My kid is not smart

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Support her in any way you can.you seemed to be worried about her ability to make money (corporate job you mentioned), why don't you just let her get a job she likes and let her do it well.Help her by saving for her retirement yourself.Leave you Roth to her if you have one or open one for her.

I am extremely focused on raising a daughter who can support HERSELF. I don't care if she makes the money I do, what I care about is that she is self-sufficient. Sure, she could get a job she loves and make a pittance of a salary. And be on welfare, or living reliant upon her husband's salary. Not going to happen to a daughter of mine. She will wind up doing something she loves, but absolutely not at the expense of not making enough to support herself. And she is of the same mindset.

The issue I have is that in my experience, there's lots of support for college bound kids with career tracks. We have the additional burden of her not having access to a public high school where she can have access to guidance counselors etc So everything that probably happens in terms of support for decisions for graduating high schoolers, has to be done in my living room. And that's where I am looking for resources to help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks~

Her people skills are really really good already. She has a part time job as a hostess at a restaurant on the weekends, and really enjoys being around people ALL the time. She's really chatty, even with adults who are total strangers.

So while she does not have the intelligence, she definitely has other gifts...(and beauty, which honestly I know will help her out!-does that sound awful too?? lol)

I grew up in a blue collar community. Stuff that young women who weren't cut out for school, but had good people skills did -- EMT (who eventually went on to be a paramedic), hair dresser (who went on to own her own salon), secretary, dance teacher, nanny, daycare worker (who went on to manage the entire daycare), police officer, probation officer, drug/alcohol counselor, lawn business, cleaning business, photographer (who went on to own her own photography business doing weddings and such).

A four year degree isn't for everyone.

I also know a bunch of people who went in the military.

OP. Gosh could this kid use the military. She can't because of her disease, (and probably wouldn't want to anyway) but man it would be so good for her
This is my concern about the careers you listed: can those careers really pay enough to support yourself? I don't care if she does a job as a daycare worker, but there's no way in hell that is paying the bills.

I'll be honest that I am very worried that because she is very pretty, she could easily wind up being "taken care of". And right now with her boyfriends in the past she seems to be pretty darn happy with that role. That's my biggest fear. Fast forward 30 years and she is divorced with kids, with no skills, and on her own. I know SO many people in that position, and its terrifying for them. She's too young and naiive to see that far ahead at this point. while she's getting older, she's not old enough yet that I can just "let her be".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks~

Her people skills are really really good already. She has a part time job as a hostess at a restaurant on the weekends, and really enjoys being around people ALL the time. She's really chatty, even with adults who are total strangers.

So while she does not have the intelligence, she definitely has other gifts...(and beauty, which honestly I know will help her out!-does that sound awful too?? lol)

I grew up in a blue collar community. Stuff that young women who weren't cut out for school, but had good people skills did -- EMT (who eventually went on to be a paramedic), hair dresser (who went on to own her own salon), secretary, dance teacher, nanny, daycare worker (who went on to manage the entire daycare), police officer, probation officer, drug/alcohol counselor, lawn business, cleaning business, photographer (who went on to own her own photography business doing weddings and such).

A four year degree isn't for everyone.

I also know a bunch of people who went in the military.

OP. Gosh could this kid use the military. She can't because of her disease, (and probably wouldn't want to anyway) but man it would be so good for her
This is my concern about the careers you listed: can those careers really pay enough to support yourself? I don't care if she does a job as a daycare worker, but there's no way in hell that is paying the bills.

I'll be honest that I am very worried that because she is very pretty, she could easily wind up being "taken care of". And right now with her boyfriends in the past she seems to be pretty darn happy with that role. That's my biggest fear. Fast forward 30 years and she is divorced with kids, with no skills, and on her own. I know SO many people in that position, and its terrifying for them. She's too young and naiive to see that far ahead at this point. while she's getting older, she's not old enough yet that I can just "let her be".

Ugh, you REALLY don't have much faith in your daughter's future!

[Anonymous]

Do you homeschool her?

I think the reason your post is off putting is the attitude that people with average IQs are not college material, and can't be as successful as you.

IQ and success are not correlated once you are in the average or above range.

I think it may be detrimental to your daughter if you express your opinion to her the way you are here.

I actually don't think you should treat her college process any different than your other children. Going to school is a skill, being good at it does not help you with anything except doing well at school, it does not make you a better employee or employer.

You should google a+ schools for b students.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks~

Her people skills are really really good already. She has a part time job as a hostess at a restaurant on the weekends, and really enjoys being around people ALL the time. She's really chatty, even with adults who are total strangers.

