SIL and family want to "vacation" at our house next summer

[Anonymous]

I had my B and SIL and kids stay with us for a week last summer. SIL is hard to deal with so I can relate.

It was a Thursday to Wednesday kind of thing. We shared 1.5 bathrooms, my DH and I slept in the basement on an air mattress. We did it for the kids, so they could be close to their cousins. It's not about me. When I got sick of everyone I sent them off downtown to go to museums. My DH took the girls out a couple of times without me-- he enjoyed it. The parents went out by themselves as well. We planned one or two big things that we did together (a picnic off in the Shenandoahs, etc.) but the rest of the time we just foraged, called for take-out and split up into groups. It wasn't hell.

[Anonymous]

It is quite a long distance to travel from Michigan to DC just for a weekend. I'm in the suck it up camp. Over the years I've gone out of my way a lot for my in laws even when I did t want to or didn't have the time and energy. I've never regretted it. I want my kids to do the same for each other when they are adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know, I know it's 9 months away. But on a phone call this weekend my SIL told my husband that she, her husband and son want to come visit for a WEEK next summer. They live in Michigan. I really can't even imagine them a week in our house. Sounds dramatic, but I can't even handle the thought. Both are self centered, distracted non-parenting (son will be 5 then and is a brat now), jerks. We have been in our house over 3 years and have been saved a visit from them so far. I think MIL is telling them they should visit so they are granting us with our presence. I wrote an email afterwards telling them that while they were planning to please include me in on the emails in the planning (she never does). I do all the scheduling for our daughter with camps, as well as childcare around that (I work part-time). I plan and book our vacation (beach house). DH isn't a planner and wants no part in planning vacations, etc. I would be the one entertaining them. August is busy for us with 2 weeks away already so I suggested that perhaps July would be better. Okay and I must admit in the email I said a "July weekend" would be better. I really. can. not. do. a week with them at our house. Our DD is special needs and to have them in our house for a week is incredibly disruptive. No answer on the email. Think I caused WW3 with the in-laws. Can I make this okay? Can I just say a week is too long? And no my husband is no help. Will not get involved, but as I said I will be the one entertaining, cooking, cleaning while they are here. He will be at work.

If you have a guest room and a guest bath you should be ok since this is the DC area with tourist attractions. OP is a free hotel in the Nation's capital for people from the midwest. Those 2 parents and 1 kid will entertain themselves. Is a week 5 days with them making it 7 by a drive from Michigan? If they are flying they would get no access to a car. So OP leaves for camp drop-off and part-time work [with an increase in hours that week] and DH dumps them at a bus or metro. Unless they can walk to one from the house. No key-it is not a hotel.

[Anonymous]

How would you like it if your husband said you couldn't have your brother/sister/mom/dad visit? One week out of 52 is not a big deal and they don't come every year so suck it up. And why not ask them if they could take care of dinner on the days you have to work.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I know I sound horrible. A week with them might just be intolerable. These folks really don't want to be with us even when we are at MIL's house. They do their own thing and do everything possible to stay away from us. They are either using our house as a vacation stop or keeping MIL happy because she mentioned that they haven't been to visit. BTW - these folks are loaded. Lots of money and go on lots of luxury trips every year.

Our DD has autism. Makes it really hard sometimes with house guests, but with my family and good friends it's no problem. Not so much with husband's family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I know I sound horrible. A week with them might just be intolerable. These folks really don't want to be with us even when we are at MIL's house. They do their own thing and do everything possible to stay away from us. They are either using our house as a vacation stop or keeping MIL happy because she mentioned that they haven't been to visit. BTW - these folks are loaded. Lots of money and go on lots of luxury trips every year.

Our DD has autism. Makes it really hard sometimes with house guests, but with my family and good friends it's no problem. Not so much with husband's family.

Then they should have no problem staying in a hotel and doing a few meals and activities with you. Your husband can plan to take off a day or two to do sightseeing with them.

[Anonymous]

Husband is in charge of talking to his side of the family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I know I sound horrible. A week with them might just be intolerable. These folks really don't want to be with us even when we are at MIL's house. They do their own thing and do everything possible to stay away from us. They are either using our house as a vacation stop or keeping MIL happy because she mentioned that they haven't been to visit. BTW - these folks are loaded. Lots of money and go on lots of luxury trips every year.

Our DD has autism. Makes it really hard sometimes with house guests, but with my family and good friends it's no problem. Not so much with husband's family.

Then they should have no problem staying in a hotel and doing a few meals and activities with you. Your husband can plan to take off a day or two to do sightseeing with them.

OP I was in the camp of "suck it up, it's only a week for DH's sister" but with a few caveats. First, if they are loaded, it's not a hardship to get a hotel or rent a house for the week. In fact, it would probably be more comfortable for everyone involved. Second, your DD's disability should be an important factor. If it will be very difficult for her to have 3 extra people in your house-- with a 5 year old that is self absorbed-- then I think you need to defend her needs.

[Anonymous]

It's just a week. They will be gone all day sightseeing. Suck it up.

[Anonymous]

I agree to suck it up. It is just a week and this is what you do for family,

[Anonymous]

I think you suck it up--with caveats. First, until they tell you when they are coming, you plan your summer as you normally would, and you don't change things if they announce when they are coming without consulting you first. If you've booked the beach house, too bad. If you've signed your daughter up for a camp, too bad. If you've promised to work during the day, too bad.

Second, you do not have to entertain them while they are here. It's DC, for God's sake. Give them a guidebook and a Metro map and let them entertain themselves.

Third, your husband helps plan, prepare, and entertain. If he doesn't, then he can't complain about what you do.

In other words, be a gracious host, but don't be a doormat. Don't make trouble where it doesn't exist yet, but don't feel that you have to bend yourself into a pretzel or slave away for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree to suck it up. It is just a week and this is what you do for family,

Why do WOMEN always have to suck it up for the man's family?

[Anonymous]

Maybe I am different, but I would never dream of telling my DH's siblings or parents that they are not welcome in my house. I just was not raised that way. Growing up, when family came to town, it was expected that they would stay with us and we expected some inconvenience. We do have a SN child so I understand that part of it. In this case, I would allow them to stay if they want but I would make it plain that I am not their tour guide for the week.

[Anonymous]

If they do their own thing and distance themselves what's the big deal? It's your brother's sister, for pete's sake. Welcome them and then do your own thing and let them do their own thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree to suck it up. It is just a week and this is what you do for family,

Why do WOMEN always have to suck it up for the man's family?

Becuase it is your DH's family and you willingly married into it.

Seems to me that if you love your DH, you would be willing to tolerate his family to an extent. I think sometimes that SOME DW's do not realize the stress that they put on their DH's in this regard. Demanding that someone always choose his spouse's convenience over "doing the right thing" by his family is unfair. This is the main reason DILs and MIL's don't get along. It isabout ego and control.

Think about how you will feel when your DC gets married. Will you want your DC in law to think you are such a burden?

With regards to OP, I would have no problem with my DH's sibling staying with us for a few days. DC is not a city where OP would be 100% responsible for entertaining them or even feeding them. Some time in the evening and some meals is probably most of it.