Husband Turned Catholic on Me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You Catholic haters should move to Pakistan where they would slap the burka off your stupid head.

Falling back to sexist racist stereotypes shows that you have no argument.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, why don't you and the kids go with dh to church, before you decide it's so horrible??? At least try it.

Instead, go with DH to mass on a Saturday evening, keep the kids at home, get a sitter, go to dinner afterward and discuss your concerns between the two of you. Catholicism is a big, big commitment, and a lot of work, which is one of the reasons that I left.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, why don't you and the kids go with dh to church, before you decide it's so horrible??? At least try it.

Instead, go with DH to mass on a Saturday evening, keep the kids at home, get a sitter, go to dinner afterward and discuss your concerns between the two of you. Catholicism is a big, big commitment, and a lot of work, which is one of the reasons that I left.

I wouldn't say that it is a big commitment and a lot of work. I'm no longer Catholic but when I was I just went when I felt like it.

[Anonymous]

You can't handle two hours alone with your kids? You're angry that he's gone?

Are you serious?

[Anonymous]

On the logistics front, I'm sure you could work out a mass schedule that works for you both. Perhaps you'd like a dedicated two- hour period on Saturday or some other time to do something important to you?

As for the religion, you did choose to marry a man who Catholic, albeit non-practicing. I'm sure you put thought into that at the time, and perhaps you could think back to those conversations with your DH or to your thinking at the time.

I will also put in a shameless plug for Holy Trinity in Georgetown. Gets to the core of the religion as far as I'm concerned, and is more accepting than most churches I've been to in the area. Last month we prayed a special intention that people not be discriminated against, including a specific reference to sexual orientation-based discrimination. Today's special intentions included prayers for immigration reform, the South Sudanese and the homeless, with particular encouragement for families to help with the church's winter shelter. A very strong emphasis on service and civic responsibility to care for all of those less fortunate. You might be surprised at what you and your husband find at Holy Trinity.

One question for you is how you would hope your husband would respond if you found a faith or world view that you believed to be true, a d that you found comfort, strength, and some form of ethical or moral organizing principal? Personally, I string believe that religious freedom has been sought for centuries. E cause it is crucial to our identities as human beings as one of the ultimate expressions of free will. As a result, I respect my DH's religious beliefs (he's not Catholic) and am thankful that he respects mine. That view, of course, is vomi g from someone who us religious, and I understand may not ring as true for those who are not.

I hope your family finds a way through this that you can all live with comfortably and respectfully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On the logistics front, I'm sure you could work out a mass schedule that works for you both. Perhaps you'd like a dedicated two- hour period on Saturday or some other time to do something important to you?

As for the religion, you did choose to marry a man who Catholic, albeit non-practicing. I'm sure you put thought into that at the time, and perhaps you could think back to those conversations with your DH or to your thinking at the time.

I will also put in a shameless plug for Holy Trinity in Georgetown. Gets to the core of the religion as far as I'm concerned, and is more accepting than most churches I've been to in the area. Last month we prayed a special intention that people not be discriminated against, including a specific reference to sexual orientation-based discrimination. Today's special intentions included prayers for immigration reform, the South Sudanese and the homeless, with particular encouragement for families to help with the church's winter shelter. A very strong emphasis on service and civic responsibility to care for all of those less fortunate. You might be surprised at what you and your husband find at Holy Trinity.

One question for you is how you would hope your husband would respond if you found a faith or world view that you believed to be true, a d that you found comfort, strength, and some form of ethical or moral organizing principal? Personally, I string believe that religious freedom has been sought for centuries. E cause it is crucial to our identities as human beings as one of the ultimate expressions of free will. As a result, I respect my DH's religious beliefs (he's not Catholic) and am thankful that he respects mine. That view, of course, is vomi g from someone who us religious, and I understand may not ring as true for those who are not.

I hope your family finds a way through this that you can all live with comfortably and respectfully.

Apologies for all my typos !

[Anonymous]

OP here. Here is what I know from my years of marriage to my DH. He attended Catholic schools, as did his parents and grand-parents and he strongly identifies with the Church culturally. He is of Polish-American heritage, so the Catholicism also plays into his strong sense of Polish - American ethnic identity. He says he strongly believes in what he sees as the Church's social mission - to educate the ignorant, feed the hungry, clothe the naked, take care of the sick, etc. He is conflicted about issues like abortion (not birth control though), and can see how there is a human rights argument to be made for protecting the unborn, as well as the aged and sick when it comes to issues like euthanasia. As far as the whole marriage equality thing goes, he has friends who are gay, says gay marriage is a civil not a religious matter and that no one - gay or straight - needs to be married in the Church.

I grew up in a basically atheist family and have no religious upbringing or background. I just don't understand what he would find he needs in the Church. I am able to get along without God.

[Anonymous]

He found a way to get time to himself on Sunday.

Pick a church with a service at 7am. Even if it's the Church of Starbucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Here is what I know from my years of marriage to my DH. He attended Catholic schools, as did his parents and grand-parents and he strongly identifies with the Church culturally. He is of Polish-American heritage, so the Catholicism also plays into his strong sense of Polish - American ethnic identity. He says he strongly believes in what he sees as the Church's social mission - to educate the ignorant, feed the hungry, clothe the naked, take care of the sick, etc. He is conflicted about issues like abortion (not birth control though), and can see how there is a human rights argument to be made for protecting the unborn, as well as the aged and sick when it comes to issues like euthanasia. As far as the whole marriage equality thing goes, he has friends who are gay, says gay marriage is a civil not a religious matter and that no one - gay or straight - needs to be married in the Church.