So while she does not have the intelligence, she definitely has other gifts...(and beauty, which honestly I know will help her out!-does that sound awful too?? lol)

I grew up in a blue collar community. Stuff that young women who weren't cut out for school, but had good people skills did -- EMT (who eventually went on to be a paramedic), hair dresser (who went on to own her own salon), secretary, dance teacher, nanny, daycare worker (who went on to manage the entire daycare), police officer, probation officer, drug/alcohol counselor, lawn business, cleaning business, photographer (who went on to own her own photography business doing weddings and such).

A four year degree isn't for everyone.

I also know a bunch of people who went in the military.

OP. Gosh could this kid use the military. She can't because of her disease, (and probably wouldn't want to anyway) but man it would be so good for her
This is my concern about the careers you listed: can those careers really pay enough to support yourself? I don't care if she does a job as a daycare worker, but there's no way in hell that is paying the bills.

I'll be honest that I am very worried that because she is very pretty, she could easily wind up being "taken care of". And right now with her boyfriends in the past she seems to be pretty darn happy with that role. That's my biggest fear. Fast forward 30 years and she is divorced with kids, with no skills, and on her own. I know SO many people in that position, and its terrifying for them. She's too young and naiive to see that far ahead at this point. while she's getting older, she's not old enough yet that I can just "let her be".

At entry level, most of those jobs I listed pay around $20,000 - $25,000 per year. However, if you look at their career paths - going from stylist to salon owner, going from EMT to paramedic, going from from daycare worker to manager, they start paying more in the $36,000 to $50,000 range.

If you go to the BLS website, it will give you average pay and job outlook for a ton of careers. Here's the example for EMT:
http://www.bls.gov/ooh/healthcare/emts-and-paramedics.htm

She might also like a job like radiologic technician. It pays REALLY well and requires a LOT of people skills. Here's the BLS listing for that:
http://www.bls.gov/ooh/healthcare/radiologic-technologists.htm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Flight attendant sounds like a great option. I always thought that's something I would have enjoyed myself if I hadn't gone to college. Don't know if she enjoys working with her hands at all but maybe also something in the beauty industry (aesthetician, hair dresser, etc)?

low average intelligence; good people skills, lacks college degree = flight attendant

[Anonymous]

She could be a sonographer, either in a breast center or for pregnancies. It's a 2-year certificate program.

[Anonymous]

OP you don't really say much about whether or not she's successful in school, just that she tested low average and isn't as amazingly smart like the rest of you.

1) what grade is she in
2) what courses is she taking (college prep or no? Any AP classes)
3) does she show any interest in college?
4) assuming you are in the DMV where is she in hs? Not the exact school but an idea (a W school, a hoco hs etc)
5) are you willing/could you be full pay at a lac?

[Anonymous]

Op just do some of the many free online career aptitude tests (not the joke ones) and see if after doing a few a pattern emerges. She might learn something about herself from doing them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you homeschool her?

I think the reason your post is off putting is the attitude that people with average IQs are not college material, and can't be as successful as you.

IQ and success are not correlated once you are in the average or above range.

I think it may be detrimental to your daughter if you express your opinion to her the way you are here.

I actually don't think you should treat her college process any different than your other children. Going to school is a skill, being good at it does not help you with anything except doing well at school, it does not make you a better employee or employer.

You should google a+ schools for b students.

No, we have her in a private online high school. We considered homeschool but I personally don't think I could do it on my end.

Look, perhaps I am just not clearly saying what I am asking for and where I am coming from. I KNOW that having a high IQ does not necessarily mean success, and vice versa. All I am saying, is that my OWN personal experience in my OWN family is that when we got to the point my daughter is at (where we were deciding upon "next steps" after I was graduating from high school), I was in a VERY different position than I find myself in today with my own daughter. I was a student with a high IQ, coming from parents with a high IQ, with a future that was decided upon in advance. There was no question that I was going to college, the only discussions were about where I was going to college.

I find myself in the position of having a child who potentially may NOT take that route. Not only does she have a lower end IQ, she also has ADHD to complicate things. And she isn't a B student, she is a C student at best. And I am ill-equipped to help her, because I don't know where to start. We don't have access to a high school guidance counselor or career center to talk this all out. I don't even know if its okay that she does NOT go to college. All the statistics I read show college graduates making 50% more income than non college grads. it scares me to think she might not go, if that's the case.
This post is not about me being pretentious and being disappointed in my daughter. I am NOT disappointed. I am just unfamiliar with the territory I find myself in. I don't think everyone on this board is smart, not smart, or anywhere in between. Im just seeking out someone in my position who knows of resources I can use to help my kid.
I cant understand what is so offensive about this question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks~

Her people skills are really really good already. She has a part time job as a hostess at a restaurant on the weekends, and really enjoys being around people ALL the time. She's really chatty, even with adults who are total strangers.

