SIL and family want to "vacation" at our house next summer
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Anonymous
| I know, I know it's 9 months away. But on a phone call this weekend my SIL told my husband that she, her husband and son want to come visit for a WEEK next summer. They live in Michigan. I really can't even imagine them a week in our house. Sounds dramatic, but I can't even handle the thought. Both are self centered, distracted non-parenting (son will be 5 then and is a brat now), jerks. We have been in our house over 3 years and have been saved a visit from them so far. I think MIL is telling them they should visit so they are granting us with our presence. I wrote an email afterwards telling them that while they were planning to please include me in on the emails in the planning (she never does). I do all the scheduling for our daughter with camps, as well as childcare around that (I work part-time). I plan and book our vacation (beach house). DH isn't a planner and wants no part in planning vacations, etc. I would be the one entertaining them. August is busy for us with 2 weeks away already so I suggested that perhaps July would be better. Okay and I must admit in the email I said a "July weekend" would be better. I really. can. not. do. a week with them at our house. Our DD is special needs and to have them in our house for a week is incredibly disruptive. No answer on the email. Think I caused WW3 with the in-laws. Can I make this okay? Can I just say a week is too long? And no my husband is no help. Will not get involved, but as I said I will be the one entertaining, cooking, cleaning while they are here. He will be at work. |
Anonymous
| Your husband WILL be involved in this. That's a non-negotiable. Sit down with him and talk this through. He can write the email that says what week in July they can come. THen your husband will take time off that week to help entertain them. THAT is where you put your energy. Stop excusing him. He needs to step up. |
Anonymous
| OP - Don't cave, don't be a doormat. JUST SAY NO!!!! |
Anonymous
| Why don't they stay at your house when you are away? |
Anonymous
|
This has to be your husband's battle, not yours, OP. For the sake of his (special needs) child and wife, he has to nip this in the bud and fast.
The only other suggestion that I can offer. Is to tell them you're excited that they want to visit and e-mail them a list of hotels close to your house. |
Anonymous
|
It's your brother's sibling. Suck it up. It's ONE WEEK.
You don't say what your child's special needs are. That could change things, but people use that term for many things (and I say this as a child who is labele special needs, so not to be mean). |
Anonymous
|
I'm floored. Good grief, just let them stay and be gracious to the extent it's possible.
Though you probably already blew it by letting them know they're not welcome. Perhaps you could have offered the place while you are away? (I'm guessing they don't especially enjoy being with you either) Or, for the week they come, there could be a three day weekend that you and your family go away for three days or something? But I think you'd have been better off sucking it up. Suggesting a camp for their son, maybe. Or just arranging to be working out of the house during the day so your time home is really limited. Eat meals out, or work out a shared cooking schedule. |
Anonymous
| want to add that your husband CAN help plan. And you can spell out in advance the extent to which you can entertain them. (ie, I'll make us a family dinner on Wednesday and Friday, and I have time to do some sightseeing with you on Tuesday, but otherwise, you're free to fill your time as you like. I can make some recommendations, recommend a pool, etc. |
Anonymous
| Tell them you'd be happy to recommend a hotel nearby. |
Anonymous
You didn't cause WWIII. It is incredibly rude to invite oneself to someone else's house, even family. Find them a hotel and make them the reservation. But don't pay for it. |
Anonymous
Ditto. That's what I do for people who "invite" themselves to my house. 
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Anonymous
OP, talk this over with your husband. As a PP said, he has to be involved in the planning and the actual hosting by taking a day or two off. Like another PP said, your hosting can actually be hosting-lite, since they're close family and they're coming for a whole week. Let them do some of the meal planning, shopping, and cooking. Let them spend days by themselves doing touristy things; no doubt that's their preference anyway, instead of having you along on all excursions. Since you work part-time, you can just keep your schedule value and leave the house on an extra day or two to get away. 
I don't know what your special needs situation is, so I don't know if that's a game-changer or just makes their visit a bit extra-inconvenient. Others can advise you on minimizing the impact of visitors, hopefully. Look at it like they are coming to stay at your place while doing a DC vacation. Don't look at it like they are coming to visit you and therefore you need to be in full-on host mode. Keep it simple, keep it easy. I've had long visits from in-laws who are, shall we say, not my favorite, and you just bite the bullet, don't put yourself out in an extreme fashion, and know that in a week it'll be over. |
Anonymous
| * vague, not value |
Anonymous
| I don't think there is anything wrong with saying it is too much for you. A week is a long time. I'd let your husband deal with it all. It's his family. |
Anonymous
|
1. Your husband has to be involved here -- it's his family. If he absolutely refuses to plug in, then that's a bigger problem than your SIL.
2. If you really, legitimately cannot host them, just say so and recommend a nearby hotel. 3. Ask yourself this. Is it worth creating family drama or should you just suck it up and host them for a week? If you have the space and a plan (that included DH) for hosting them, then I'd be flattered and try to make the best of it. But that's me. I like family visitors, even with their annoyances. |