Unmarried men, at what age is something seriously amiss?

[Anonymous]

In my late 20s/early 30s, dated four different men in their early 40s who had never been married. Now, a decade later, they are still not married—and certainly never will be. Two great guys I went on a few dates with who were between 35 and 39 both got married before 40, and it was clear that they really really wanted to get married, have kids, and felt the pressure of age,and got their act together. That being said, I know one ‘late in life’ couple who got married (their first time, each) in their early 40s. Too late for kids, though.

[Anonymous]

Personally, I had an experience with someone who turned out to be very irresponsible with money. It was only after a couple of years that I realized the extent of it and broke it off, which put me dangerously close to the thirties cut off some of you think is appropriate. By all means, let's set some arbitrary age by which people should be married or considered damaged goods. That's productive.

[Anonymous]

It has never occurred to me to think of an age "cut-off." I find the concept silly. Some people have perfectly good reasons for putting off marriage, including: (1) not wanting it yet (but changing perspective later); (2) career, (3) not meeting the right person. Someone who is courting later due to any of those 3 factors is in fact more grounded and mature than others. I'd rather be 40 and single than 31 and reeling from a bitter divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It has never occurred to me to think of an age "cut-off." I find the concept silly. Some people have perfectly good reasons for putting off marriage, including: (1) not wanting it yet (but changing perspective later); (2) career, (3) not meeting the right person. Someone who is courting later due to any of those 3 factors is in fact more grounded and mature than others. I'd rather be 40 and single than 31 and reeling from a bitter divorce.

[Anonymous]

A good friend of DHs is 36, owner of a very successful business, very fit and decent-looking, and single (the only single person remaining in our group of friends). He's had multiple relationships over the years - never longer than a year. I think he's a great guy but recently we've also started to wonder if being single at this age is a 'red flag' for potential partners. But - he's a very driven person, does what he wants when he wants, and has crazy expectations for relationships and thus marriage. I know he'd like to find someone, but I don't think he's lonely or missing out, per se. Not everyone is meant to be in a long-term relationship or marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:45

Completely and utterly. Although I would probably change my mind if he'd been in a very serious long term relationship.

Otherwise, red flags, sirens, high alert.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A good friend of DHs is 36, owner of a very successful business, very fit and decent-looking, and single (the only single person remaining in our group of friends). He's had multiple relationships over the years - never longer than a year. I think he's a great guy but recently we've also started to wonder if being single at this age is a 'red flag' for potential partners. But - he's a very driven person, does what he wants when he wants, and has crazy expectations for relationships and thus marriage. I know he'd like to find someone, but I don't think he's lonely or missing out, per se. Not everyone is meant to be in a long-term relationship or marriage.

My control freak ex was like your friend. Mr. Perfect was Hyde behind closed doors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A good friend of DHs is 36, owner of a very successful business, very fit and decent-looking, and single (the only single person remaining in our group of friends). He's had multiple relationships over the years - never longer than a year. I think he's a great guy but recently we've also started to wonder if being single at this age is a 'red flag' for potential partners. But - he's a very driven person, does what he wants when he wants, and has crazy expectations for relationships and thus marriage. I know he'd like to find someone, but I don't think he's lonely or missing out, per se. Not everyone is meant to be in a long-term relationship or marriage.

My control freak ex was like your friend. Mr. Perfect was Hyde behind closed doors.

As a 30yr old woman, that would be my fear as well.

[Anonymous]

This is the wrong question. The correct question is why do so many men willingly get married. What is amiss with them? Because emotionally, financially and in all other ways, it's just as likely to be a bum deal as a good thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After 28, I expect a man to date for the purpose of looking to settle down. Before that it is for everything else but marriage.

By 35 - he is not marriage material.

Wha??? What small town in a flyover state are you from?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I married my husband when he was 38 (I was younger). He honestly had just never found the right person. He is an exceptional dad, a great husband, he has a good, interesting job, and he does all the laundry. I wouldn't write off a bachelor at any age.

+1. Except mine does dishes instead of laundry. I was 34 when we got married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In your opinion, if a man is I married, but typical background (college, maybe masters or grad school, healthy dating background) no long trips or absences. At what point do you begin to thing it's that either he doesn't want to be married or is not marriage material?

If a man is married I'd say he is married and is marriage material.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the wrong question. The correct question is why do so many men willingly get married. What is amiss with them? Because emotionally, financially and in all other ways, it's just as likely to be a bum deal as a good thing.

Statistically, married men are happier and wealthier than their unmarried peers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the wrong question. The correct question is why do so many men willingly get married. What is amiss with them? Because emotionally, financially and in all other ways, it's just as likely to be a bum deal as a good thing.

Why? It's a pretty great deal for my H. He gets sex whenever he wants; his household income doubled and he has kids without doing the lion's share of the work.

[Anonymous]

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