SIL and family want to "vacation" at our house next summer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell them you'd be happy to recommend a hotel nearby.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How would you like it if your husband said you couldn't have your brother/sister/mom/dad visit? One week out of 52 is not a big deal and they don't come every year so suck it up. And why not ask them if they could take care of dinner on the days you have to work.

Then DH should take the week off, plan the itinerary, buy and prepare the meals, and from what OPs decription says, be prepared to look after bratty nephew while his sis and BIL ignore him. As long as her DH is willing to do this, then bring them on! But it sounds like he's expecting her to take care of this.

[Anonymous]

Dear SIL,
We would love to have you visit us and the Nation's Capitol next summer. Unfortunately our house really isn't set up for visitors, but I would be happy to recommend some convenient hotels nearby. Our schedule is busy during the summer, so please be sure to let me know well in advance when you are coming so I can try to schedule as much time as possible to visit with you. These weeks are particularly good/bad:
We look forward to seeing you!
Regards,
SIL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I think you suck it up--with caveats. First, until they tell you when they are coming, you plan your summer as you normally would, and you don't change things if they announce when they are coming without consulting you first. If you've booked the beach house, too bad. If you've signed your daughter up for a camp, too bad. If you've promised to work during the day, too bad.

Second, you do not have to entertain them while they are here. It's DC, for God's sake. Give them a guidebook and a Metro map and let them entertain themselves.

Third, your husband helps plan, prepare, and entertain. If he doesn't, then he can't complain about what you do.

In other words, be a gracious host, but don't be a doormat. Don't make trouble where it doesn't exist yet, but don't feel that you have to bend yourself into a pretzel or slave away for them.

I totally agree. If they don't like to spend much time with you when you're visiting your MIL, why would they spend much time with you when they're in DC? I get along well with my family but rarely get to spend time with them when they visit here. I get them the bus schedules, let them know when I leave for/from work and offer to drop them off at the metro at those times. I let them know what days I'll be making dinner and let them know what they can make for themselves from the fridge. The expectation should be they accommodate your schedule, not you catering to theirs.

This. And, OP, please be gracious in front of your children. Elevate this entire thing...from your posts you are playing into it by being a drama queen.

[Anonymous]

OP's home is not a vacation home. And as such, it was a bit presumptuous of the SIL to "book" a week like a rental guest.

OP is free to offer her home to visitors, but I think it was rude for SIL to put OP on the spot like that. Now OP has to be the bad guy and say "no" to this or offer a miserly weekend stay, or say nothing and suffer through it...

If SIL wants her family to vacation in DC, SHE should plan one - including her own accommodations. Then if OP would like to OFFER her house to this family for part or all of their stay, OP can do so without feeling pressured to do so.

[Anonymous]

I don't get your beef with this at all. They're family, they're visiting from someplace that is pretty far to travel from with the whole family for just a weekend.

If you don't like being with them, set up itineraries for sightseeing that they can do on their own. If it's too hard for your child, continue sending her to camp for the day.

If you don't like to cook, ask if they will help with the meal planning and cooking and keep the meals simple.

It's one week, not a multiple weeks.

Maybe this is a cultural thing to not be gracious to family visits. I don't understand it and it would not fly AT ALL in my culture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't get your beef with this at all. They're family, they're visiting from someplace that is pretty far to travel from with the whole family for just a weekend.

If you don't like being with them, set up itineraries for sightseeing that they can do on their own. If it's too hard for your child, continue sending her to camp for the day.

If you don't like to cook, ask if they will help with the meal planning and cooking and keep the meals simple.

It's one week, not a multiple weeks.

Maybe this is a cultural thing to not be gracious to family visits. I don't understand it and it would not fly AT ALL in my culture.

So in your culture you just get to tell people you are coming to their house for an entire week that YOU have picked, not knowing what your relatives have planned OR would like?
You just tell people that you are coming to their house?
Really?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't get your beef with this at all. They're family, they're visiting from someplace that is pretty far to travel from with the whole family for just a weekend.

