SIL and family want to "vacation" at our house next summer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get your beef with this at all. They're family, they're visiting from someplace that is pretty far to travel from with the whole family for just a weekend.

If you don't like being with them, set up itineraries for sightseeing that they can do on their own. If it's too hard for your child, continue sending her to camp for the day.

If you don't like to cook, ask if they will help with the meal planning and cooking and keep the meals simple.

It's one week, not a multiple weeks.

Maybe this is a cultural thing to not be gracious to family visits. I don't understand it and it would not fly AT ALL in my culture.

I agree with this. I find it incredibly rude of op and others here to find sending them to a hotel and flatting out refusing their to host so rude. But then, you can take someone out of the ghetto but you can't take the ghetto out of people....

+1. This is family not some random acquaintance. My family, my father, both brothers and their wives and kids will be visiting and staying with us for a week for Christmas. I'm very excited about the visit, my DH not so much but he is willing to be a gracious host b/c that's what he was taught growing up - to be gracious to one's guests.

This is where you put the marriage first. A week is a long time, especially relative to square footage and bathroom space in your house. If my DH would be put in misery, I'd respectfully tell my father, brothers and SILs to shorten their visit or to stay part of the week with other nearby relatives or in other accomodations. "Fish and guests smell after three days," said Benjamin Franklin.

Listen to Ben.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

My dad called and informed me this was the plan. Fine with me. My father will be flying in from Asia. He will be spending his time in the US staying with relatives and friends. My mother passed away this year very unexpectedly. They had been married for 50 yrs. Very happy he's coming and my brothers and their families too.

Ah! That explains it. You're Asian. Yeah, we've seen a lot of posts from people with Asian ILs - often DILs (but sometimes DDs) who are fed up with their ILs meddling and intrusiveness. You need to realize that not everyone feels as you do. That doesn't make it wrong, it just makes it different. You need to respect other people's feelings especially when it comes to their homes - a [wo]man's home is her castle. Even relatives need to be sensitive to that.

My DH is not Asian but willing to put up with the inconvenience and my relatives in his castle. It's only a week and he's always a perfect gentleman and gracious host especially to recently widowed old people who want to be with family for comfort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don't they stay at your house when you are away?

+1 I always offer up my house to friends and family when I go away on vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get your beef with this at all. They're family, they're visiting from someplace that is pretty far to travel from with the whole family for just a weekend.

If you don't like being with them, set up itineraries for sightseeing that they can do on their own. If it's too hard for your child, continue sending her to camp for the day.

If you don't like to cook, ask if they will help with the meal planning and cooking and keep the meals simple.

It's one week, not a multiple weeks.

Maybe this is a cultural thing to not be gracious to family visits. I don't understand it and it would not fly AT ALL in my culture.

I agree with this. I find it incredibly rude of op and others here to find sending them to a hotel and flatting out refusing their to host so rude. But then, you can take someone out of the ghetto but you can't take the ghetto out of people....

+1. This is family not some random acquaintance. My family, my father, both brothers and their wives and kids will be visiting and staying with us for a week for Christmas. I'm very excited about the visit, my DH not so much but he is willing to be a gracious host b/c that's what he was taught growing up - to be gracious to one's guests.

This is where you put the marriage first. A week is a long time, especially relative to square footage and bathroom space in your house. If my DH would be put in misery, I'd respectfully tell my father, brothers and SILs to shorten their visit or to stay part of the week with other nearby relatives or in other accomodations. "Fish and guests smell after three days," said Benjamin Franklin.

Listen to Ben.

Good advice!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

My dad called and informed me this was the plan. Fine with me. My father will be flying in from Asia. He will be spending his time in the US staying with relatives and friends. My mother passed away this year very unexpectedly. They had been married for 50 yrs. Very happy he's coming and my brothers and their families too.

Ah! That explains it. You're Asian. Yeah, we've seen a lot of posts from people with Asian ILs - often DILs (but sometimes DDs) who are fed up with their ILs meddling and intrusiveness. You need to realize that not everyone feels as you do. That doesn't make it wrong, it just makes it different. You need to respect other people's feelings especially when it comes to their homes - a [wo]man's home is her castle. Even relatives need to be sensitive to that.

