My dad is smart but joined the military and didn't finish college until I was also in college. I and my middle brother are more academic and took what OP is considering the expected route through college and grad school while my older brother went to cooking school, floated around for a bit, joined the military and ended up in private security and my younger sister did arts college and works for a designer. There are so many different paths in life! Even 15 yrs ago, when I was graduating high school, we weren't expected to know everything we wanted out of life. I think being responsible for oneself is the motivator many kids are missing. |