If you don't like being with them, set up itineraries for sightseeing that they can do on their own. If it's too hard for your child, continue sending her to camp for the day.

If you don't like to cook, ask if they will help with the meal planning and cooking and keep the meals simple.

It's one week, not a multiple weeks.

Maybe this is a cultural thing to not be gracious to family visits. I don't understand it and it would not fly AT ALL in my culture.

Obviously someone with little experience outside her own little world. I know it's difficult for you to put yourself in someone else's shoes but you should really try. If you don't understand issues like this, don't comment on them because you add nothing of value.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't get your beef with this at all. They're family, they're visiting from someplace that is pretty far to travel from with the whole family for just a weekend.

If you don't like being with them, set up itineraries for sightseeing that they can do on their own. If it's too hard for your child, continue sending her to camp for the day.

If you don't like to cook, ask if they will help with the meal planning and cooking and keep the meals simple.

It's one week, not a multiple weeks.

Maybe this is a cultural thing to not be gracious to family visits. I don't understand it and it would not fly AT ALL in my culture.

What backwards culture is that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't get your beef with this at all. They're family, they're visiting from someplace that is pretty far to travel from with the whole family for just a weekend.

If you don't like being with them, set up itineraries for sightseeing that they can do on their own. If it's too hard for your child, continue sending her to camp for the day.

If you don't like to cook, ask if they will help with the meal planning and cooking and keep the meals simple.

It's one week, not a multiple weeks.

Maybe this is a cultural thing to not be gracious to family visits. I don't understand it and it would not fly AT ALL in my culture.

I agree with this. I find it incredibly rude of op and others here to find sending them to a hotel and flatting out refusing their to host so rude. But then, you can take someone out of the ghetto but you can't take the ghetto out of people....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get your beef with this at all. They're family, they're visiting from someplace that is pretty far to travel from with the whole family for just a weekend.

If you don't like being with them, set up itineraries for sightseeing that they can do on their own. If it's too hard for your child, continue sending her to camp for the day.

If you don't like to cook, ask if they will help with the meal planning and cooking and keep the meals simple.

It's one week, not a multiple weeks.

Maybe this is a cultural thing to not be gracious to family visits. I don't understand it and it would not fly AT ALL in my culture.

I agree with this. I find it incredibly rude of op and others here to find sending them to a hotel and flatting out refusing their to host so rude. But then, you can take someone out of the ghetto but you can't take the ghetto out of people....

+1. This is family not some random acquaintance. My family, my father, both brothers and their wives and kids will be visiting and staying with us for a week for Christmas. I'm very excited about the visit, my DH not so much but he is willing to be a gracious host b/c that's what he was taught growing up - to be gracious to one's guests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get your beef with this at all. They're family, they're visiting from someplace that is pretty far to travel from with the whole family for just a weekend.

If you don't like being with them, set up itineraries for sightseeing that they can do on their own. If it's too hard for your child, continue sending her to camp for the day.

If you don't like to cook, ask if they will help with the meal planning and cooking and keep the meals simple.

It's one week, not a multiple weeks.

Maybe this is a cultural thing to not be gracious to family visits. I don't understand it and it would not fly AT ALL in my culture.

I agree with this. I find it incredibly rude of op and others here to find sending them to a hotel and flatting out refusing their to host so rude. But then, you can take someone out of the ghetto but you can't take the ghetto out of people....

+1. This is family not some random acquaintance. My family, my father, both brothers and their wives and kids will be visiting and staying with us for a week for Christmas. I'm very excited about the visit, my DH not so much but he is willing to be a gracious host b/c that's what he was taught growing up - to be gracious to one's guests.

Did they call you and inform you that they were coming to your house for a week? Or were you making holiday plans and this is what you all collectively decided? I think there's a difference between what you're describing and what the OP has described.