So while she does not have the intelligence, she definitely has other gifts...(and beauty, which honestly I know will help her out!-does that sound awful too?? lol)

I grew up in a blue collar community. Stuff that young women who weren't cut out for school, but had good people skills did -- EMT (who eventually went on to be a paramedic), hair dresser (who went on to own her own salon), secretary, dance teacher, nanny, daycare worker (who went on to manage the entire daycare), police officer, probation officer, drug/alcohol counselor, lawn business, cleaning business, photographer (who went on to own her own photography business doing weddings and such).

A four year degree isn't for everyone.

I also know a bunch of people who went in the military.

OP. Gosh could this kid use the military. She can't because of her disease, (and probably wouldn't want to anyway) but man it would be so good for her
This is my concern about the careers you listed: can those careers really pay enough to support yourself? I don't care if she does a job as a daycare worker, but there's no way in hell that is paying the bills.

I'll be honest that I am very worried that because she is very pretty, she could easily wind up being "taken care of". And right now with her boyfriends in the past she seems to be pretty darn happy with that role. That's my biggest fear. Fast forward 30 years and she is divorced with kids, with no skills, and on her own. I know SO many people in that position, and its terrifying for them. She's too young and naiive to see that far ahead at this point. while she's getting older, she's not old enough yet that I can just "let her be".

At entry level, most of those jobs I listed pay around $20,000 - $25,000 per year. However, if you look at their career paths - going from stylist to salon owner, going from EMT to paramedic, going from from daycare worker to manager, they start paying more in the $36,000 to $50,000 range.

If you go to the BLS website, it will give you average pay and job outlook for a ton of careers. Here's the example for EMT:
http://www.bls.gov/ooh/healthcare/emts-and-paramedics.htm

She might also like a job like radiologic technician. It pays REALLY well and requires a LOT of people skills. Here's the BLS listing for that:
http://www.bls.gov/ooh/healthcare/radiologic-technologists.htm

Thanks!!
Can you really survive okay (on your own) with $50k? It sounds low to be self sufficient?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Flight attendant sounds like a great option. I always thought that's something I would have enjoyed myself if I hadn't gone to college. Don't know if she enjoys working with her hands at all but maybe also something in the beauty industry (aesthetician, hair dresser, etc)?

low average intelligence; good people skills, lacks college degree = flight attendant

I'm the pp with the niece with low avg IQ. My sil, her mother, is a flight attendant. She also graduated phi beta kappa from UC Berkley and collects alimony for life from my brother, currently 12k a month, a smart cookie, no?!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you don't really say much about whether or not she's successful in school, just that she tested low average and isn't as amazingly smart like the rest of you.

1) what grade is she in
2) what courses is she taking (college prep or no? Any AP classes)
3) does she show any interest in college?
4) assuming you are in the DMV where is she in hs? Not the exact school but an idea (a W school, a hoco hs etc)
5) are you willing/could you be full pay at a lac?

Geez, you were almost helpful here. Just saying that I have a high IQ, as do my parents, makes me boastful about being "amazingly smart?"
IQ is just fact, its not a judgment statement.

Argh.

She is 16, in 11th grade. She is a C student at best. She is in a college track set of courses at an online high school. She wants to go to college, although (like many kids who want to go to college) much of her interest is social.
She isn't in public high school.
We can pay for some level of college. Not an Ivy, but that's not an issue.

[Anonymous]

OP you sound like a loving supportive mom. Find a private guidance counselor. Also contact your local public school and see if you have access to the counselors. Maybe also contact homeschool group and see what resources they use.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Flight attendant sounds like a great option. I always thought that's something I would have enjoyed myself if I hadn't gone to college. Don't know if she enjoys working with her hands at all but maybe also something in the beauty industry (aesthetician, hair dresser, etc)?

low average intelligence; good people skills, lacks college degree = flight attendant

I'm the pp with the niece with low avg IQ. My sil, her mother, is a flight attendant. She also graduated phi beta kappa from UC Berkley and collects alimony for life from my brother, currently 12k a month, a smart cookie, no?!?

I find that hard to believe.