My DH is not Asian but willing to put up with the inconvenience and my relatives in his castle. It's only a week and he's always a perfect gentleman and gracious host especially to recently widowed old people who want to be with family for comfort.

Yeah, I got that but OP isn't Asian, doesn't have the same expectations as you and is expected to do a lot more than your DH is. There's a huge difference between hosting YOUR family and hosting your ILs. But that's really beside the point. Different families have different expectations - hell, expectations within the same family can vary wildly. Expecting your SIL/DIL (or anyone really) to feel the same way you do about these things is presumptuous and can damage your relationships. I say this as someone who hosted her FIL for months after he was widowed. He's local but he stayed with us the first month and DH stayed with him at his house the next month. It made a difficult transition easier. But, I don't expect anyone else in my position to do the same thing. It worked for us but might not for others. That doesn't make me better, it just makes me different than someone else. No judgment applied.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

My dad called and informed me this was the plan. Fine with me. My father will be flying in from Asia. He will be spending his time in the US staying with relatives and friends. My mother passed away this year very unexpectedly. They had been married for 50 yrs. Very happy he's coming and my brothers and their families too.

Ah! That explains it. You're Asian. Yeah, we've seen a lot of posts from people with Asian ILs - often DILs (but sometimes DDs) who are fed up with their ILs meddling and intrusiveness. You need to realize that not everyone feels as you do. That doesn't make it wrong, it just makes it different. You need to respect other people's feelings especially when it comes to their homes - a [wo]man's home is her castle. Even relatives need to be sensitive to that.

My DH is not Asian but willing to put up with the inconvenience and my relatives in his castle. It's only a week and he's always a perfect gentleman and gracious host especially to recently widowed old people who want to be with family for comfort.

DH married to an Asian woman. I can't say I am always a perfect gentleman, but I sure know better than to even bother objecting when relatives are about to descend on us. Its just part of being a member of my wife's family, so i try to be as gracious as my personality allows. . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get your beef with this at all. They're family, they're visiting from someplace that is pretty far to travel from with the whole family for just a weekend.

If you don't like being with them, set up itineraries for sightseeing that they can do on their own. If it's too hard for your child, continue sending her to camp for the day.

If you don't like to cook, ask if they will help with the meal planning and cooking and keep the meals simple.

It's one week, not a multiple weeks.

Maybe this is a cultural thing to not be gracious to family visits. I don't understand it and it would not fly AT ALL in my culture.

Obviously someone with little experience outside her own little world. I know it's difficult for you to put yourself in someone else's shoes but you should really try. If you don't understand issues like this, don't comment on them because you add nothing of value.

I clearly stated that I didn't understand the OP's line of thinking. Not sugar coating that fact. You need not make judgements about how much experience I have in the "outside world" oh great one.

And while I didn't and still don't see why she's making such a big deal over direct family (not some mother's brother's cousin crap) coming for a visit, I still made helpful suggestions that could possibly make her week less stressful.

This isn't even something that's next month or even a 2-3 months away, it's next SUMMER. She has plenty of time to prepare. It's family, it's one week, it's months away. For this to cause such a strain on the OP seems odd TO ME. Last I checked OP posted on a public forum, I'm giving MY perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get your beef with this at all. They're family, they're visiting from someplace that is pretty far to travel from with the whole family for just a weekend.

If you don't like being with them, set up itineraries for sightseeing that they can do on their own. If it's too hard for your child, continue sending her to camp for the day.

If you don't like to cook, ask if they will help with the meal planning and cooking and keep the meals simple.

It's one week, not a multiple weeks.

Maybe this is a cultural thing to not be gracious to family visits. I don't understand it and it would not fly AT ALL in my culture.

What backwards culture is that?

I guess the backward culture that values family and doesn't freak out over 1 week of them visiting.

The backward culture that would graciously invite my husband's sister and her family in my home and treat them well.

The backward culture that is not angry that my SIL and her family would take their vacation time to spend with us and would be happy that my children would get to know their cousins more.

The backward culture that knows it's not always easy hosting, but does so regardless.

For those of you saying that I'm living in my bubble, it's just as easy to say your living in your own.