I can't imagine planning a vacation and then inviting myself over to someone's home for an entire random week during the summer. It's nice that you're so flexible with your house guests but I don't think it's rude if others aren't up for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get your beef with this at all. They're family, they're visiting from someplace that is pretty far to travel from with the whole family for just a weekend.

If you don't like being with them, set up itineraries for sightseeing that they can do on their own. If it's too hard for your child, continue sending her to camp for the day.

If you don't like to cook, ask if they will help with the meal planning and cooking and keep the meals simple.

It's one week, not a multiple weeks.

Maybe this is a cultural thing to not be gracious to family visits. I don't understand it and it would not fly AT ALL in my culture.

I agree with this. I find it incredibly rude of op and others here to find sending them to a hotel and flatting out refusing their to host so rude. But then, you can take someone out of the ghetto but you can't take the ghetto out of people....

+1. This is family not some random acquaintance. My family, my father, both brothers and their wives and kids will be visiting and staying with us for a week for Christmas. I'm very excited about the visit, my DH not so much but he is willing to be a gracious host b/c that's what he was taught growing up - to be gracious to one's guests.

Did they call you and inform you that they were coming to your house for a week? Or were you making holiday plans and this is what you all collectively decided? I think there's a difference between what you're describing and what the OP has described.

I can't imagine planning a vacation and then inviting myself over to someone's home for an entire random week during the summer. It's nice that you're so flexible with your house guests but I don't think it's rude if others aren't up for that.

My dad called and informed me this was the plan. Fine with me. My father will be flying in from Asia. He will be spending his time in the US staying with relatives and friends. My mother passed away this year very unexpectedly. They had been married for 50 yrs. Very happy he's coming and my brothers and their families too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get your beef with this at all. They're family, they're visiting from someplace that is pretty far to travel from with the whole family for just a weekend.

If you don't like being with them, set up itineraries for sightseeing that they can do on their own. If it's too hard for your child, continue sending her to camp for the day.

If you don't like to cook, ask if they will help with the meal planning and cooking and keep the meals simple.

It's one week, not a multiple weeks.

Maybe this is a cultural thing to not be gracious to family visits. I don't understand it and it would not fly AT ALL in my culture.

I agree with this. I find it incredibly rude of op and others here to find sending them to a hotel and flatting out refusing their to host so rude. But then, you can take someone out of the ghetto but you can't take the ghetto out of people....

+1. This is family not some random acquaintance. My family, my father, both brothers and their wives and kids will be visiting and staying with us for a week for Christmas. I'm very excited about the visit, my DH not so much but he is willing to be a gracious host b/c that's what he was taught growing up - to be gracious to one's guests.

Did they call you and inform you that they were coming to your house for a week? Or were you making holiday plans and this is what you all collectively decided? I think there's a difference between what you're describing and what the OP has described.

I can't imagine planning a vacation and then inviting myself over to someone's home for an entire random week during the summer. It's nice that you're so flexible with your house guests but I don't think it's rude if others aren't up for that.

My dad called and informed me this was the plan. Fine with me. My father will be flying in from Asia. He will be spending his time in the US staying with relatives and friends. My mother passed away this year very unexpectedly. They had been married for 50 yrs. Very happy he's coming and my brothers and their families too.

O.k., still a little bit different than the OP's scenario. Hope you all have a wonderful visit and a very Merry Christmas!

[Anonymous]

My dad called and informed me this was the plan. Fine with me. My father will be flying in from Asia. He will be spending his time in the US staying with relatives and friends. My mother passed away this year very unexpectedly. They had been married for 50 yrs. Very happy he's coming and my brothers and their families too.

Ah! That explains it. You're Asian. Yeah, we've seen a lot of posts from people with Asian ILs - often DILs (but sometimes DDs) who are fed up with their ILs meddling and intrusiveness. You need to realize that not everyone feels as you do. That doesn't make it wrong, it just makes it different. You need to respect other people's feelings especially when it comes to their homes - a [wo]man's home is her castle. Even relatives need to be sensitive to that.