I grew up in a basically atheist family and have no religious upbringing or background. I just don't understand what he would find he needs in the Church. I am able to get along without God.

Would you read what you just wrote? He sounds like a nice guy. You don't understand why he "needs" the Church- he probably doesn't understand why you can "get along without God."
Is he angry with you about your atheism? It sounds like you don't respect his beliefs. That is a problem. He apparently respects yours. There's more to your fury than you are telling us.

[Anonymous]

I can completely understand what the OP is saying. It would bother me if, after a long time being married, my husband made a big decision like this (yes, it's a big decision) that impacted me, and left me out of it. There's a lot going on here, and just because it's church doesn't mean he gets to unilaterally made decisions that affect other people in the house and changes the dynamics of one of only two weekend days. Add to that the extra issue of the fact that is a religious issue where perhaps she thought they saw eye to eye on it only to discover they don't, that's a lot to digest.

[Anonymous]

NP here. I would get to a marriage counselor and work out how you are going to handle his spiritual practice, his expectations of you, and the raising of your children.

I grew up Catholic, left the church, would not chosen a Catholic partner, and would never allow my children to be taken to a Catholic church, CCD, a Catholic school, or taught to be Catholic. A conversion (or renewal of faith) on the part of my husband in this regard would be the cause for some serious conversations that would be best facilitated by a marriage counselor. He (my DH) is a non-practicing Episcopalian, and the same would be true if he wanted us to start going to church with him. (Going to church on his own would be fine with me, if I had a different block of time during the week for my own use.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Here is what I know from my years of marriage to my DH. He attended Catholic schools, as did his parents and grand-parents and he strongly identifies with the Church culturally. He is of Polish-American heritage, so the Catholicism also plays into his strong sense of Polish - American ethnic identity. He says he strongly believes in what he sees as the Church's social mission - to educate the ignorant, feed the hungry, clothe the naked, take care of the sick, etc. He is conflicted about issues like abortion (not birth control though), and can see how there is a human rights argument to be made for protecting the unborn, as well as the aged and sick when it comes to issues like euthanasia. As far as the whole marriage equality thing goes, he has friends who are gay, says gay marriage is a civil not a religious matter and that no one - gay or straight - needs to be married in the Church.

I grew up in a basically atheist family and have no religious upbringing or background. I just don't understand what he would find he needs in the Church. I am able to get along without God.

Does being atheist mean that you are completely closed minded to anyone who does not believe like you? OR does it just mean that only your belief system is valid and your husband does not need to have any spiritual needs of his own unless they are approved by you? You sound as narrow minded and bigoted as some of the most narrow minded and bigoted religious people. Only your religion is the church of atheism.

I think you need counseling OP. Your husband sounds like a good person. Did you even read what you wrote?

[Anonymous]

I totally feel for you, OP. I'm married to a Catholic - family is South American and he attended 12 years of Catholic school including all boy HS. I initially agreed to be married in the Catholic church. DH wanted the priest for whom he'd been an altar boy to marry us. We started taking the classes and, honestly, neither of us could continue. We couldn't agree to have a "Catholic" marriage and were, therefore, married by a clergywoman of a different faith.

My DH sounds a lot like yours. I think the Catholic Church has done great things for the impoverished and for social justice for some groups. A PP wrote that most Catholics don't agree with the more conservative aspects of Catholic church and just ignore what they don't like. That's not acceptable to the church. I did learn a lot about the Catholic Church and I know that the church would not consider those peoples to be Catholics in good standing and that they should not take communion - (and it says so on every program. DH still considers himself Catholic but he was not allowed to take communion at his mother's funeral. We tried a number of other churches but DH missed the rituals of the Catholic Church. It felt comforting and familiar to him. I get that. But, I'm not willing to teach our kids one thing and the church tell them something else.

It wouldn't bother me so much if my DH returned to church but it would bother me greatly if he made a unilateral decision to go to the 11AM mass on Sundays. I agree with a PP who suggested talking to him about what need is fulfilled by the church and how both of your needs could be met. If it were me, I could total seeing this sending us back to relationship counseling. I just can't see supporting an organization that is so diametrically opposed to and working against some issues that I feel so strongly about. There must be a different way to meet his needs. Hugs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Here is what I know from my years of marriage to my DH. He attended Catholic schools, as did his parents and grand-parents and he strongly identifies with the Church culturally. He is of Polish-American heritage, so the Catholicism also plays into his strong sense of Polish - American ethnic identity. He says he strongly believes in what he sees as the Church's social mission - to educate the ignorant, feed the hungry, clothe the naked, take care of the sick, etc. He is conflicted about issues like abortion (not birth control though), and can see how there is a human rights argument to be made for protecting the unborn, as well as the aged and sick when it comes to issues like euthanasia. As far as the whole marriage equality thing goes, he has friends who are gay, says gay marriage is a civil not a religious matter and that no one - gay or straight - needs to be married in the Church.

I grew up in a basically atheist family and have no religious upbringing or background. I just don't understand what he would find he needs in the Church. I am able to get along without God.

Ok, so you knew all of this going into the marriage, married him and NOW want to change the rules?

Sorry, it won't work. Find a mass time that works better for you, but you can't begrudge the fact now that you married a Catholic man who comes from a very Catholic family.

You should note that "educate the ignorant" isn't a social mission of the church. I am sure your DH picks up on your anti-Catholic version of something that is important to him. As a good Catholic he most likely will agree to go to a priest for counseling if you decide to go that route.

[Anonymous]

Actually, instructing the ignorant us among the corporal works of mercy. So, yes it is part of the social mission of the Church.